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I’m 60, my husband 66. Married for 37 yrs. It’s been a good marriage. We are still deeply in love and so happy to have these retirement years together. We are financially secure and grateful for that. But....
Last year our son died of a heroin overdose after fighting addiction for 10 years. We sent him to the best rehabs all over the country. In the end, we couldn’t save him. We never had that power, no one does. It was an indescribably painful journey and we wil grieve our beautiful, joyful little boy forever and then some.
Last year I was also diagnosed with breast cancer....had mastectomy, still undergoing treatment.
4 years ago I fell in the bathroom and suffered a brain injury. I live with ongoing migraine headaches, chronic pain, with very little relief. Yes, I’ve seen several neurologists and have tried most treatments currently available. Medical marijuana has helped a little. Right now I spend about half my day in bed with earplugs and often an eye mask to block out light. I have extreme light and noise sensitivity. I can’t fly, can’t grocery shop, can only eat out at “quiet” restaurants. It’s painful to socialize but I do it now and then as I miss my family and friends.
So we have a quiet life now. And it’s ok. In fact, I wouldn’t even call these things problems. It’s just life. Through all of this I’ve experienced moments of intense joy and gratitude I didn’t know were possible. Such is the alchemy of grief and suffering I suppose.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I would be devestated and I know it is not uncommon in these times for people to become addicted. I feel as if I could weather MANY things but losing one of my children or grandchildren is the most terrifying. You should be commended for your courage to continue putting one foot in front of another. I have a friend who's brilliant, handsome son committed suicide one month before graduating from college -- not a clue or a sign leading up to it. How she continues on is a lesson in courage.
My problems are few compared to others here -- I have an elderly, difficult mother but loving siblings who work together to help out. My children are married and successful and productive members of society but live far away -- I just deal with it by visiting often. My health is good and I feel financially stable if not swimming in money. My husband wants to move south for retirement but I hate the heat and don't want to move to a new area away from friends and family so that is something we argue about. I do get melancholy at times thinking about the past but mostly I am an optimistic person by nature.
I try to focus on gratitude for what I have -- good health, family and friends and no real money worries.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I would be devestated and I know it is not uncommon in these times for people to become addicted. I feel as if I could weather MANY things but losing one of my children or grandchildren is the most terrifying. You should be commended for your courage to continue putting one foot in front of another. I have a friend who's brilliant, handsome son committed suicide one month before graduating from college -- not a clue or a sign leading up to it. How she continues on is a lesson in courage.
My problems are few compared to others here -- I have an elderly, difficult mother but loving siblings who work together to help out. My children are married and successful and productive members of society but live far away -- I just deal with it by visiting often. My health is good and I feel financially stable if not swimming in money. My husband wants to move south for retirement but I hate the heat and don't want to move to a new area away from friends and family so that is something we argue about. I do get melancholy at times thinking about the past but mostly I am an optimistic person by nature.
I try to focus on gratitude for what I have -- good health, family and friends and no real money worries.
at least try the move down south with your hubby. Just make sure you have good air conditioning!
Has he ever done anything for you that he didn't want to do?
Having to give up north Florida and moving to CT,now trapped in a box.We were free as a bird for 25 years and now confined as in prison.There are no pluses to CT.
We are in our 80's and had to move to be near daughter,folks in FL we were friends with have passed and knew we could not be alone.
The post was long story short.
Our intentions were to spend some time with remaining family,unfortunately in past couple of years,my brother and sister have passed along with three brother in law's.
As far as children,our son at age 30,our rock passed from a brain tumor.He had himself established for what he wanted with the Denver PD,fortunately no children.I could continue.
My biggest problem is the decisions I need to make.
I yearn to move back to Canada to my hometown (after 37 years in US). Its seems so complicated. I have dual citizenship. I don't want to make a mistake that I'll regret yet I know I have to take a chance. Its my American retirement investments that worry me and being liable for IRS taxes while in Canada. I can get my SS started while living in Canada so apparently that is not a problem. I will need to get an Advisor.
In order to do this I must get repairs done on my house; get rid of most possessions; sell my house, find a temporary US residence, find a residence in Canada, get a Canadian bank account, and be prepared to leave my kids and grandchildren behind. Etc.
Oh yeah, and starting to feel the effects of cervical and lumbar spine osteoarthritis. My Rt foot also aches. Occasional Bursitis in L hip has now spread to R hip. My son wants me to move to his state so he can be nearby when I need him. But I don't like his state!
Starting to do Roth Conversions and resent the 7.5% tax imposed by my state. I need to get outta here. That being said I like my state for the location and huge variety things to do. Also many opportunities to practice my new career as an ESOL teacher.
However, back to my original statement, I yearn to move back home. Yes, I am wracked with indecision!
I feel really blessed and happy most of the time, but when everything is going well, I worry that something bad will happen. When I’m upset, it’s about a health worry, or something wrong with the kids or grandkids.
I have heard lately that my DIL is starting to feel as though my son is drinking too much. This is clouding all my happiness right now.
Raised difficult teenagers
Helped Mom and Dad and In-laws die
Got an education and worked
Tended a marriage of fifty-one years
Here's my new challenge. DH has been strong and healthy all his life. He's 73 and doesn't even wear glasses or take any medication. And like so many people with this pattern I've been expecting that he will decline very rapidly when it starts.
He was diagnosed with melanoma last year and has been having periodic surgeries to keep ahead of it. I think his doctors are doing an excellent job and he needs nothing else to take care of it. But I am concerned about his mental state.
He just hasn't had any practice at being ill and it seems to be weighing heavily upon him. I know this is emotional work he has to do for himself but I want to be the best support I can to him and help him transition to what may be a decline and I'm just no good at it. I do think he has male friends for that and I'm grateful that he does.
I think what I'm really saying when I say, "I'm no good at it" is actually that I don't know how to make him accept the inevitable. Duh, Girl.
I'm just in unfamiliar territory here and trying to make my way. It's not that I haven't walked this path with others but it's different with a lifelong partner.
I realize that I am very lucky to not have the burdens some are carrying and consider myself blessed at this time.
I had a period of trial and tribulations in my forties and fifties and am hoping that means I've paid my dues. The gift is that it's made me, like most of us 'mature" folks, tough as nails and confident that I can do the next thing.
He was diagnosed with melanoma last year and has been having periodic surgeries to keep ahead of it. I think his doctors are doing an excellent job and he needs nothing else to take care of it. But I am concerned about his mental state.
He just hasn't had any practice at being ill and it seems to be weighing heavily upon him.
You could mention to him that U.S. Senator John McCain first got melanoma in 2000 when he was 64, and since then for the past 17 or 18 years, he has had a very vital full life serving in the U.S. Senate, and even ran for President after that long ago diagnosis of melanoma, and removal of additional spots through the past 17 or 18 years. It's just now at age 81 that he has had a decline (brain cancer).
Last edited by matisse12; 05-01-2018 at 04:29 PM..
My biggest problem is the zombies will not WAKE UP to agenda 21.
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