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Old 10-29-2018, 11:01 PM
 
1,546 posts, read 399,556 times
Reputation: 2887

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Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
I think every couple needs an "enforcer." Somebody who's willing to be the bad guy and put their foot down when dealing with people who try to get away with whatever they can.

In our marriage, it's me. I don't mind. I'm not afraid they won't like me. I told my own family to go pound sand. They know what will happen if they come to me for money.
You don't even have to be the bad guy or lecture them. Just ignore it and show no interest. They will find somebody else or figure it out themselves.
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Old 10-29-2018, 11:04 PM
 
1,546 posts, read 399,556 times
Reputation: 2887
Quote:
Originally Posted by Petunia 100 View Post
Did you or your wife tell him exactly how you found the event? Helping him learn might pay dividends.
Why listen to that, when they know next time to just contact the OP and wife.
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Old 10-30-2018, 03:49 AM
 
Location: R.I.
970 posts, read 603,310 times
Reputation: 4170
Quote:
Originally Posted by MI-Roger View Post
My wife is talking about delaying our planned 2020 retirements. She gives the reason as we don't yet have firm plans in place to consume our time after retirement, plus the ubiquitous big unknown if we truly have enough saved for any future situation in retirement.


I feel her real worry is that she fears all of our planned time for ourselves in retirement will be consumed by her dead-beat siblings. Dead-beat is probably not the proper term as some are financially self supporting but none of them seem able to do anything for themselves. For example, late Saturday afternoon she received a call from her youngest brother asking if there were any Halloween activities that evening for his toddler daughter in the city where they live - TWO HOURS AWAY FROM US! I immediately did a web search on my smart phone and told her of one 'Trunk Or Treat' activity that was close to my B-I-L's house and not yet started. He owns a smart phone and could have performed the same search in about the same time it required to call my wife.


He called back two hours later thanking us, saying how great it was, and wondering how we knew of it. Just use your own smart phone!


I keep telling her to not answer her cell phone when they call, but with her mother having just turned 80 and in poor health there is an always present fear any call may be about her Mom's passing or another hospitalization.


She assures me that after her Mom's passing our involvement with her siblings will significantly decrease, and there are definite signs she will be firm in that resolve. She refused an invitation to a quickly planned family dinner yesterday because it would have required 5 hours of drive time for us, plus all of the expected labor for us to do set-up, clean-up, and other tasks. Can you drive 5 hours to clean the house and then do the dishes, while the other four siblings watch TV?


Just venting a little. I already know the answer to this problem. Have others faced it too?



"When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or
accept it. All else is madness." Eckhart Tolle
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Old 10-30-2018, 07:05 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,556 posts, read 17,535,380 times
Reputation: 27596
I'm an only child. It's kind of a mixed bag.

I won't have any help once my parents get to where they can't really care for themselves. They have no plans of ever moving from this part of Tennessee. I have no plans of being in this area for more than another year or two. We'll probably come to an impasse on this someday.

The flip side of that is I don't have this kind of drama.
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Old 10-30-2018, 07:28 AM
 
8,821 posts, read 5,121,165 times
Reputation: 10086
Quote:
Originally Posted by rummage View Post
Why listen to that, when they know next time to just contact the OP and wife.
Then next time you say "Hey, remember the time we used Google to find the info you wanted? Yeah? Well, this is another job for Google."
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Old 10-30-2018, 07:36 AM
 
Location: Central New Jersey
2,384 posts, read 908,448 times
Reputation: 4219
If I were OP, I'd keep my planned retirement date and plan to move further away from the mooch.
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Old 10-30-2018, 10:24 AM
 
2,866 posts, read 5,027,665 times
Reputation: 6778
The problem is not the siblings. The problem is your wife.
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Old 10-30-2018, 10:48 AM
 
Location: 5,400 feet
2,617 posts, read 2,573,574 times
Reputation: 3652
We found that moving 1,500 miles away after retirement solved many of those problems.
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Old 10-30-2018, 11:19 AM
 
25,972 posts, read 32,970,649 times
Reputation: 32158
Quote:
Originally Posted by MI-Roger View Post
My wife is talking about delaying our planned 2020 retirements. She gives the reason as we don't yet have firm plans in place to consume our time after retirement, plus the ubiquitous big unknown if we truly have enough saved for any future situation in retirement.


I feel her real worry is that she fears all of our planned time for ourselves in retirement will be consumed by her dead-beat siblings. Dead-beat is probably not the proper term as some are financially self supporting but none of them seem able to do anything for themselves. For example, late Saturday afternoon she received a call from her youngest brother asking if there were any Halloween activities that evening for his toddler daughter in the city where they live - TWO HOURS AWAY FROM US! I immediately did a web search on my smart phone and told her of one 'Trunk Or Treat' activity that was close to my B-I-L's house and not yet started. He owns a smart phone and could have performed the same search in about the same time it required to call my wife.


He called back two hours later thanking us, saying how great it was, and wondering how we knew of it. Just use your own smart phone!


I keep telling her to not answer her cell phone when they call, but with her mother having just turned 80 and in poor health there is an always present fear any call may be about her Mom's passing or another hospitalization.


She assures me that after her Mom's passing our involvement with her siblings will significantly decrease, and there are definite signs she will be firm in that resolve. She refused an invitation to a quickly planned family dinner yesterday because it would have required 5 hours of drive time for us, plus all of the expected labor for us to do set-up, clean-up, and other tasks. Can you drive 5 hours to clean the house and then do the dishes, while the other four siblings watch TV?


Just venting a little. I already know the answer to this problem. Have others faced it too?

Use their smart phone?, How about just use the freaking Internet. Your wife needs to tell him to learn how to use Google. End of story.
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Old 10-30-2018, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Texas of course
563 posts, read 265,846 times
Reputation: 2897
Retirement plans affected by dead-beat siblings?

My brother used our mother...horribly when she was alive. I watched her return to work when she wasn't able because my brother wanted money. He would spend everything she had each month and then he would even steal from her home and sell her things. I tried to stop it from happening numerous times but she defended him, allowing it to happen.
At one point I threatened to turn him in for his drugs and treatment of her but she said if I did that it would kill her and she'd never forgive me.

She actually called me a few times needing money for groceries because he took all her money for the month. I never gave her money but I did buy food and take to her. Then she started asking me to pay for her gas, power bill, water bill, car insurance, home owners insurance etc.... It actually ended when we moved 1000 miles away. Needless to say it would have wiped us out in time. She turned to my half sister after that but she put her foot down and refused to give her a dime. Apparently without anyone to pay her bills she figured out how to keep the money from her son to get the bills paid.

I was willing to try to get help for my brother but he refused and I had to stop allowing him to come to my home. He had started stealing from me and buying his drugs and I flat out wouldn't tolerate it. He even took a credit card! I begged him to go to rehab but again he refused. He went to our half sister and it only took one visit to her home for her to throw him out. He would call me from time to time begging for money but I always refused. To this day it hurts knowing how he threw his life away, he was extremely intelligent before his brain was fried. If I had allowed him to stay in my life, it would have changed our lives tremendously.
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