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HATE to sound like a complete whuss, or worse yet, totally undisciplined,.......................
oh ok, i admit it, i am, gotta admit, self control never was part of my lexicon....but:
i can't get away with the bad bad habit of just buying whatever the hell i feel like. i promise, no more mosquito nets for entire villages in Africa, no more goats or chickens or wells either, not going to send any more money to Haiti or Puerto Rico. No more St. Jude's hospital. no more USO and other charities i give in my dad's name because he did, I do not have the retirement income he had, he had a great pension, and i didn't. I'm not Gloria Vanderbuilt for goddess's sake!!!!!!
I'm on my last $97 grand, and truly can't waste it the way i just went thru $100 K the past 8 years.... ok, there was the scammer that bilked me outta a huge sum of money.... almost $50,000. sheesh, was i dumb or what, i just never thought this kid would have done this to me, he truly was the son i had just lost in Fallujah a few years prior, he called me "mama C", he knew all the right buttons to push and i never suspected a thing..... but can't make such an excuse for that other $50K..... i totally spent money i shouldn't have to try to save the world, i can't keep giving endlessly!!!!!
Any one have some suggestions how to curb my spending therapy gene????? hints, self help websites???
I swore I would live by a budget this year, and it's May and STILL have not added up all my monthly expenses v.s. my monthly income. gotta do it, will do it. promise. kinda had to get over this huge hump this month for my lifelong friend who i never bought a birthday card for.... awful of me, i know, but there were very good reasons.... but i had to make up for it, just had to.... so no more visa charging for the rest of the year. seriously, will do that.... and make that budget before June
but maybe a few of you hear your old habit now alive in me, and how did you conquer it??? thanks so much for your help, i still don't know how to answer people privately (heck, so many nice people have left way over 350 rep points and comments since i returned from long ago, 2012!!!! , and i haven't a clue how to do it back. everyone here has been so kind, so nice, so darn friendly and complementary. honest, I could send you all a gift card to your fave restaurant! SEE??? this is how i think!!!!!!
It took me about a year into retirement to slow down my spending to where it needed to be. Gradually learned how to just be more careful. One favorite charity, a specific amount each month. A budget for groceries. This was the hardest, I like to cook and always bought whatever I wanted to make, now I make up new recipes with what I have in the house. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's less good... but we eat it. ;-)
The thought of being old and really poverty stricken keeps me on track.
Get a grip ceiligrrl. Just. Do. It.
I'm remembering some of your posts seem to indicate a thoughtful (which to me means not only thoughtful but also smart) and kind person. Be thoughtful about this issue and be kind to yourself. Remember, put your oxygen mask on before helping others.
Also, you can send a private message by clicking on the user name and following the prompts.
:-)
Last edited by LilyMae521; 05-08-2018 at 02:35 PM..
It's a mindset. You spend to escape. It's how it makes you feel. My sister is the same. She has a more than adequate annuitized income and still manages to build up credit card debt and never has money when she needs to do things around her house. Shops online and buys purses, paintings, jewelry - nothing she needs.
Because she doesn't value her credit, she gets no 0% credit card offers. Ends up taking from retirement funds for the big bills and then has a big unnecessary tax bill which requires yet another taxable withdrawal and triggers a higher Medicare premium to boot.
I could go over there to help her w/money management, I can't stop her spending money she shouldn't on useless stuff.
I've never been a thoughtless spender. When I retired I set up an Excel budget sheet and cut, cut, cut anywhere I could, found good deals on things I was paying too much for, bought coupons off ebay for groceries, was a real skinflint for years, found a great Medicare plan (not available in most states) that pays me instead of me paying them. That alone put me ahead about $4k/year. Today, I have more retirement money now than I did nine years ago, despite taking RMDs for the past seven years and always have more than enough money in a money market for emergencies.
If I had blown more than 50% of my retirement savings the first nine years of my retirement, I can't imagine how depressed I'd be. Horrible thought.
You need to get very HARD HEADED about money. It's not difficult. 2+2 still equals four. Further, you need to comprehend the future value of the money you do not spend today. Regularly spending $200/mo. on dumb stuff, instead of investing in a relatively conservative mutual fund at 7%, equates to $30,000 ten years from now. Think about this every time you want to throw away money.
