U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 03-27-2018, 04:41 AM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
27,798 posts, read 26,306,823 times
Reputation: 14611

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by miamian in nc View Post
I'm so happy to have across this string. I feel so alone being in a rut, approaching age 60 and down in the dumps here where I live in Durham, NC. Also literally alone, no family, and not a single close friend here, only acquaintances. After 16 years here I want to start anew but have the fear of the unknown, will it work out, etc. It looks like there are a lot of us in the same boat and LuckyM, do it! Putting it off makes the days and years pass without taking the chance to start over.
I think that even moving might bring about the same results, only in a different geo location. I'm in a similar situation - with acquaintances but no close friends. I think it's something that might be personality driven (at least for me). Just something I've become accustomed to over the years.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 03-27-2018, 04:55 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
449 posts, read 710,637 times
Reputation: 557
Maybe BucFan. For me, it's the location where I live. I didn't grow up here and have never fit in with the southern culture. South Florida was/is a melting pot. I have had trouble making friends here but never had trouble in Miami and when I lived in Cleveland, Ohio.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-27-2018, 05:09 PM
 
4,579 posts, read 7,085,014 times
Reputation: 4239
I appreciate your comments on Durham. Iíve been researching the Raleigh area for along time and itís one of the ďhot areasĒ to move to these days. It looks good on paper for me but I still have nagging doubts about whether itís right for me. Iím retired, living in SoCal and not sure about adjusting to the South. I know I should visit but I just canít seem to get all that motivated or excited about going there.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-27-2018, 06:38 PM
 
2,119 posts, read 891,634 times
Reputation: 5160
Whenever we have moved it has taken about a year to get comfortable in the new town. There's always challenges. But we have always eventually adapted. When we retired we moved 50 miles south of the city where we lived. We found new doctors, dentists, stores, etc. with some trial and error. If it was me I'd take an extended vacation at the new sunny location in the hottest months of the year. I'd also rent for a few months to be sure I was getting a good deal before buying.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-27-2018, 07:31 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
449 posts, read 710,637 times
Reputation: 557
Loveautumn, my experience having lived here is of course my own, so I wouldn't want to sway anyone thinking it's typical. I've never fit in here in the work cultures, socially, or anywhere. I guess it's all about vibes. When we visit a place we have our unique set of experiences, right? Durham certainly is trendy and hip. A lot of people have moved here. It depends on our age, interests, etc. like anywhere. But if you have a nagging feeling, go with it. I know I've done the opposite of my feelings many times. Intuition is good to keep in mind. Bobspez, absolutely agree that we need to visit a place when it's either too hot if it's a hot place, or too cold if it's a cold place. And rent too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-27-2018, 08:47 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,965 posts, read 2,904,768 times
Reputation: 6358
Quote:
Originally Posted by loveautumn View Post
I appreciate your comments on Durham. Iíve been researching the Raleigh area for along time and itís one of the ďhot areasĒ to move to these days. It looks good on paper for me but I still have nagging doubts about whether itís right for me. Iím retired, living in SoCal and not sure about adjusting to the South. I know I should visit but I just canít seem to get all that motivated or excited about going there.
I have been here about 25 years. Raleigh is southern and NC is more conservative than I would like, but that is likely to change as younger voters start showing up at the polls. It is hard to generalize; I have lived in the same house in a neighborhood the whole time and every other house on my street has changed hands at least once, some a few times. It's had a different character as people come and go. The current crowd rarely gets together; for a while, impromptu parties grilling out in the circle were common. Sometimes we have had neighbors we were pretty close to, other times we hardly know some of them. So a lot depends on who happens to be living next to you when you move in; I suspect that is true most places.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2018, 04:32 AM
 
1,734 posts, read 1,956,879 times
Reputation: 3907
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mayvenne View Post
Jane Smith--- very interesting post.
So --- I will bite- do you get any strong feelings about any particular areas currently?

(starting the shock waves...)
LOL! Antennae are primarily focused on where I'm at, at whichever present time. When I start smelling an implosion, it's from macro cues, feet on the ground, so to speak. FIRST cue: in areas which previously had some level of civil discourse in the grocery lines, all of a sudden, people change to being somewhat closed in. No energy left over to meet eyes and give the ol' raised eyebrow and smile salute. More calculations happen in plain view about the potential bill. Items are jettisoned. This just does not happen in an atmosphere where everybody feels as if they have enough left over.

One looks for evidence to disprove the null hypothesis. Quick stats are in a) changes in enrollments in discretionary activities (golf club fundraisers; day care centers start advertising more frequently; local food banks etc. have more prominent active solicitation). These indicators are followed in half a year by state level unemployment rates, which inch up. Even a fraction of a per cent, if the pattern is consistent over six months, is significant. State level UE rates are published a month later than the national UE stats on the first Friday of the month. There are even BLS tables that drill down by county. These are published even later than the one month lag between national and state UE rates. By now, a year has gone by. Next indicator to emerge is the direction of state revenues from taxes. This is the point at which I looked to bail more aggressively. The Grocery Store Indicator has remained closed in, during the interim.

Where I looked next was also driven by the numbers: follow the ol' gut from initial reporting about state unemployment rates and net internal migration between states. If people are fleeing, or continue to flee, your state of residence, that is the gold standard (by then, you really want to be out of there).

Where to go? First cut is from net internal migration. Where are people moving, once they leave. NYT used to publish this yearly in an interactive map. BLS also has a table on net internal migration. Look for a trend and extrapolate.

