Poor senior citizens. (teach, single parent, child, mom)
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A multigenerational family does not require a large number of children. The point I was making is just as valid if the family has only one or two. This thread is about retirees who are ‘poor’ and often alone, despite the fact that they have both children and grandchildren. In every other culture on Earth this is considered morally reprehensible, and the disintegration of the family in N. America is no less so.
Shabbat Shalom,
Mahrie.
You need to go back and look at your post. You ranted and raved about women who stayed at home and cranked out large numbers of kids. You said these women desired to be honored and extolled.
You are totally out of touch. I have 2 daughters. Neither would want to stay at home and raise endless numbers of kids. Both have valuable careers. One does child protective services. The other does consulting for architects on acoustics and AV engineering. Neither would want to sit at home, cooking, cleaning and raising kids. I had a mother who tried that. It was the typical 50s failure with a capable women sitting at home unhappy, unfulfilled and doing little but OCD housework. Thankfully we, well most of us, have past those days.
In fact when my older daughter had kids, it was the husband who helped at home. Many women are out in political and corporate life running the world. It no longer takes all day to make meals or clean the house. Many women want a lot, lot more.
As to the multigen approach, I think my wife and I have taken a positive step. We share a house with my older daughter and her family. We have separate living accommodations so we largely live apart. My daughter and family are free to pursue their lives. We support each other without interfering or becoming a nuisance. When we get older and that fails to work, we will find alternative arrangements. I suspect that will be death or the slow decline of a CCRC.
At a certain point we need to look at our lives as older people. If we are suffering with illness, are not productive, are not achieving or accomplishing anything of value........ The end.
Okay, big whoop. You were one of the kids who decided to get into the drugs/hippy culture who had rich families. I knew them. I went to school with them at a private school. But, my dad worked two jobs so I could go to that school. I was the low income kid.
My folks couldn't afford to send us all to college, so the boy of the family got to go. I had to work and go to school, if I wanted to go, and of course, married young and had a kid, etc., etc., etc.
So, just because you embraced the hippy/drug culture, has nothing to do with you not being blessed with an easier life
It also does not give you any kind of right to feel superior to anyone who hasn't been blessed with your good financial fortune.
It just irks me to no end how people like you tend to criticize anyone who has not had your good fortune, as being somehow lazier or dumber than you.
You couldn’t be more wrong . Your post is nonsense and if you don’t like what I post don’t read it . For the record I grew up in a New York City housing project because we could barely rub 2 nickles together . You wouldn’t want my life in the projects .
My life has been devoted to never going back or raising my own family in one . I made sure I was successful enough to never look back no matter what it took.
I also was never ever in to drugs or drinking for that better .
You know nothing about my life so save your demeaning comments because what you said about my life , pertaining to you know my type and I came from rich parents and a life of drugs could not be more ludicrous.
For the record my mother had undiagnosed rheumatic fever as a kid and had an enlarged heart .she had a near fatal heart attack giving birth to my sister which severely damaged her heart . The medical bills were crushing for the rest of her life so it consumed most of my dads income . We were forced to live in a New York City housing project because we had no choice ,there was just to little in income to go anywhere else and my dad already worked two jobs .
She died at age 55.
Raising my own family being poor was never going to be an option no matter what I had to do and that motivated me all my life.
This is hardly the life you painted for me in your nonsensical mind.
Last edited by mathjak107; 11-11-2018 at 03:48 AM..
My parents didn't pay a dime for my college. I also saw plenty of single moms who were on their own and put themselves through college. Some people find a way to make it happen, the rest come up with excuses.
Don’t bother wasting your time commenting on that fact . No more snow is just shooting at people from the hip with their off base comments about the success of others.
They have shown us their true personality, that is one poster who now goes on ignore rather than state what I now really want to say
Last edited by mathjak107; 11-11-2018 at 02:40 AM..
I don't see why anyone would consider children raising themselves so that their single mother can put herself through college and then embark on a full-time career to be optimal. Or, be raised by strangers in daycare, until they are old enough to supervise themselves - which is a joke.
The 50s mother was hardly a failure. Our society is a failure, when even middle class kids growing up with no structure, don't know how to act, and find themselves pregnant or in trouble with the law because no one has had an eye on them.
The 50s child knew how to act, in most cases regardless of that child's socio-economic status. The 50s child did not need to be drugged to be kept in line and sociable, or simply be able to sit quietly in school or other public venue.
The 50s child ate well, and could not do anything until they did their homework because someone was there when they got home from school making sure they did their homework.
Its not fair to any child, or any woman, to think you can simultaneously raise a family alone, go to college, and work full time, and no one will suffer for that choice. Everyone is suffering whether anyone wants to admit that fact or not.
I don't see why anyone would consider children raising themselves so that their single mother can put herself through college and then embark on a full-time career to be optimal. Or, be raised by strangers in daycare, until they are old enough to supervise themselves - which is a joke.
The 50s mother was hardly a failure. Our society is a failure, when even middle class kids growing up with no structure, don't know how to act, and find themselves pregnant or in trouble with the law because no one has had an eye on them.
The 50s child knew how to act, in most cases regardless of that child's socio-economic status. The 50s child did not need to be drugged to be kept in line and sociable, or simply be able to sit quietly in school or other public venue.
The 50s child ate well, and could not do anything until they did their homework because someone was their when they got home from school making sure they did their homework.
