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Old 10-16-2018, 09:48 PM
 
4,738 posts, read 4,016,316 times
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Reality is a house full of junk is sold at a great discount in the real world.
Unless she sold it to you at a heavy discount AND she carried the paper, so you didn't have to have a down or qualify with a lender...then you might have something to discuss.
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Old 10-16-2018, 09:51 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,083 posts, read 22,924,480 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
This is correct.

She seems very nervous about selling it. She has been going back and forth between her house and my aunt's this summer, but only staying at her house maybe a third of the time. She likes the freedom of being able to stay with my aunt, then going back home.

I know she wants to me to buy it because she knows I'll let her come visit, and she won't be totally "cut off" from the property. She's talked about my aunt's stepson or his ex-wife buying it, but their credit is totally shot.

She's talked about donating all this furniture to the Salvation Army and such, but while a charity might take some of it, none of it is valuable enough to be sold for much money. I have a feeling most of her possessions that she doesn't take will end up in a Waste Management dumpster.
This solidifies in my mind what i was thinking while I read this thread.

My guess is that she really doesn't want to commit to moving. She wants to keep her options open as far as moving back to her home, if she doesn't like moving in with a relative. To me, this is really reasonable.

Not sure how old you are or your grandma is, but I'm in my early 60's and the very first thing i thought when I read your OP, is that she wants to have the freedom to move back home, if things don't work out with moving in with the relative.

So, if there's a way you can just say no to buying it or renting it, but help her be able to keep it as a back-up, that would be a kindness to her.

I will say that hiring a property management company is nearly always a really bad idea. I used to be a property manager myself, and I can say that most property management companies will rip you off. They will nickel and dime you to death and you wont' make a profit and will most likely end up in the hole.

So, you'd want to either manage it yourselves, as a rental, or just sell it and put the money into something that would be secure for her - maybe a revocable living trust or something of that nature.

But, my guess is that she's just really nervous of closing the door to her back-up option of just going back home, if things don't work out with the relative.

As an older person, I would highly recommend that you try to think of your elderly relatives as people who are just as smart - if not more so - than you. There is a tendency in America to think the people who have successfully managed their own lives and properties for eons, for some reason supposedly aren't capable of doing so anymore after a certain age. This is the opposite of many other cultures.

Just because I have white hair now, doesn't somehow negate the 60+ years of experience on this planet in all aspects of life here.
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Old 10-17-2018, 05:45 AM
 
Location: NJ
10,669 posts, read 21,344,566 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Some of you may remember that I've had several threads on my grandmother over the years. She had a knee replacement at the first of the year, got over that, but is still not really mobile enough to live independently in the tri-level home she's owned since 1967.

Over the last few weeks, she's begun moving into my aunt's condo. Her day-to-day things are over at my aunt's, but here's the rub.

1) Grandma doesn't want to sell the home. For now, she has the cash to cover it. The home has not been lived in much this year. She's stayed there some over the summer, but other than that, she's mostly been at my aunt's. She's paying the upkeep on it.

2) We've discussed turning it over to a property manager as a rental. It would augment her income, but she's afraid the house will just get trashed.

The only thing she seems to WANT to do is sell it to me or some of the other family members. The "bones" are fine, but the home needs to be updated. I don't want the house. It is closer to my current office, so at most I might rent it for a few months until I can leave. I don't want to deal with having her stuff and my stuff in it. I really don't want much to do with it.

Did your parents try to get you to take over family property as they aged? Are you trying to do the same to your kids?
I thought you were looking to move out of state? We know you're not staying there so I doubt it's a secret in your family. I'd use that as a way to bow out of buying it.
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Old 10-17-2018, 06:48 AM
 
7,977 posts, read 11,655,757 times
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My mother passed in 2015, I lived in an apt still working 4 hours away. It passed to me, my sibling and my nephew. My nephew was the closest relative, he cleaned out the house, did some painting etc. and rented it out which paid for taxes and upkeep (new windows). Every so often we are "what happened to?" well everything got thrown out but its ok, we not only can live without whatever it is we were wondering about we usually forget about it in a few minutes. We too all struggle with our own junk.

Thing is, this is in a fairly depressed town in a fairly depressed state. The house is paid for so any sale would be "profit" but it wouldn't sell for much even though its a relatively decent house. Figuring out what to do with it is a bit of a conundrum.

My mother always asked us to promise to never sell, always have someone live here because my father built the house. We never promised. We mostly didn't sell though because we would all 3 have to make a decision. We don't fight or disagree but it would require a decision.

Then I retired and was trying to find a house in a touristy pricey location where prices had skyrocketed to the moon in a hot real estate market. I wasn't having much luck. I was asked why not just move in, it was closer to the location where I was looking. I resisted for 2 years. I had no desire to go back to my depressed small town and live in my parents house. The house, is pretty sound and liveable but has....needs.

Finally for various reasons I caved and moved in 2 months ago. It hasn't been bad. I like being closer to family and I'm sort of a quiet homebody so having fewer options in a small depressed town isn't that big a deal. I drive to neighboring towns more, I wish the library was bigger. Finding a dentist and doctor and medical care is my biggest problem. The house does stress me out a little but again, there are upsides. Not many situations in my life have been perfect.

