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Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,690 posts, read 57,994,855 times
Reputation: 46171
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PamelaIamela
Did anyone, OP included, catch the deep sarcasmic intent of my post?
If not, I apologize.
Folks, we are in desperate need of a SARCASM EMOGI !!!
Sure, some of us got the jab... but, as is often the case on 'retirement entitlement'...There is only a 5 Degree Field of View here. (Don't look to the Left... Don't look to the Right), Proceed ONLY as directed, It is a GOOD fit for all / tell others what NARROW path to follow...
If not... They will "Throw a FIT"
Raised kids... BTDT.
Kid's College Education 12 pages on a retirement forum
Nothing better to do than to direct others in one of 10,000 topics of retirement & equally important as #10,001 topic of retirement. Coulda-shoulda-woulda
Kid's College Education
Lesson #401,000 addressed 40 yrs ago. * NOT to the direction of others who know / care NOTHING about our own life-long value set. / instilling responsibility.
Every situation is different... continue on. Life will have plenty of Gotchas
Last edited by StealthRabbit; 09-03-2018 at 01:56 AM..
Did anyone, OP included, catch the deep sarcasmic intent of my post?
If not, I apologize.
Folks, we are in desperate need of a SARCASM EMOGI !!!
Yes Pamela, I did note the sarcasm, but I also thought I detected a good-natured humorous vibe....so I took your post as that.
Sarcasm is one of those things that does not convey well on the Interwebs. That's why there is no Sarcasm EMOJI. I've found that what helps transmit Sarcasm is that "Sad Trombone" sound -- wah-wah-wah
For Example --
You folks who didn't spend a dime on your Kid's College....did you at least gave them Lunch Money in High School ? You didn't send them to school barefoot, did you ?? wah-wah-wah-wah.
But there are alot of parents that can and instead saddle their kids with huge debt on advice from the financial planning industry. And no I dont believe in trophys for everyone but I do believe in taking care of the kids you bring into the world.
Gee, should you buy their first car Too?
And buy them a home Too?
And Pay the cost a to raise theor kids Too? After all they are your grandchildren.
My point is: where does your responsibility end and they become responsible adults of their own?
Preparing them for the world also means preparing them to take personal responsibility for themselves.
I'm somewhat with stealth rabbit. I did not finish my own college education as I ran out of money, and then health problems got in the way. But I was paying 100% myself, work as I go.
I was actually working 2 full time jobs, and carrying 12 credit hours , came out with 3 As and 1 B each of two semesters.
I think I did so well BECAUSE I was paying for it myself.i wanted it more, so I worked hard for thise grades, ( compared to barely passing in hs), and I worked hard at two jobs, too.
I then moved and later went back on student loans. I racked up $12,300 in just one semester at a 2 year that is growing to be a 4 year college. They said: need money for tuition? Sign here, books? Sign here. School supplies? Sign here. Housing? Sign here. Living expenses? Sign here, etc etc and on and on
I developed more health problems and had to drop out thst next semester. I was amazed at how much I racked up, and how easily, even with Pell and whatever other grants there were .
Again I came out with 3 As and 1 B. ( seems to be my theme?)
I firmly believe they should have skin in the game.
We will give each of our great nephews $5k per year to help, and $5 k towards a reliable car, but that about it. I posted our plans for them in a thread similar to this one ( may be it was this one). We think we will definitely match what ever they earn and save of their own, probably not dollar for dollar, though. Maybe $0.25 per dollar.
We both work hard for peanuts, and have planned well for our retirement, ( we think and hope it works tgey way we planned) with no help and late in life. Why OH why should we detail our retirement to enrich them?
I highly doubt they will fork over a grand or two a month when we become destitute because we paid out $300k for the three of them to go to college. I don't see that happening. I could be wrong. But it's also wrong to expe t us to pay for their college completely.
In our case. They have parents, but we enjoy them very much, and will help out IF we can.( We enjoy them as if they were our own, but we can send them home too !)
And it's none of your business, OP, if we choose to NOT PAY for them and retire early. We both have several medical issues, ( me far worse than my OH) that may preclude us from working til we are 95 and ready to die at our work station. So retiring early may be beneficial to us. Im currentky dealing with cancer. Who knows i maynot live to see them graduate hs. Let alone retire and or pay fir their college.
And if that means we DON'T help with college, so be it.
We also have it set up so their inheritance doesn't kick in until age 35. They won't get to loaf around in our hard work and slaved at savings for retirement.
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,690 posts, read 57,994,855 times
Reputation: 46171
Quote:
Originally Posted by FiveLoaves
...
For Example --
You folks who didn't spend a dime on your Kid's College....did you at least gave them Lunch Money in High School ? My kids were in college during HS age, so.... No Lunch money (They were financially on their own by age 12, wage & farm income, buying their own clothes and gas and car by age 16)
You didn't send them to school barefoot, did you ?? Well, since they were home schooled and we lived in Asia, I expect they were barefoot a lot! (and on the beach!).
