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Old 02-26-2018, 06:09 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,614 posts, read 17,606,575 times
Reputation: 27693

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Quote:
Originally Posted by EveryLady View Post
There was a great dataset that I deleted from Evernote the other day without again glancing at it. It focused on care in SNF ... time spent ... organized by age group ... sex ... prevalence.

From what I recall ... one of the areas of greatest risk was from profound disability at younger ages, particularly for women. An early stroke, for example, that led to long-term stays in nursing homes. Sure, the overall risk of that occurring is lower in the young-old than the old-old but their time spent in nursing homes is longer.

As for why women are more impacted than men? Some may already be widowed or higher-percentages of never-married?

The old-old? Averages no doubt are meaningless for the standard deviation is wide. There certainly is a cluster of very short-term stays offset by those - even the old-old - who remain in LTC for years. Tail-end risk.

But thinking of all the older people I've known (parents of friends, relatives, in-laws etc.)? *Most* require some sort of assistance at the end-of-life (even if temporary), but virtually no one was in a care facility for more than short-term rehab. One aunt, so far, in ALF. A friend's mom who never left the hospital (months). No ... there's one who lived to 100 and finally left her home.

Sure, their children provided some assistance - either direct or oversight from a distance. And some are in their 90s so it's not clear how it will play out. My stepmom has a daughter living with her (daughter's choice to save money but my stepmom at 88 is in the earliest stages of dementia).

Now some should have had more paid-help, IMHO. Sometimes even those who can easily afford it are reluctant for various reasons - setting it up, writing that check, not wanting a stranger in their home, resistance from kids, denial.

One of the most valuable sources of aid has been that provided by an already-in-place person - the housekeeper. She goes from cleaning to helping with meals to being in the house during showers to becoming the delivery and pick-up person to providing trips to doctors' offices.
My family is a bit different. Granted, these are all people who would be well into their 80s now (excepting one), and most of the men were heavy drinkers and smokers. Virtually everyone was overweight with diabetes, and they ate a poor Appalachian diet. If they had been in normal circumstances, who knows.

With that said, I've had at least two great aunts that I can remember in an SNF for at least one continuous year. One was in an SNF for around five years. At least one great uncle was in for a multiyear stay (he was affluent and a well-known local politician - can't use the "poor mountain boy" excuse on him). Most of the rest ended up in nursing homes, but for relatively short stays.

Agreed the already-in-place person, no matter who that is, often becomes relied on more and more. For my grandmother, that's been my aunt and me. I had been getting the groceries, doing the mowing, and cleaning the house last year. Aunt has been taking on more and more as grandmother became less mobile. Granted, she just had a knee replacement two weeks ago and she may get back to being on her own, but without the help aunt and me provide, she couldn't have remained on her as long as she did.
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Old 02-26-2018, 06:19 AM
 
5,429 posts, read 3,456,960 times
Reputation: 13714
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post

My family is a bit different. Granted, these are all people who would be well into their 80s now (excepting one), and most of the men were heavy drinkers and smokers. Virtually everyone was overweight with diabetes, and they ate a poor Appalachian diet.
You're the only person who lives in Tennessee in the Retirement forum who constantly refers to his home in Tennessee as 'Appalachia'. Everyone else living in Tennessee on the forum refers to it just as Tennessee.
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Old 02-26-2018, 06:30 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,614 posts, read 17,606,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
You're the only person who lives in Tennessee in the Retirement forum who constantly refers to his home in Tennessee as 'Appalachia'. Everyone else living in Tennessee on the forum refers to it just as Tennessee.
I live in a completely different part of the state than they do.

I'm three to four miles from the Virginia border. About an hour from the NC mountain border. I'm closer to the capitals of Kentucky, West Virginia, and probably South Carolina than I am to Nashville. Nashville from here is about four and a half hour ride.

I don't identify with Nashville at all.
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Old 02-26-2018, 06:34 AM
 
5,429 posts, read 3,456,960 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
I live in a completely different part of the state than they do.

I'm three to four miles from the Virginia border. About an hour from the NC mountain border. I'm closer to the capitals of Kentucky, West Virginia, and probably South Carolina than I am to Nashville. Nashville from here is about four and a half hour ride.

