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my obligations to my children ended the day they graduated from college.....all on my dime.
maybe i'm just feistier and tougher .....maybe it was just easier for me to grow a pair, but now is my time for me.
i do not babysit, i do not do yard work. i do not house sit. i do not walk dogs or feed cats. I told all 3 kids that this is my time to have some time for me, something i never could do while raising them working 4 jobs. Phoeey on 'em.
they all have great jobs, and can afford to pay others to make their lives more bearable. It isn't up to me to do so.
Sheesh, this is about the fifth thread in the past couple of weeks with folks complaining about how their family treats them....and I've said it to them and I'll say it to you: People are only going to get away with this behavior because YOU LET THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FIND SOME BACKBONE ............. LET THEM GROW UP. YOU OWE THEM NOTHING. YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY.
if i knew you going to come and do things for me i wouldn't do them either. i'd just wait for you to show up!
Unfortunately that is one of the root causes. Our willingness to help family members with tasks when we visit, has become warped and distorted over a period of decades into us becoming servants/slaves to them. Now, they won't do a damn thing for themselves.
Unfortunately that is one of the root causes. Our willingness to help family members with tasks when we visit, has become warped and distorted over a period of decades into us becoming servants/slaves to them. Now, they won't do a damn thing for themselves.
Pathological laziness is another cause.
You can't see YOUR role in creating this situation? You blame them?
How does anyone TELL you that you are having a party on July 4th, or TELL you that you will be watching their dogs while they go out of town???? I cannot fathom this............
They were both told No! Just their attitude that we are instantly available for their whims is enough to tick me off.
I found an easy fix to this problem. A relative on my wife's side of the family, someone that previously never came around us, ask for a favor. He found out I owned an 18 wheeler moving van and that I had people in the moving business.
First he ask if I had extra moving boxes, dollies and pads, said not sure about boxes, but I had the other things. Next he ask if I could let him have my workers, that he would pay them $10 per hour. Finally he ask if I could drive my truck, that he would pay for fuel.
I said no problem, I would take care of everything, all that I needed from him was to stay out of the way. And since the move was only 40 miles away all it would cost him was $2000 up front and $1000 upon completion. In all the years since, I never heard from him again.
You don’t have family members, you have freeloaders who share your DNA, or married into it. Let ‘em get as pissy as they can, put the phone on speaker, and walk away.
I feel your pain. You have a good heart. We just spent 2/3 of our weekend helping our daughter with her new home. I installed curtains, blinds, smoke detectors, had to go purchase a lawn mower, and actually mow the overgrown lawn.
Why did we do it? Out of love and because, like yourselves, we are giving people. Don't listen to these other hard a$$es. Continue to do it, but remember, retirement is YOUR TIME! Just tone it down a bit and realize, your family appreciates everything you do. Hopefully, they will be there for you when you need them.
I only wish they did appreciate it. I fear they no longer do realize the time (and money) sacrifices we are making.
Tread carefully, volunteer your time selectively, and don't get backed into the same corner we find our selves in now. Our battle to get out of this corner will not be pretty based on the dog-sitting and party refusals we gave yesterday.
Oh yeah. The hard-ass comments posted here are identical to the verbal comments make by the worst abusers of OUR time. Slightly ironic that the biggest drainers of our time and energy espouse themselves to be Saints by refusing to help others. I think they might.........oh heck, I have no idea what they think.
It seems you're the Go-To family member. That can only happen by cheerfully placing yourself in that position, by never complaining, never saying no to all your family's requests. How would they know you're feeling used by them? You have an obligation to be honest with them.
There is nothing wrong with saying "No". If you say no and family starts to chide you about that, walk away without any further explanation. If they respect you, they'll accept your refusal and say nothing more about it.
If you say no to hosting a 4th of July backyard family festival, but family shows up anyway, you are under no obligation to feed or entertain them. You should jump in your car and drive away if they don't immediately leave at your request. Lock the house doors first. If you have a portable BBQ grill toss it in your car trunk and take it with you. Take all the lawn chairs too. LOL!
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