Its not fair to any child, or any woman, to think you can simultaneously raise a family alone, go to college, and work full time, and no one will suffer for that choice. Everyone is suffering whether anyone wants to admit that fact or not.
I am grateful I had a stay at home mom. Not financially feasible nowadays though.
I don't see why anyone would consider children raising themselves so that their single mother can put herself through college and then embark on a full-time career to be optimal. Or, be raised by strangers in daycare, until they are old enough to supervise themselves - which is a joke.
The 50s mother was hardly a failure. Our society is a failure, when even middle class kids growing up with no structure, don't know how to act, and find themselves pregnant or in trouble with the law because no one has had an eye on them.
<snip>It's not fair to any child, or any woman, to think you can simultaneously raise a family alone, go to college, and work full time, and no one will suffer for that choice. Everyone is suffering whether anyone wants to admit that fact or not.
I was raised by a 50s mother and my DIL is staying home with her kids and plans to home-school them. I went back to work when DS was 6 weeks old. The 50s model works really well until Dad falls in lust with his secretary, Dad develops a disabling illness, Dad dies prematurely, Dad loses his job and can't find another one... you can protect against some, but not all of those things. None happened with my parents, thank God, and I hope none happen with DS and DDIL. In my own first marriage, my husband was unemployed the last 5 years and was drunk, verbally abusive and threatened physical abuse. If I hadn't gotten DS out of there he would have dragged us down with him. Alimony and child support were out of the question. He was a deadbeat.
I lived in Bergen County, NJ in a pricey area where I was the only single mother in town. The Dads mostly worked in NYC and never saw their kids awake during the week because of commutes that were 2+ hours one way. Ummm.... who's suffering there?
I know I shouldn't let myself get sucked into these arguments about SAHM vs. careers outside the home but it's a hot button for me. I see no need to paint either side as dysfunctional.
I was raised by a 50s mother and my DIL is staying home with her kids and plans to home-school them. I went back to work when DS was 6 weeks old. The 50s model works really well until Dad falls in lust with his secretary, Dad develops a disabling illness, Dad dies prematurely, Dad loses his job and can't find another one... you can protect against some, but not all of those things. None happened with my parents, thank God, and I hope none happen with DS and DDIL. In my own first marriage, my husband was unemployed the last 5 years and was drunk, verbally abusive and threatened physical abuse. If I hadn't gotten DS out of there he would have dragged us down with him. Alimony and child support were out of the question. He was a deadbeat.
I lived in Bergen County, NJ in a pricey area where I was the only single mother in town. The Dads mostly worked in NYC and never saw their kids awake during the week because of commutes that were 2+ hours one way. Ummm.... who's suffering there?
I know I shouldn't let myself get sucked into these arguments about SAHM vs. careers outside the home but it's a hot button for me. I see no need to paint either side as dysfunctional.
People obviously see what they want to see, and don't understand their own privileged lives apparently.
Well, as a child that was raised by a single mother, who was not from a pricey section of anywhere, I do see a need to point out dysfunction, especially when none is being admitted to, and in some cases even the single mother lifestyle is being touted as no big deal. To the kids, its a big deal, whether they want to say it is or not. Maybe they just don't know any better, so it was always good enough. I did have a father, who was married to my mother, and they were legally divorced by the time I was 9 months old. Due to interference from my mothers side of the family, I was not allowed to know my father until my husband took me to meet him when I was 20 years old. I have a relationship with my father from that time on. I have had no relationship with my mother's family from the age 18 when I could simply and legally walk away from them.
I can give you more dysfunction than already stated (as if drugging kids because they don't know how to act wouldn't be enough, right?) - like how we kids raised without a man don't know how to deal with the opposite sex, because except in the fantasy land that is what we see in the media, we have never seen it. A male child doesn't learn how to act, and the female child doesn't learn how to deal with a man. Male or female, we get to learn the male role in life the hard way because we were not allowed to grow up witnessing it first hand.
None of this is to say that single mothers are bad people, or that women are never to blame for dysfunction in a family. At best, growing up without a man - is what it is. At worst, we become latch key kids who are left to learn about life on our own, and to fend for ourselves with the possible exception of on weekends, provided our mother doesn't have to work a second job, or attend a class.
There is no element in life that I could not have succumbed to. But for the grace of God go I, and it is by the grace of God that I can leisurely type this today.
Last edited by ComeCloser; 11-11-2018 at 06:59 AM..
I don't see why anyone would consider children raising themselves so that their single mother can put herself through college and then embark on a full-time career to be optimal. Or, be raised by strangers in daycare, until they are old enough to supervise themselves - which is a joke.
The 50s mother was hardly a failure. Our society is a failure, when even middle class kids growing up with no structure, don't know how to act, and find themselves pregnant or in trouble with the law because no one has had an eye on them.
The 50s child knew how to act, in most cases regardless of that child's socio-economic status. The 50s child did not need to be drugged to be kept in line and sociable, or simply be able to sit quietly in school or other public venue.
The 50s child ate well, and could not do anything until they did their homework because someone was there when they got home from school making sure they did their homework.
Its not fair to any child, or any woman, to think you can simultaneously raise a family alone, go to college, and work full time, and no one will suffer for that choice. Everyone is suffering whether anyone wants to admit that fact or not.
Your sexist comments completely ignore the role of men in their families. How are man considering having it all-career, marriage, family, etc? See how that works?
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