I don't identify with Nashville at all.
I didn't say you identified with Nashville or have anything to do whatsoever with Nashville

Many Tennesseans do not live near Nashville nor identify with Nashville nor have anything to do with Nashville, and they still call it Tennessee, and not Appalachia.
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Old 02-26-2018, 06:42 AM
 
Location: Asheville NC
1,608 posts, read 1,316,376 times
Reputation: 4190
Default People don’t post about the good

Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61nyc View Post


I want to also add mental exercise. first, get off the depressing band wagon. Notice how very few people here will post the "good" stories about retirement or old age. Why is that?

Does no one now seniors who are active and happy? Is everyone;s relatives broke down?

LOL you know who my heros are? My 100 year old Aunt, girlfriend turned 100 last year we had a huge party in DISNEYWORLD for her and sistah girl had a blast. no she did not ride the rides but they treated her like royalty. Yes she needs a walker to get around and it's god awful slow but she lives at home with her 72 year old daughter and the family chips in and pays for in home help for her.

My dad, died peacefully in his sleep at 85. Watched a yankee's game on tv, had a steak and Jack Daniels for dinner and simply never woke up. He was a NYC beat cop and walk his entire life, the doctors swore that's why he never had major health issues.

Now I don't have LT healthcare insurance but I do have a solid plan in place for care if needed.

LOL and lastly I intended to be a HUGE burden on my kids. Yeah baby, payback is a **&^.
Things in the retirement forum often. That is because they are accused of bragging and their threads are derailed by “poor me” posts. We have saved, have pensions, insurance, savings, social security and are enjoying this time.
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Old 02-26-2018, 06:50 AM
 
5,429 posts, read 3,456,960 times
Reputation: 13714
Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61nyc View Post


I want to also add mental exercise. first, get off the depressing band wagon. Notice how very few people here will post the "good" stories about retirement or old age. Why is that?

Does no one now seniors who are active and happy? Is everyone;s relatives broke down?
I don't find your statement above accurate at all. There are many posts on Retirement forum which are good and excellent stories about retirement. An abundance of them actually.
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:00 AM
 
653 posts, read 337,341 times
Reputation: 892
Never Futile to Save for Retirement. Very Silly and Irresponsible NOT to. It allowed us to retire comfortably at 55/50 respectively. Also having a home fully paid for helps immensly.
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:04 AM
 
1,733 posts, read 620,486 times
Reputation: 1818
Quote:
Originally Posted by TwinbrookNine View Post
First off, if you don't make kids (one way or another) you're going to have to plan on a possible "self-controlled" exit from this life. Old age and things like Alzheimers are not designed for nulliparous people. Unless you have oodles of extra money you need to insure that at some point, you may need to be capable of "exit stage left" (if you know what I mean). It actually happens a lot. People just don't talk about it.


Unfortunately, the Hemlock Club box, once easy to obtain, is no longer attainable. I guess there's still rope or a pistol though. (Messy of course, but once you're dead, what do you care?)
Nulliparous people (unless they live under a rock) still have extended family and friends with kids. You leave a reliable youngster a bit of something in your will, and they manage your finances in return when you get incapacitated (in conjunction with your elder-law lawyer in order to have a system of checks and balances - the kid checks on a lawyer, and vice versa). If you have kids, there is no guarantee they'll be more helpful than a different youngster of your choice.
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:34 AM
 
2,952 posts, read 1,641,880 times
Reputation: 5292
Quote:
Originally Posted by s1alker View Post
Some may argue that government programs might be scaled back or not even exist in the future. It would be career suicide for the politicians, and the politicians know entitlement programs earn votes.
Social security, medicare yes.

Medicaid no. We live in selfish times. People would say you didn't plan on retirement, why should the government pay? Never mind the people that are just dealt a bad hand and end up with MS etc.
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Old 02-26-2018, 07:37 AM
 
71,736 posts, read 71,853,273 times
Reputation: 49289
you are likely describing a fraction of those with underfunded retirements .

it is no different than those who say they can't lose weight .very few have actual conditions that cause it. most is self inflicted because they just need to eat less and move more but of course they don't see it that way .. it likely is the ole 80/20 rule of large numbers . only 20% of anything are usually the exception .
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