So...moving in was a nice option. Theoretically I'm saving money on rent although so far I've put out far more with moving and stuff for the house. It'll take a good year to recoup, if not longer.
When (if?) I move I'm not sure what our next move re this house will be. Its nice for my sib to have a crash pad when visiting town but someone needs to be in a house. We had a small leak that damaged a ceiling while no one was living here.

So I guess my point, if I have one, is don't dismiss the idea too readily. Of course moving in when there is still the idea of your grandmother moving back is an additional consideration.
Even more so is the fact that she wants you to buy it. That I personally would not do. Rent it from her maybe.
But if you are sure, then just insist no. You may offer to help her start to downsize her stuff and get ready for whatever you all decide.
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Old 10-17-2018, 07:35 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,767 posts, read 4,827,803 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61nyc View Post
to answer the OP,
op when my dad died we sold his house quicker than you can blink. It was an old pre wwII brownstone in Harlem NY. you can't imagine the money to upkeep that sucka.
I have 3 siblings and not one of us wanted that thing. now my dad had a will so wasn't any fighting to be had and 3 out of the 4 of us don't live in NY anymore and no one is moving back.

I've got this headache now. My late husband collected sports memorabilia. crap is all over my basement. can't throw it out because it's signed stuff and my sons don't want it.
E-Bay. There are folks who will even photgoraph and market the stuff on E-Bay for you, for a percentage or flat fee. Or contact an auction house and have them auction it off for you.
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Old 10-17-2018, 07:41 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,767 posts, read 4,827,803 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
I thought you were looking to move out of state? We know you're not staying there so I doubt it's a secret in your family. I'd use that as a way to bow out of buying it.
^^^That^^^ Why would you buy a home in a city you're trying to leave soon? That is your way out of buying it. What NoMoreSnow said rings true...If someone in the family buys it, she probably thinks she'll still have access to the home and her stuff, she just won't have to pay for it anymore. The fact that she doesn't want to sell it to someone other than family seems to reinforce that idea.

At any rate, you can't be made to buy something you don't want. Just tell her you're moving out of the area soon, so you can't buy it.
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Old 10-17-2018, 09:25 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,560 posts, read 17,535,380 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
E-Bay. There are folks who will even photgoraph and market the stuff on E-Bay for you, for a percentage or flat fee. Or contact an auction house and have them auction it off for you.
I'm not sure a lot of her stuff would even be worth eBaying. My grandfather had dozens of VHS movies. I took all of that to an electronics recycling. They didn't have a working VCR. We had to pay $50 to recycle two nonworking tube TVs. Explaining to my grandmother the fact that it costs money to dispose of something like that was not enjoyable. There are a ton of old 45 and 78 rpm records that might be worth looking into getting rid of. I already have the coin collection and some other items of my grandfather's. I won't be selling those as they don't take up much space and are sentimental.

I eBayed quite a bit of stuff earlier in the year. I hadn't used it in years. Between the higher fees than I remember, 3% Paypal cut, and shipping costs, I actually lost money on a couple of things. I can't imagine eBaying some of this stuff would even be worth the time or effort.

She was talking about giving away the downstairs couch. It's over thirty years old and the fabric has been torn to pieces in places by cats. That kind of thing just needs to be disposed of. No one will want to 20-30 year old furniture.

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
^^^That^^^ Why would you buy a home in a city you're trying to leave soon? That is your way out of buying it. What NoMoreSnow said rings true...If someone in the family buys it, she probably thinks she'll still have access to the home and her stuff, she just won't have to pay for it anymore. The fact that she doesn't want to sell it to someone other than family seems to reinforce that idea.

At any rate, you can't be made to buy something you don't want. Just tell her you're moving out of the area soon, so you can't buy it.
The house has been paid off for years. The property taxes are about $700 annually. It might need to be mowed a couple more times this year, then that expense goes to spring. The heat can be set to kick on at 50-55 with no one living there. Maintenance costs over the winter should be minimal.

The fact that I want to move doesn't seem to register with her. My employer is undergoing constant change. We can be told one thing Monday, then there be a completely different plan by end of week. My job isn't exactly stable here. My aunt is stuck here, and took a 40% paycut last year when her career job vaporized.
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Old 10-17-2018, 01:44 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
4,933 posts, read 2,274,474 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
If anyone in your family is interested in genealogy, give the photos and clippings to them. Some people would love to have photos of the ancestors. The wedding guest book could help in constructing a family tree.
Yes, yes! My cousin just literally published a book from 140+ years of photographs, old newspapers & correspondence that details members of our family all the way up to the present & I look at this stuff at least once a day.
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Old 10-17-2018, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
37,094 posts, read 45,604,555 times
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For now, if grandma has her marbles, everyone should just state their opinion, one time, and then butt out.
At some point, things will happen. She will die or will no longer be able to go back and forth, or may develope dementia....or, her knee will heal, and she’ll go back full time. As a grandmother myself, dont treat me like a child.
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Old 10-17-2018, 03:29 PM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,186 posts, read 1,340,059 times
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Vinyl records are selling at flea markets and antique stores. I just bought a pile of LPs for $2 and $3 each. No scratches. They sound great!

Find an antique or flea market vendor to sell the records to.
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