If I were to evacuate from here in No. Virginia, the land of opportunity for economic refugees, it would be to Charlotte - attributable to lower cost (by comparison) and the net internal migration figures. I'd do my darndest to get a job lined up before i pulled the trigger. If that wasn't possible I'd do it on faith, assuming my capabilities were competitive with all of the other economic refugees. If I needed to work badly enough (I don't anymore - the kids are out of school), I'd cast my lot in with one of the flyover states which BLS has at 3% unemployment. I'd have zero problem taking a survival job while getting the lay of the land and looking around for something more lucrative. Call centers have high turnover, and financial call centers are pretty much at the apex of that work. I. do. not. buy. anything. housing-wise. until I've got all-source situational awareness. I rent.

Regardless of the numbers, pls. keep in mind that certain geographies are specialized for certain professions - assuming you have the threshold qualifications. For example, New York Metro is driven by finance. CT used to be driven by insurance and financial services (alas, no longer - the state just sits there). DC Metro is driven by government contracting, but the competition is significant. Government contracting amounts to "anything that promotes upgrading network security and information system optimization and consolidation." Boston is driven by insurance; financial services; and medical professions - as another example. You want to be in an area where, if you lose your job, you can walk across the street to get hired by a competitor. I'm making broad generalizations here, I know - but you have to know what you're walking into. Spend a week at the target location doing recon before you pack up the plantation and evacuate there.

OK, my brain cell is plumb wore out. That is all I know. But it has worked for me. As I mentioned, even though I was in a comparative job Nirvana in Northern Virginia, I STILL rented for twelve years until I was sure I liked the place enough to sink money into it in the form of owned housing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2018, 07:23 AM
 
1,376 posts, read 670,322 times
Reputation: 4339
Quote:
Originally Posted by cebuan View Post
Re-invent yourself. I've done it a couple of times, and it's refreshing.

Over the years you fall into a kind of persona, which is partly imposed on you by your acquaintances and reinforced by their expectations of you. You don't always like whom you have become, you will have some bad habits, undesirable social attitudes, etc.

Go away to where nobody knows you, re-evaluate yourself, and become the person you really want to be and feel comfortable with. The only person who will notice the change is yourself.
Best advice I have read in a long time!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2018, 07:31 AM
 
4,473 posts, read 2,647,549 times
Reputation: 10467
Quote:
Originally Posted by LuckyM View Post

How can I motivate myself to do this? It was always my DREAM to move to a SUNNY AREA where nature is scenic instead of the blah weather and environs.
THERE ( the caps) should be your motivation.
If it was your dream, tgen just do it.

Yes, it CAN be daunting. I have moved to 3 states, not knowing a soul, and in one case only chasing the dollar for my work, not even knowing if I'd get a job, or what type of actual pay would be there, or the culture of the place.

But I've done it, granted while I was younger , but I'm not afraid to make my retirement dreams of living in warm climate and Hawai'i trips ( at least) come true.

What you could do is to vacation there several timed and see how you like it, get to know some people at the senior centers, etc.

Then make your final move.

Just my idea.

Best of lu k

Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 03-28-2018, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,611,256 times
Reputation: 16777
Quote:
Originally Posted by miamian in nc View Post
Loveautumn, my experience having lived here is of course my own, so I wouldn't want to sway anyone thinking it's typical. I've never fit in here in the work cultures, socially, or anywhere. I guess it's all about vibes. When we visit a place we have our unique set of experiences, right? Durham certainly is trendy and hip. A lot of people have moved here. It depends on our age, interests, etc. like anywhere. But if you have a nagging feeling, go with it. I know I've done the opposite of my feelings many times. Intuition is good to keep in mind. Bobspez, absolutely agree that we need to visit a place when it's either too hot if it's a hot place, or too cold if it's a cold place. And rent too.
It would all be so easy if everything was crystal clear. Back when I moved here ten years ago, I knew, without any doubt, that I needed to get away from socal, not just the place but the memories. And I also knew there was nowhere anywhere I could afford to live there without being on some kind of assistance program. But even my small minimum check was doable here.

It was wonderful for a while. But I miss people and places and the atmosphere back where I lived in socal. I am odd man out here and will never be anyone else. I feel lonely here. But whatever I want, the reality is the money says stay. I OWN my house. I can pay for my own food AND personal entertainments like satalite. In reality I'm a loner, and when there were people and places, I stayed at home most of the time anyway, often because the hastle of getting a ride there and back didn't make it worth the while. Back when they had the weekly street fair in the summer, I'd go but most stuff I didn't. I prefered to just take the bus downtown and go visit a few stores I like and go home. And my house is my safe place. And there's no notable reasons to leave.

But I'm lonely. I don't feel much of a real 'connection' to locals. I feel more like I did out in socal when I went on a bus trip just to get away from my apartment. Except there's no bus. I'd get tired and it would be good to go home that way. I'd do that here except there isn't any bus to take.

At first, things like weather, too hot or too cold, was a new thing and actually made life interesting. Hot I was used to. The first winter here we had a week of less than 4 degrees and I went out later getting more 'layers'. The summer isn't that much different than inland socal minus the smog. I'm still not a huge fan of winter, but manage to stay warm. It feels like most of the weather/getting stuff challanges are settled enough. But now I feel stuck. I just wish I knew how to get unstuck. I don't necessarily want to *leave* here. Just get out more and maybe see if there's someone else who might like what I do and isn't too far away.

Just a way to get out somewhere, being able to get the pets to the vet (the seniors bus driver was quite adament they only take people), going to a movie maybe, not always big things or things I want to be able to do if the need or desire comes along.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top