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Old 10-29-2018, 09:44 AM
 
Location: Ypsilanti, MI
2,450 posts, read 3,668,587 times
Reputation: 4830

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My wife is talking about delaying our planned 2020 retirements. She gives the reason as we don't yet have firm plans in place to consume our time after retirement, plus the ubiquitous big unknown if we truly have enough saved for any future situation in retirement.


I feel her real worry is that she fears all of our planned time for ourselves in retirement will be consumed by her dead-beat siblings. Dead-beat is probably not the proper term as some are financially self supporting but none of them seem able to do anything for themselves. For example, late Saturday afternoon she received a call from her youngest brother asking if there were any Halloween activities that evening for his toddler daughter in the city where they live - TWO HOURS AWAY FROM US! I immediately did a web search on my smart phone and told her of one 'Trunk Or Treat' activity that was close to my B-I-L's house and not yet started. He owns a smart phone and could have performed the same search in about the same time it required to call my wife.


He called back two hours later thanking us, saying how great it was, and wondering how we knew of it. Just use your own smart phone!


I keep telling her to not answer her cell phone when they call, but with her mother having just turned 80 and in poor health there is an always present fear any call may be about her Mom's passing or another hospitalization.


She assures me that after her Mom's passing our involvement with her siblings will significantly decrease, and there are definite signs she will be firm in that resolve. She refused an invitation to a quickly planned family dinner yesterday because it would have required 5 hours of drive time for us, plus all of the expected labor for us to do set-up, clean-up, and other tasks. Can you drive 5 hours to clean the house and then do the dishes, while the other four siblings watch TV?


Just venting a little. I already know the answer to this problem. Have others faced it too?
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Old 10-29-2018, 10:00 AM
 
4,718 posts, read 10,322,159 times
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Maybe her BIL wanted to come visit you guys?

I get it that you dont like them, but keep in mind they are her family!
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Old 10-29-2018, 10:35 AM
 
Location: Florida -
8,767 posts, read 10,851,233 times
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Unclear what dependent siblings have to do with one's retirement date or with one's concerns about having enough saved for retirement?

Did you just want to rant about them on the retirement forum?
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Old 10-29-2018, 10:43 AM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,508 posts, read 62,217,072 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MI-Roger View Post
I feel her real worry is ... her dead-beat siblings.
Move. Don't leave a forwarding address.
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Old 10-29-2018, 10:55 AM
 
6,323 posts, read 5,064,142 times
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Are you the one that goes over there and does house and yardwork for them?

Is it time to go your own way and let the wife handle her family by herself? Be freeeee!!!!!
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Old 10-29-2018, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Albuquerque NM
1,661 posts, read 1,527,824 times
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Not to be rude but the problem seems to be your wife, not your in-laws. You are capable of saying no but she is not. I have no advice - maybe some of the married folks can chime in. But it sounds like you have made some progress in convincing her to be more assertive.

My older brother and I also have some issues with a few siblings who need financial help from time to time or may so in the future. It gives my SIL fits but her family is a similar mess. I figure these people are in my will and will get my money eventually.
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Old 10-29-2018, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,693 posts, read 4,725,286 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MI-Roger View Post
I feel her real worry is that she fears all of our planned time for ourselves in retirement will be consumed by her dead-beat siblings.

Isn't that what they do now, try to get you to do things they could easily do themselves?
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Old 10-29-2018, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,693 posts, read 4,725,286 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ABQ2015 View Post
Not to be rude but the problem seems to be your wife, not your in-laws. You are capable of saying no but she is not. I have no advice - maybe some of the married folks can chime in. But it sounds like you have made some progress in convincing her to be more assertive.
I think every couple needs an "enforcer." Somebody who's willing to be the bad guy and put their foot down when dealing with people who try to get away with whatever they can.

In our marriage, it's me. I don't mind. I'm not afraid they won't like me. I told my own family to go pound sand. They know what will happen if they come to me for money.
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Old 10-29-2018, 11:27 AM
 
2,249 posts, read 1,108,042 times
Reputation: 9158
Quote:
Originally Posted by MI-Roger View Post
My wife is talking about delaying our planned 2020 retirements. She gives the reason as we don't yet have firm plans in place to consume our time after retirement, plus the ubiquitous big unknown if we truly have enough saved for any future situation in retirement.

Just venting a little. I already know the answer to this problem. Have others faced it too?
No, I haven't faced such a problem. My siblings are grownups who don't call me with every little problem, and if they were to invite me to some long distance event, I'd simply say thanks, but no thanks. I can't imagine delaying retirement because of family problems like these.

As for having no firm plans in place to consume your time after retirement, just go ahead and retire and enjoy your life before you die, make plans the day before you do it, or make no plans at all, just wing it, be spontaneous--once you retire, you can do whatever you want, whenever you want.

As for the big unknown if you truly have enough saved, that's just math and planning, you should be able to figure that out by 2020.
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Old 10-29-2018, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Ypsilanti, MI
2,450 posts, read 3,668,587 times
Reputation: 4830
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
Isn't that what they do now, try to get you to do things they could easily do themselves?

Yes!


Reminds me of being in Second Grade again, when the kid next to you asks "What is 7 + 5?" Initially it is easier to quickly say 12, than to tell them to learn their math facts so they can do their own simple addition. Eventually the answer changes to "do it yourself", which is what is beginning to happen now.


Six decades of being the big sister, almost the only active parent, to the lot of four younger siblings is difficult to unravel, and I understand that. I am also very glad to see the unraveling start to occur!


And yes, this was more of a rant than seeking advice.
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