Definitely on (2) 'wave length's here. My peer group (STEM / research scientists and engineers and teachers / profs) were more aligned with our family's voyage through life. Nearly all homeschooled (including PS teachers), and nearly all went to college instead of HS, and hardly any provided financial support to their college age kids Crumb... when do you expect them to grow up! 18 is WAY late! Many have already been driving (2) yrs. Many are already off to WAR!
YMMV, but mine were LONG gone by age 18, and fully capable much before that. (as planned ... train them / enjoy them while young... tomorrow is elusive. especially for farm kids... some get killed every day, I lost a lot of classmates long before HS graduation)
I think that in the event a parent will not be able to pay for college, it needs to be communicated clearly, earlier rather than later. Don't set the expectation "if you graduate with straight A's, I'll pay for you to go to Harvard if you want!" if you can't live up to it.
Some parents will not be able to pay for their children's tuition. It's just a fact. Just like some kids whose college would have been fully funded will never take advantage of what's offered to them.
I saw the term "retirement entitlement" being thrown around. If you're just coming to the realization that the finite amount of income you'll have in the future will allow you to EITHER retire OR send your kid to college... think.
There may be a period in the sunset of your life where you are very much alive but unable to work. I understand and support investing in the next generation, but in most states, filial responsibility laws would cause your children to end up on the hook for you anyway.
Exploring community college and transferring credit to minimize loan amounts, or seeking out an employer who offers employees tuition assistance may be necessary for both parties, parent AND child, to be solvent in the coming years.
Maybe the dream school has to wait until it's time to apply for grad school. Find out whether your field of interest has a hard requirement for a degree such as medicine or law, or it's flexible as with some tech roles.
I'm glad my kids are finished with college. I did pay for it because I value education and I had taught them to focus on becoming well educated. They are well into their careers and their compensation is way higher than I ever achieved. I don't expect to run out of money during retirement, but if I did they would certainly help me out.
But since then, college has become even more expensive. I think we've reached a point where most families cannot get there from here, i.e. it's not possible to earn and save enough to pay for a house, two cars, retirement, and future college expenses for your children.
I am now doing a consulting project for my previous employer and I'm helping to train the new generation. Too many of these young engineers have college debts of about $80K each. That makes it difficult for them to afford housing.
But it could be worse. They could have that debt and chosen a career that pays substantially less.
There may be a period in the sunset of your life where you are very much alive but unable to work. I understand and support investing in the next generation, but in most states, filial responsibility laws would cause your children to end up on the hook for you anyway.
Not yet, but it might be coming in our futures. Currently the Filial Responsibility Laws are seldom enforced, one web source that I read last week stated that Medicaid rules prohibit enforcement by the States. The more this topic is openly discussed the closer we may be approaching the Laws' re-enactment.
What about Filial Responsibility for Siblings? That concept terrifies me.
I think that in the event a parent will not be able to pay for college, it needs to be communicated clearly, earlier rather than later. Don't set the expectation "if you graduate with straight A's, I'll pay for you to go to Harvard if you want!" if you can't live up to it.
Some parents will not be able to pay for their children's tuition. It's just a fact. Just like some kids whose college would have been fully funded will never take advantage of what's offered to them.
I saw the term "retirement entitlement" being thrown around. If you're just coming to the realization that the finite amount of income you'll have in the future will allow you to EITHER retire OR send your kid to college... think.
There may be a period in the sunset of your life where you are very much alive but unable to work. I understand and support investing in the next generation, but in most states, filial responsibility laws would cause your children to end up on the hook for you anyway.
Exploring community college and transferring credit to minimize loan amounts, or seeking out an employer who offers employees tuition assistance may be necessary for both parties, parent AND child, to be solvent in the coming years.
Maybe the dream school has to wait until it's time to apply for grad school. Find out whether your field of interest has a hard requirement for a degree such as medicine or law, or it's flexible as with some tech roles.
I think this is a very important point. Choosing not to fund your kids' college tuition does not negate responsibility for helping them to develop a plan for achieving the education they desire. Being eighteen does not automatically mean a young person is capable of handling the myriad details of adult life, and the loan industry is more than willing to take advantage of a young person's naivete. Whether you have $200k to give or nothing at all, don't withdraw your counsel. Your kids still need it.
Last edited by randomparent; 09-06-2018 at 11:11 AM..
Yes Pamela, I did note the sarcasm, but I also thought I detected a good-natured humorous vibe....so I took your post as that.
Sarcasm is one of those things that does not convey well on the Interwebs. That's why there is no Sarcasm EMOJI. I've found that what helps transmit Sarcasm is that "Sad Trombone" sound -- wah-wah-wah
You're right, FiveLoaves. There was a bit of good-natured vibe 'cause I'm a funny gal ..can't help myself.
I think you're a smart guy but a bit tough on parents that aren't so well-off .. thanks for not being 'horifically offended' by my little jibe. (NO SARCASM!)
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18 is WAY late! Many have already been driving (2) yrs. 
(NO SARCASM!)