I tend to think of myself as frugal. However, Amazon.com seems to get a lot of my money. I have a pretty good annuity income (not spectacular, but decent). Still, every time I go to pay off my Amazon CC, I feel irritated to see how much I have spent. These guys are exceptional at marketing because they make it so easy to buy. With reviews and other provided information, I can become convinced that a particular item is a good buy. One thing that helps is when I find something I want is to add it to my Amazon Wishlist. Many, many times, I go back later and delete it as it no longer seems necessary.
I'm not a big Suze Orman fan, but she has a saying I like, something like, "You have to learn to enjoy saving money as much as you enjoy spending it". Maybe set little mini-savings goals for yourself.
I tend to think of myself as frugal. However, Amazon.com seems to get a lot of my money. I have a pretty good annuity income (not spectacular, but decent). Still, every time I go to pay off my Amazon CC, I feel irritated to see how much I have spent. These guys are exceptional at marketing because they make it so easy to buy. With reviews and other provided information, I can become convinced that a particular item is a good buy. One thing that helps is when I find something I want is to add it to my Amazon Wishlist. Many, many times, I go back later and delete it as it no longer seems necessary.
Definitely like the Amazon wishlist - some things I go back and look at from a few months earlier and I'm like "why did I think I needed or even wanted THAT?". It's a good way to slow yourself down. You've satisfied whatever need to make note of that item somehow but without spending anything on it yet. If it's truly something you want in a few months then you can seriously consider it - but no impulse spending.
Ok, now that you've clicked to rep someone, let's look at your spending and what you can do from now.
First, philanthropic donations are a great thing, but not if it lands you in the poor house. Leave that to The likes of Bill Gates, Warren Buffet and the Mark Zuckerbergs of tge wprld who have it to give.
Second scammers are always out for you money. Even a beggar on the street would take your last quarter if you offered it. Do not part with your money for any reason that doesn't benefit you directly. Even a small business loan you make can go south. Ask yourself each time someone wants money "how will this benefit me"? If it doesn't, DON'T DO IT.
Third, you habe to stop the buying. There ARE "Shopaholics Anonymous" groups like any addiction groups. FIND ONE PRONTO. it will give you an outlet to share and hear stories like yours. GO and GO OFTEN. If not in your area, look to find out how to start one.
Fourth, instead of spending try changing your mindset to SAVING. Make a game to see how much you can make that $97k reach $100k, then $105k and so on. Watching that number grow might change your mindset to SAVING instead of fluttering away your money. You shoukd get a new high just from watching that number grow.
Fifth, look into investments where you "lock away" your money so you can't get to it easily to spend it. Even a 5 year CD at the bank carries a stiff penalty for early withdrawal. And you'll earn interest. An online bank attached to your physical bank may help as it seems farther away to get to it. An investment account, even a Roth IRA can help.
Sixth, get rid of credit cards if they are or add to your downfall. Keep only 2 best interest or best rewards cards and ditch the rest, cut them up, and pay them off. Jeep one for regular use and one for back up if the first gets compromised or something. That reduces the chances you will use credit to feed your habit. Pay off the card you use every month without exception out of current income.
Take those baby steps and you should succeed with baby steps.
You've got to start somewhere.
Start now with a budget and take some steps to rectify the situation.
There are 5 steps to problem solving.it goes something like this :
1) identify the problem ( you've done that now)
2) come up with possible solutions ( you're doing that now)
3) institute a solution(s)
4) evaluate if the solution(s) is/are working, if not go back to step 2 and 3 , institute a new solution
5) re-evaluate and use the working solution to solve the problem
Now that you've cried in your coffee, start with numbers 2 and 3!
My challenge is that we've been frugal for so long that we have a pretty modest but comfortable lifestyle, and lots of retirement funds that we're not spending. RMDs are coming in three years or so (have an October birthday, so I get extra time!) and our income will be forced up, but spending it then (or even now) doesn't feel very comfortable. We constantly remind ourselves we don't need to break our backs, so to speak, on DIY, that we can afford to hire someone. But it's hard.
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