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Old 03-04-2018, 02:20 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,697 posts, read 3,265,052 times
Reputation: 12047

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jaminhealth: You are right about humidity. Have plenty of it right here in central NY. I've always wondered about CA, but in my mind, too far to go. My father lived there for a few years before being hit by a car.

Living in the east I can reach people I know in a day or two by car. Seems like the most logical place to be. I hate flying/airports. Cars and trains are good.

 
Old 03-04-2018, 02:27 PM
 
11,201 posts, read 8,585,083 times
Reputation: 28255
Fail at what? What is there to fail at? You're already retired. You know your income. Find a place and move. How can you fail at that?

By the way, you need to get over the cat thing. You may have to do a home finding trip. Your cats will be fine for a few days. The cat thing speaks more about you than the health and safety of the cats.
 
Old 03-04-2018, 02:28 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,697 posts, read 3,265,052 times
Reputation: 12047
funisart: Thank you again! I can't wait to take a ride and visit the area. I always thought Asheville would be out of my financial comfort zone, but looking at these low-income apartments gives me a better idea of the possibilities!
 
Old 03-04-2018, 02:29 PM
 
13,350 posts, read 25,617,103 times
Reputation: 20624
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
Since life holds no guarantees for any of us, how willing are you to take a step without knowing you will step on terra firma vs open space?

How do you decide whether to live a dream vs stay "safe" with what is known to you?
...

How do I get over my fear that keeps me paralyzed? I don't want to miss out on what may be the best thing I ever did for myself because I'm afraid of a repeat failure?

As I imagine others will point out, your unfortunate and messed-up move to Texas has no relation to this move. You are probably sort of PTSD from that move (I understand- See Under: Santa Fe, 1978). but the biggest problem with Texas was financial and you say you have no similar concerns or risk in this possible move. So you should know that you'll turn out OK in a move, certainly financially. At very worst, you will live the same life elsewhere, but will have the pride that you made a move that you wanted to make and moved through fear.

The move you are considering is not a dream. It's sounds perfectly doable. However, the hope that moving would be "a dream come true," could be asking too much. So again, at worst you'll have made the move and not changed your way of living to be more satisfying, but will stop castigating yourself for being bound by fears.

It is how I'm viewing my own move in April to Colorado. At worst, I'll live the same kind of life with the same furniture and dogs (on purpose) and a better view and no humid summers. At best, I'll be invigorated in the new environment and will get more involved in some things of interest. I will know that I had the guts to try (and that it is not Santa Fe, 1978, my major belly flop from moving).

When I thought about moving and people said, "You can always come back," I drew a blank. Not only because I am selling my house (I could always rent it instead) but because I just feel finished here, beyond retirement. I think, Why would I come back? If I left the Colorado home, where I would go would absolutely depend on why I was leaving. I'm selling the house here and can't imagine a scenario where I'd come back. Eastern MA has been my home (with three leavings and belly flops back) since I was 20.

OP didn't mention a web of family/friends to leave. Familiarity feels so safe, especially if one is prone to low moods. Of course, I know this from experience. It takes energy to take initiative and make a new life, even if the elements of the new life are simply recreating the old life in a new place (finding resources, services, etc.) It is cautionary to do something that requires energy if energy is at times an issue.

But to have fear because of an utterly unrelated failure is not logical. The Texas scenario *can not* be repeated in another move. The elements are totally different. OP might try thinking her way out of that part of her concern.
 
Old 03-04-2018, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,697 posts, read 3,265,052 times
Reputation: 12047
[quote=charlygal;51210628]Fail at what? What is there to fail at? You're already retired. You know your income. Find a place and move. How can you fail at that?

By the way, you need to get over the cat thing. You may have to do a home finding trip. Your cats will be fine for a few days. The cat thing speaks more about you than the health and safety of the cats.[/quote]

What is it saying, please??
 
Old 03-04-2018, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,697 posts, read 3,265,052 times
Reputation: 12047
brightdoglover: I loved reading your post. Thank you.

Re family, my daughter and niece (both do not speak to me) are only family here. Nephew in VT who is upset with me for something I said about the election. Give me a break.

