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Old 10-28-2018, 10:21 AM
1,208 posts, read 360,943 times
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Schedule your vacation just like you would have in your working years. Make lists. Accomplish a certain amount everyday, then call the rest of the day free time. You didn't say how old you are or if your husband is retired as well, but don't keep putting off trips and fun activities because one never knows how long one will be physically able to do many things. Many people end up dealing with unexpected illnesses, whether their own or a loved one, so don't skip on the fun.
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Old 10-28-2018, 11:06 AM
6,845 posts, read 3,882,320 times
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When I cleared out my Dad's "stuff", I just quickly and ruthlessly threw most of it out or gave it to Goodwill. I told family members they had to pick up any antique they wanted by a certain date, or it would be gone (they weren't helping me at all). The worst thing you can do is worry about doing everything perfectly and/or getting the most you can for anything you sell. Just get it done with the goal being regaining YOUR life, not making your mom's mess right.
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Old 10-28-2018, 01:20 PM
Location: SW US
2,224 posts, read 2,041,183 times
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Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post

The thing about paying too much attention to each item, in my opinion, is that you will be dead in the future (some in the near future), and possessions and items are meaningless when one is dead.

And may be meaningless even when one is not yet dead. LOL
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Old 10-28-2018, 04:26 PM
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We took what seemed important to save (which is becoming less important as time goes by.) Then we called a second-hand store to take what was left. They sent us a percentage of whatever they sold. Or at least they said they did.

I still have "papers to sort." It's not an option to just toss them. I know there will be messages for me and my dad's correspondence from WWII. As it's quite emotional for me I do a little at a time.

I have left a lot of my memories on paper. Hope my kids don't toss them without any interest. There's much to be learned about how you got to be who you are!
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Old 10-28-2018, 04:59 PM
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Just like we were not interested in our parents stuff, our kids will not be interested in our stuff. As you can see above, most of it goes to the consignment store or the dump. Most will take the money left and be happy. Old papers and memorabilia will probably not be interesting to busy working people. Sad but true.
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Old 10-29-2018, 12:43 AM
Location: Australia
920 posts, read 337,319 times
Reputation: 1681
My mother had an operation about two months after my daughter, her husband and toddler returned to Australia after living overseas for years. We had already agreed for them to stay with us for the first five months while they found new jobs, organised themselves etc. We had also agreed that we would mind their child two days a week. This is very common here because of the combination of very expensive house prices along with very expensive childcare.

What we had not factored in was my mother going into a mental and physical decline after her operation which resulted in her having 20 weeks in hospital that first year and then having to be admitted to a nursing home. I do have a brother who helped with all the cleaning out and so on. But yes, it was terribly hard sometimes being caught between the needs of my mother and my wish to help with the grandchildren. I was determined not to allow my mother's needs stop me from grandparenting as I know how quickly the kids' young years pass.

I had to give up some of the things I enjoyed doing but I simply had to learn to say no at other times. Visits to my mother had to be limited, our kids learnt to work around our holidays, my brother and I worked on the assumption that we should not both be overseas at the same time.

I haven't suffered too much from resentment about other people being more free as almost all our close friends have been in the same situation of having, at least for a while, parents in their eighties and nineties as well as grandkids.

Having said that, my mother finally died in August and next year I will just be doing before and after school pickups with the grandkids once or twice a week. I really feel that I am starting to get my life back.

