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Old 02-25-2018, 05:52 AM
 
677 posts, read 842,767 times
Reputation: 1191

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Siegel View Post
Sometimes what looks like mooching or enabling is the family coping with a serious illness that you cannot necessarily see. Unfortunately I have experience with this.
Exactly. People are cruelly judgemental.
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Old 02-25-2018, 06:26 AM
 
Location: Texas or Cascais, Portugal
3,426 posts, read 3,192,577 times
Reputation: 8305
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
What would you do if you had a kid who opted out of college for 7 or 8 years, supported themselves for those years, and decided to do college in their mid-20's? Not everybody is ready for college at 18.
That was me. Dropped out of college in my second year, got a low paying job and supported myself but, the rule in my family was, my parents would pay for college ONLY if you went directly from high school and finished in 4 years. I understood that so, when I returned to college in my late 20s, I knew I had to pay my own way. And, I had student loan debt well into my 40s but it was worth it. Why should parents be on the hook to pay whenever a grown up child decides “they’re ready”? Looking back I know now that I was suffering from major depression in my late teens and early 20s but didn’t comprehend it at the time. College opened so many doors for me. Working full time and attending college was not easy but, paying for it myself made me more determined to be successful.
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Old 02-25-2018, 06:27 AM
 
Location: Ypsilanti, MI
2,460 posts, read 3,676,295 times
Reputation: 4840
Default Mooching Day Care Services

What about the adult children who mooch free or nearly free Day Care services from their parents? I am not talking about one or two days per week, but rather 5-6 days per week making it a full time occupation for at least one Grandparent.

I have a co-worker who learned 7-8 months ago that her son and his wife were expecting their first child. At the same celebratory restaurant dinner where my co-worker learned this news, the son turned to his mother and asked/stated she she should retire in a few months so she could watch their new-born child for them.

My co-worker is a very direct tiny fireball. Her response was akin to "Are you feffin kidding me? You want me to retire from a $100K job in my late fifties. Screw up my pension for the rest of my life. Screw up my Social Security for the rest of my life. Eliminate my ability to have post-retirement health care (our employer has a bizarre provision in the Grandfather arrangement to cover long term employees such as my co-worker with post-retirement health care after they eliminated post-retirement health care for all the rest of us). Just so you can save money on Day Care?

The son and his wife make ~$300k per year and live 60 miles from his parents.

I have a High School classmate who left her job in her mid-fifties to move from Michigan to California and become a Granny Nanny for her son's child. Five years later the little one is in school and Grandma's services are no longer required. So the son tells his mother she is not needed but they really need her bedroom in their home for an office. With no other friends in CA, and unable to afford a CA apartment on her screwed up pension and screwed up SS, she loaded her few remaining belongings in her car and moved back to Michigan where the rest of the extended family still lives.
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Old 02-25-2018, 09:51 AM
 
4,011 posts, read 3,233,519 times
Reputation: 13139
Im not sure how anyone can mooch day care services unless they allow themselves to be mooched upon. Its always a choice.
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Old 02-25-2018, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Ypsilanti, MI
2,460 posts, read 3,676,295 times
Reputation: 4840
Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivalday View Post
Im not sure how anyone can mooch day care services unless they allow themselves to be mooched upon. Its always a choice.
Just like free housing and cash outflows, the victims have to allow it to happen.
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Old 02-25-2018, 04:10 PM
 
Location: Central Mexico and Central Florida
7,110 posts, read 3,475,109 times
Reputation: 10192
Quote:
Originally Posted by MI-Roger View Post
Just like free housing and cash outflows, the victims have to allow it to happen.
Do not discount dementia; that's what happened in my family.
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Old 02-25-2018, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Virginia
173 posts, read 108,578 times
Reputation: 508
And what is so sad about these family members who take advantage of their parents is they usually are teaching their children to be the same way. One of my sister's is a prime example of that. Not only does she drive our mother a bit crazy, but her children are just as bad. None of them will ever be financially secure or independent. Just one bad decision after another. Mom is really good about saying no, but none of them should be asking her for a thing when they are completely able bodied to be working and supporting themselves.
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Old 02-27-2018, 09:14 PM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,224 posts, read 1,360,218 times
Reputation: 6420
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lodestar 77 View Post
In response to germaine2626: From the way the post was "spoken", my guess is that this poster and family are from another country, one where the parents have the say-so over the children, so it would be a cultural thing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Maybe you are right. However, if this took place in another country the poster probably should have mentioned it because otherwise most people would automatically picture a college student in the US (since CD is primarily a US forum).
I think he is trolling us. Anyone who has graduated college cannot possibly write that badly. Doesn't sound foreign to me. The whole story makes no sense.
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Old 02-28-2018, 07:26 AM
 
405 posts, read 160,672 times
Reputation: 1134
Quote:
Originally Posted by marid4061 View Post
And what is so sad about these family members who take advantage of their parents is they usually are teaching their children to be the same way. One of my sister's is a prime example of that. Not only does she drive our mother a bit crazy, but her children are just as bad. None of them will ever be financially secure or independent. Just one bad decision after another. Mom is really good about saying no, but none of them should be asking her for a thing when they are completely able bodied to be working and supporting themselves.
So true. I think it is generous of the parent to offer money and things if they are wealthy or doing well and want to do things every now and then. I just don't think it is right to demand money for their living if the parents are struggling, wanting to retire and can't because of their loser kids. I know it is mainly the parent's fault. For whatever reason, they coddle and control the kids with money. The "bail" their children out of life's difficulties time and time again. So much so that I wonder if the adult child even knows how to deal with life financially without their mommies and daddies. Sad. These adult children do not know the satisfaction of having a job, earning a living, and caring for their families on their own. They depend on the parent(s) who are well intentioned, but not allowing their children to mature and grow socially, emotionally and financially on their own. The parents keep telling their kids: "Please get a job!" and keep writing them checks every month and letting them live in their investment rental house for free. Sad that the kids can't go out and get a job for their own self esteem. We notice as their children grow up, some are just as lazy.
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Old 02-28-2018, 08:01 AM
 
13,992 posts, read 7,458,129 times
Reputation: 25555
Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
I think he is trolling us. Anyone who has graduated college cannot possibly write that badly. Doesn't sound foreign to me. The whole story makes no sense.
It depends which college. A top-100 college? Yep. A 3rd tier state school with a glorified certificate of attendance? I wouldn't expect coherent, grammatically correct paragraphs.
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