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As I said, I have volunteered MANY times over the years, including a political campaign. nature trail clean-up, several years at my kids' schools, many years as a hospital volunteer, soccer team "parent" (snack and 'last game party' organizer), assistant Girl Scout leader, trail clean-up, and as a reading tutor for an underprivileged kids, and most recently, two years at a food bank. However, as I said in my first post, volunteering just no longer holds any interest for me -- or at least not now. The food bank experience left a very bad taste in my mouth, no pun intended, as at least 90% of our clientele were not good people, and many were ungrateful/entitled to the point they would complain about the selection of food or if we we ran out of cookies or creamer in the waiting area. It was mostly because of that, that I went from being a "mostly liberal" to a moderate.
However, volunteering IS a very good suggestion for many people, so thanks for the suggestion!
I help with the food bank.
That is just part of volunteering with people less fortunate than you.
Talk to them, be kind. Maybe this is the only time in their day that they can feel "entitled". You were right when you said you have first world problems - these people have basic need problems and probably most due to some kind of mental issues.
That is just part of volunteering with people less fortunate than you.
Talk to them, be kind. Maybe this is the only time in their day that they can feel "entitled". You were right when you said you have first world problems - these people have basic need problems and probably most due to some kind of mental issues.
Yes, I know -- but when I realized that most of the feelings I had while working there were not kind, I knew it was time for me to quit!
Oh, and yes, many food bank clients probably do have some kind of mental health problems, if one includes depression, but the great majority of our clients were in the U.S. illegally and/or single mothers with multiple children. What bothered me the most, though, were our clients who obviously could afford elaborate manicures, tattoos and/or cigarettes, but apparently did not have enough money for food. As I came from a working poor background -- my mom even took in laundry for a while and my dad sometimes had to to have a part-time job in addition to his full-time job to support us, and neither resorted to ANY kind of "help" (substance abuse or 'welfare') -- it was very difficult for me to not feel judgmental toward our clients. I am actually surprised that I lasted two years at the food bank.
Anyway, I think all this just proves that i was not a good fit for that kind of volunteering. I do know that it is wrong to be so judgmental, and that is just one more flaw in my personality that displeases me. However, I have tried very hard not to show any judgmental feelings and opinions I might have except for here on C-D and with people I am comfortable with, and I just hope that I succeeded while I was working at the food bank.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53
And stop reading the political forum and/or watching the news. Stick to the Hallmark channel and all will be right with your world!!
Ha-HA!! I don't have cable -- I hate almost all TV (BBC dramas being about the only exception now) -- and I must say that there is nothing like reading the P&OC forum to get my blood stirring (and my dander up, as my grandparents used to say!)
Seriously, Clemencia, I truly do like your posts because they are always so thoughtful, well-written, and logical. I am sure that you would be in my list of top ten favorite posters, if I had such a list.
Last edited by katharsis; 08-23-2018 at 07:07 AM..
Yes, I know -- but when I realized that most of the feelings I had while working there were not kind, I knew it was time for me to quit!
Oh, and yes, many food bank clients probably do have some kind of mental health problems, if one includes depression, but the great majority of our clients were in the U.S. illegally and/or single mothers with multiple children. What bothered me the most, though, were people who obviously could afford elaborate manicures, tattoos and/or cigarettes, but apparently did not have enough money for food. As I came from a working poor background -- my mom even took in laundry for a while and my dad sometimes had to to have a part-time job in addition to his full-time job to support us, and neither resorted to ANY kind of "help" (substance abuse or "welfare" -- it was very difficult for me to not feel judgmental toward our clients. I am actually surprised that I lasted two years at the food bank.
Anyway, I think all this just proves that i was not a good fit for that kind of volunteering. I do know that it is wrong to be so judgmental, and that is just one more flaw in my personality that displeases me. However, I have tried very hard not to show any judgmental feelings and opinions I might have except for here on C-D and with people I am comfortable with, and I just hope that I succeeded while I was working at the food bank.
you didn't complete the whole cycle.
Yes, all would feel judgmental. We all have those thoughts - well most all. But then you keep going back. You start feeling more in tune with them. Those thoughts no longer cross your mind. You just see them as people with flaws and we all have flaws. You stopped short of that.
I just can't even. OP, you actually sound depressed to me. I can't imagine being BORED. There is so much to do in this world. I honestly can't even fathom how anyone could be bored. I honestly think you should get a screening for depression.
I just can't even. OP, you actually sound depressed to me. I can't imagine being BORED. There is so much to do in this world. I honestly can't even fathom how anyone could be bored. I honestly think you should get a screening for depression.
I just finished reading through every single response, and I agree with this - at your "well check" please ask to be screened for depression. You've mentioned a lifelong mild depression, but raising two tumultuous teens only to lose one is enough to trigger severe depression. You may have worked your way "back", but you're not fully "there" yet. Please take care of yourself.
Touch base with StealthRabbit. He needs a parking spot. You two could easily work something out.