I also keep in mind that in many cultures, and especially in poorer countries, the grandparents are expected to do a lot more childminding than we are. Also there is an expectation to look after the elderly at home to a greater extent. So I think things could have been worse.
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Old 10-29-2018, 06:50 AM
Location: Loudon, TN
5,807 posts, read 4,857,183 times
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Originally Posted by Nausikaa View Post
Just like we were not interested in our parents stuff, our kids will not be interested in our stuff. As you can see above, most of it goes to the consignment store or the dump. Most will take the money left and be happy. Old papers and memorabilia will probably not be interesting to busy working people. Sad but true.
I think it's important for parents to give what they consider to be important papers, memoirs, war histories, etc to their children while the parent is still alive. And not expect them to hunt for something that they don't even know exists among the volume of random paperwork after the parent ends up dead or in a nursing home. They should also sort photos and put them in context, or have them transferred to a CD, or other modern format, and labeled. We ended up with multiple boxes of photos from MIL and FIL's world travels and years living in far away places. We have no idea who the people in them are, or where they were taken. Without context, they might as well belong to a total stranger, but we feel too guilty to throw them out without trying to spend days pouring over them to see if any are "important". So they sit in our basement.
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Old 10-29-2018, 06:53 AM
Location: Central New Jersey
2,434 posts, read 923,255 times
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Retired at 46. Have no problem juggling life now that I have nothing but time on my hands. But most importantly the most of my time I dedicate to myself and doing things I enjoy. You only live once and need to look out at priority #1 first and foremost, which is YOU
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Old 10-29-2018, 10:10 AM
605 posts, read 189,703 times
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Originally Posted by ItsABeautifulMorning View Post
Hi, I'm new to the forum.

I'm sure I'm not the only one in this situation--I'm no longer working for money, but I have some responsibilities that add up to the equivalent of an unpaid part-time job. I don't know what to call myself but "retired," but that has the sound of being much freer than my husband and I really are.

In my case, my mom has been in Assisted Living for a year and a half, but I'm still working on clearing out her house and organizing her paperwork. It was a near-hoard situation. I know other "retired" people are involved in hands-on elder care, or raising grandchildren, and there are probably lots of other situations I can't even imagine.

I guess what I'm wondering is, how do you keep your spirits up, especially when you see other retirees traveling and so forth? When you have goals of your own that seem to keep getting pushed farther and farther away in the future?

And how do you manage your time? Since I am never "on the clock" anymore, I never really feel like I'm "off the clock" either. I spend time online, reading, etc., but it's hard to do it guilt-free. I always feel I should be sorting papers or something.

Any tips would be appreciated!
Make friends with others in your same boat. Those who are still working part-time, caring for a relative like you, or otherwise have other responsibiiities which keep them from full retirement. Since I cannot ever fully retire, or at least in my mind, I relate. Yet my personality means if I retired, I'd go down the tubes without the structure of a p/t job and we will likely be able to use the $$ anyhow. Volunteering is too easy to get out of, though I'll do some of that too. What I do is keep in shape via cycling. Eat right, overall but not as good as I should. If you do these two things, you will feel much better about life. IMHO much better than most of those around you who are retired. Exercise and healthy, organic whole food is the secret to happiness along with a relationship with your heavenly father.

Your mother is blessed to have you. Be proud of all you do. Not boastful but proud. I am very proud of you! I hope I can do what oyu are doing when the time comes. My mom and I are estranged. hang in there, it can be much better than this.
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Old 11-06-2018, 11:58 AM
2 posts, read 950 times
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Thanks for all of your thoughful comments, and my apologies for not getting back here to post again sooner. It's been a busy week.

My husband and I are in our early 60s and we're both retired. I'm an only child, and we don't have any children. This is the fourth parental house we've worked on clearing out, and it's getting old! At least with my in-laws' houses, there were other siblings work at it, too.

I think what really set me off recently was watching Michael Moore's movie, Where To Invade Next. There was a young couple in Italy who take several wonderful trips a year because they get so much vacation time at their jobs. It occurred to me that my husband and I are supposedly retired and still can't seem to manage to get away.

We're almost ready to have a service come in to take some things for auction, and dispose of some other items that are too large for my husband and I to deal with. After the house is empty and up for sale, maybe I'll start to feel that I'm getting my life back.

Oh, and I do get out for an exercise class once a week, and a TOPS weight loss meeting.
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