My son is in OK. Our relationship has been very difficult. Currently friendly via text messages, phone calls. But that's it. He spent time in prison which was extremely hard for him and me.

I have some friends. I'm noticing that I have let go of a few of them. Not a big reason to hang on. Just reminders of life gone by. The ones I do stay in touch with I very rarely see. Even tho we all live within maybe 20 miles of each other, the only real contact is by email and text. One is married, the other is a widow who has son and his family living with her and a daughter in Buffalo who she visits frequently. We do lunch maybe 4 or 5 times a year. Guess I could drive up for a lunch or two and they could drive down to me for a lunch or two.

The more I think of it, I have no idea why I am still here. I'm not well off financially but at least know what I can manage. Have learned a hard lesson about debt and don't want to do that again. The things I derive pleasure from are mostly free.

Thank you again. Wishing you continued luck and success in your move. Hope to hear more about it.
 
Old 03-04-2018, 02:55 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,421 posts, read 9,170,922 times
Reputation: 13153
Sounds like you have nothing to lose by moving.

I don’t know if you are religious, but if you are pray about it and see how God leads.

I moved “on faith” to my current location and it’s been wonderful. The move had nothing to with a job, just had to do with quality of life
 
Old 03-04-2018, 03:05 PM
 
1,227 posts, read 1,263,800 times
Reputation: 4310
Hi NYgal,

I was living in FL and slowly sinking. This was the place my family was killed by a drunk driver. This was the place my career ended because of the drunk driver. This was the place that all of my medical problems began because of that drunk driver. The grief was going to kill me. I didn't really want to be there. But I kept staying because I had a business, I had a home, I had a dog, I had friends.

I thought about moving for a long time and then I thought that I wasn't well enough to move. I put the thought aside but every so often the need to move would grow strong again.

One day I was eating dinner with a friend. His phone rang and he looked at who was calling and then he said to me: "Have I ever told you about my friend, Steve? This is a guy who had a rough life. His wife cheated on him and they got a divorce. He became depressed. He lost his job. He lost his house. He went bankrupt. He was a mess. One day he packed enough clothing for a few days, and he put his pack and his dog on his bike and he took off. He just wanted to clear his head. He wound up in Seattle. He had no plans to go there, but that is where the road took him."

"He arrived in Seattle two years ago with nothing and no plans to stay. But within the week he was offered a temporary assignment and that led to a full-time job. He met a really nice woman and now they are engaged. He just bought a house and he's been calling me for the last week to tell me about everything going on."

That conversation has stuck in my mind forever. It gave me the courage to sell my business and my house, to make investigative trips to this new city, to buy a house sight unseen, to buy a business here. If Steve could do it, so could I.... so can you.

Put out fresh water and food for your cat. Make sure the litter box is clean. Have a neighbor come in to scoop the litter and replace the food and water daily. Ask for pictures and updates so you know it is being done. Your cat will be fine for a week while you search.
 
Old 03-04-2018, 03:19 PM
 
13,350 posts, read 25,617,103 times
Reputation: 20624
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
brightdoglover:

Thank you again. Wishing you continued luck and success in your move. Hope to hear more about it.
You're welcome. I plan to post about my move and new life in retirement. Right now I'm just full of inertia, pretty sure it's a consequence of all those years of night shifts. I just take forever to get going. I am focusing on chiropractic and deep tissue work and other health-related things and it's not that interesting, certainly not novel, so I haven't been posting about myself. Leaving Massachusetts April 18 with my dog transporter and a third person. She says she's not sure how long it will take us to drive the 2200 miles "depends on the weather and the speed limits."
 
Old 03-04-2018, 03:22 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,697 posts, read 3,265,052 times
Reputation: 12047
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr5150 View Post
Sounds like you have nothing to lose by moving.

I donít know if you are religious, but if you are pray about it and see how God leads.

I moved ďon faithĒ to my current location and itís been wonderful. The move had nothing to with a job, just had to do with quality of life
I am not a church goer, but I do believe in God and believe in the power of prayer. I am trying to pray for guidance now as to what I should do. But that internal voice tells me to go and I believe that internal voice is God and the Holy Spirit.

Thank you for your post.
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