And finally, selfishly, I second the suggestion someone (sorry, I didn't note who made the suggestion) said several pages in - think about creating a "personal chef" home business.
When I finish this post, I'm off to Googleville to see if there are any personal chef services in my area. I'm looking for single-serve meals, ordering five days' worth of dinners. I can muddle through on the weekends.
Chef delivers, or I pick up. I'm not looking for haute cuisine, just something healthy and reheatable. For me, cooking is a task, not something I derive enjoyment doing, and if I can find someone to perform that task for me, I will - and I can't tell you how thrilled it would make me!
Just looking for advice for others who are or have been in this position. Here's my situation:
March 2016: Husband, then aged 59, laid off from Mon-Fri, 8-5 job after four years with that company. I had left the work force a few years before that. After two months while my husband continued to be unemployed, I found a part-time evenings and weekends job that I enjoyed. As we only have one car -- we don't need two of them -- I wanted to be able to continue working if my husband did find work.
September 2016: My husband recalled to his previous job. I continued working, but only three evenings per week, as we would hardly see each otherwise.
March 2018: My husband quit his job. (Long story, irrelevant to this thread.) We decided that as he was now almost 62 and I was almost 65, we would BOTH retire this summer (2018) unless he found another good-paying job that he wanted to do. I began searching for possible retirement properties online.
May 2018: We took a ten-day vacation to check out two out-of-state areas we were considering for retirement. I was very excited about this because our current location and home had lost its appeal for me decades ago, but we were "stuck" because of our kids and my husband's job. My husband also was more than resigned (almost happy) to embark on retirement, too. However, during our scouting trip, we did not find anything to suit us, so we came home, and then -- surprise! -- my husband was offered a new job which he accepted and now LOVES. However, I had to reduce my hours to only working Saturday evenings because his new job requires him to get up at 5:00 a.m. and he must pick me up from work at 11 p.m. (So if I work during the week, he doesn't get enough sleep, plus Fridays are our "date nights".)
Current situation: He has been very happy at his job for three months now, but I am stuck at home for the most part and feel very let down and BORED, even though I try to keep myself busy. We decided that this time, we would make a retirement plan to retire in three years when he is 65, regardless, but the idea of waiting that long with so little to occupy my time is very depressing to me.
To be clear, I don't want him to leave his job and retire now because he is so happy at his new job, but I am getting more than a little bored doing nothing but housework, reading, and writing. (I'm an introvert and have no friends, which has never bothered me before now -- and the suburb we live in is full of families in which both parents work during the day. I also have no hobbies and am not a "crafts-y" type of person, and although I have volunteered for many years at various times in my life, volunteering no longer holds any interest for me, either.)
I know that this is a First World Problem and that other people have much worse problems than I have, and I also know that it is "only" three more years to wait, but it seems like an eternity. I also know that he was very lucky to find a good job that pays so well at his age, and that if we were to move early, he might not find anything else he might like as much plus he says he is not really ready to retire, plus he has a strong work ethic, so he would not feel right about leaving his employer even if we both wanted him to do so.
So, to repeat, I am just looking for any advice from anyone who is or has been in my position (other than to just "Suck it up, Buttercup", lol).
Thanks in advance!
Where do you guys live? I see Colorado, but near Denver, somewhere else? $300 per month expense for a car sounds high. Maybe the answer is as simple as buying another car? You can consider an older truck as your "ride", having a truck around is handy. Having a second car is handy. Can you get your job to use you more hours per week?
I'm 60, and could retire with my "full" pension right now, but, I like my job, it would be hard to get anything like it again if I retired. The money is decent. DW does not work outside the house, though.
Having not read every post, here is my 2 cents: I would recommend keeping busy with volunteering and while at home research on the computer possible retirement communities, including places of interest in those communities, such as churches, shopping, airports, etc. If you are able, try to periodically take short vacations or long weekends to some of your possible retirement destinations to scope out the areas. This enables you to observe different locations while at the same time keep your hopes up knowing you are heading in the right direction.
You may have some mild depression because your immediate hopes vanished and now 3 years seems like forever. Sometimes keeping as busy as you are able to and trying to keep your hopes up will help a great deal. It is very fortunate you and your husband have a good marriage relationship. You will pull through this, it sometimes takes an extra bit of faith, but it can be done.
Without burdening you, in a way I am in your shoes. My husband and I built a retirement house a couple years ago when he was planning to retire at 62, but unbeknownst to us at the time he was not eligible for health care until he turned 65. And healthcare is an absolute necessity in my opinion. So, we ended up selling the retirement home and are still 21 months away from his actual retirement date. I have been trying to keep busy researching and we have been able to travel some looking for a retirement location, still haven't found anything, but at least it keeps the momentum going.
I wish you the best, try to keep positive, you will someday look back at this and you will wonder where the time went!
Buy or lease another car and go get a part time gig. Get out of the house.
I vote for this one. Buy or lease another car.
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