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This is about my family. My spouse and I need to handle it diligently, and need your advice.
I have had a difficult relationship with my oldest daughter because she claims I was too hard on her growing up, while I see it as teaching her discipline, learning how to take care of herself as an adult, and doing the correct thing as a grownup. She is 65 years' old, and was born with some learning difficulties, that at that time, there was no treatment for it, like today.
She married this women chaser, who will tell her that he is going out for milk, and will return three- days later.
She had a child seven years, after the marriage, then divorced him. She moved near us, and we took care of our only grandson. She spoiled this child to no end, even though, at times, we brought it to her attention. If the child needed $5 for a school project, she will give him $20, and tell him to keep the change. She always brought it to our attention that "I do not want to raise him, like you raised me."
Now, let's get to our grandson: Thirty-two years' old, tall, handsome, college-graduate, has a well-paying job and ladies flocking up to him everywhere, but always chooses the wrong one for a relationship. He chooses women who manipulate him, control him, and abuse him in many ways. His women are the "HOT TYPE." Skirts up to their booty, and decolletage down to their navel. And he cheats on them, just like his father did. He has had only two relationships, long-term, but sees multitude of women weekly..
We go to Florida for the winters, and he always comes down for 11 days, and goes down to Miami Beach to meet women, while still in a relationship, for the last four years.
He has a SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT in everything he does. Last year, he wanted to bring this woman into the house, and we objected. The heating pad that I used for my Degenerative Issues with my back, suddenly disappeared. We knew that there were only three people in the house, my spouse, myself, and him. I did not confront him, because my husband felt that he will stop helping us with our house back home, by doing certain chores that my spouse can no longer do. We are in our mid 80's. Our inheritance of over one- million dollars is going to his mother and him. We spoke about it, but we never accused him directly. After we returned home, he sent one through Amazon to our house, and nothing was said about it.
Second Incident: We went to Florida, and he came back to see us for 11 days. He wanted to go to Miami, and asked for the house keys, we refused that, since we only had one key for the front door, but my spouse offered to let him in, if he knocked by the window. He did not like that, but left anyway. He returned back home. He had given me a $100 Gift Card, for Christmas, and a $25 one for my birthday, that I had together in my pocketbook. And to our surprise, the $100 card was missing, but he left the $25 one. My spouse says the he saw him coming out of my bedroom, the day after. He is extremely generous with outsiders, and less so with the family.
Now, there were only three people in the house, at the time. My spouse, myself, and him. We feel that his mother has turned him against us. How should we handle this second intrusion into our lives. Should we confront him with it? It is not a question of the money, is a question of integrity, principle and abusing our trust in him. We fell we can no longer trust him, or feel safe around him.
Your consideration into this matter is greatly appreciated, and we thank you for the privilege of your time.
Awful situation. If I were in your shoes, this is what I would do. Don't rely on him anymore for help on your house. You admit you have money. Hire someone. Don't allow him to stay with you anymore while in Florida. He has a good job, right? Let him get a hotel room. And, I'd rewrite your wills. Give the money to a worthy charity. Your daughter and him are not one.
Tough advice, but nobody can take advantage of you unless you allow them. They are abusing you and taking advantage of you. Time to put a stop to it. It will hurt, but needs to be done.
I like volosong's advice. That is how I would handle it too. I would stop relying upon my grandson. I would hire help. I would not let him stay in my home. I would be cordial and warm. But I would not put myself in a position where my trust could be violated again.
As for the will, it is your choice who you wish to be your heirs. If you feel strongly that your daughter and grandson should be your beneficiaries, there is nothing wrong with that. If you choose to leave it to someone else or a charity there is nothing wrong with that either. You could leave a letter explaining your thoughts. Whatever you decide, I wouldn't discuss your will with your daughter or grandson again.
Why would he take your heating pad? Regardless, as others have said, be careful who you give your trust to and consider rewriting your will. Best wishes.
Difficult situation but I agree with the above. You probably needed to confront him when the heating pad disappeared, regardless of the consequences. Don't cower and bow down to this man, because he knows he has you over a barrel. Tell him he is no longer needed for house chores and ask him to stop staying at your home in Florida. His behavior needs to be reined in.
Elder abuse is what you are enduring. Protecting yourself is foremost.
The first post is accurate. Tough love has consequences. At any age. This isn't easy but swerves of life have many upsetting events.
Stress, at this point in time, from family members means it immediately needs to cease.
Why would he take your heating pad? Regardless, as others have said, be careful who you give your trust to and consider rewriting your will. Best wishes.
He seems to have issues when someone uses the word "NO." And the heating pad was the closest he can get to something that is very- dear to me, as I need it daily. This is an act of anger. However, we did not confront it, and he sent one through Amazon. He has been spoiled-rotten by his mom.
It doen't matter that he is spoiled rotten or that your daughter raised him this way. If he cannot respect you as a person, as his blood, as his grandparents . . . then he has no place in your lives. It is hard, and I'd bet you will shed many tears before you can fall asleep at night, but for your peace-of-mind and physical health, don't let them abuse you and take advantage of you and your husband any longer.
I agree with the other posters. Sad situation but there isn’t anything you can do to change your daughter or grandson but you can change your circumstances and expectations.
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