U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-23-2018, 05:43 AM
 
Location: S.W. Florida
2,206 posts, read 930,610 times
Reputation: 6228

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Have a question for my fellow retirees

Did y'all ever give up on finding happiness?

I have a couple of female friends that are having relationship issues. Issues that will keep me on the phone with them for hours!

We are almost 60 years old. I myself do not think you need a member of the opposite sex to be happy, but that is their main goal. But then they have had really bad relationships and just hung in there with them for years. My two marriages lasted not even 4 years altogether.

I just wasn't into the theory about making things work blah, blah, blah

Anyway, I don't want them to give up hope either.

So do y'all have any heart warming stories about finding true love after many years?
After two failed marriages I gave up thinking I would ever find “the one” so I quit looking,trying,or even caring about it. I got involved in other things and developed many other interests that took up most of my free time. One day out of the blue an angel walked into my life, and 22 years later we’re still madly in love with each other.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-23-2018, 05:52 AM
 
6,391 posts, read 3,351,236 times
Reputation: 6588
Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
To find happiness, you need to appreciate the little things. The view from your front porch, your health, the great things you get to do in life, giving back to others.

It's really that simple. If you aren't happy with what you have, you'll never be happy.

What's that old saying about the man complaining he has no shoes until he meets the man who has no feet?
Exactly ^^ well-stated.
Happiness comes from a positive attitude, and positivity is cultivated through gratitude.
Experiencing life through a positive and grateful perspective and filter is a skill that can be learned. But it needs a lot of practice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-23-2018, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,769 posts, read 4,827,803 times
Reputation: 19395
Quote:
Originally Posted by katharsis View Post
Just want to comment a little about the above.

My husband and I are in our 60's, and we are very "huggy" with each other ALL the time, not to show off but that is just how we are. (Again, I do realize that we are very fortunate to still be in love with each other after all these years.) No, we don't kiss or "make out" in public, but if we are in a group and are standing next to each other, he will put one arm around my shoulders, and sometimes I will just give him a little squeeze around his waist, and I can't count the number of times that people (both young and old) have told us that we are such great role models, that we prove the fact that long-married people can still adore each other, even after dozens of years of married life.
That's what I think is pretty normal, and sweet, and not what I was talking about.

The OP had said that her friend got upset because her man wasn't paying constant attention to her and being as huggy, kissy as she would have liked. I just had a mental image of those couples who act like there is no one else in the room and have to be sitting on laps, and snuggling, through the whole evening...you just feel like leaving so they can have their privacy. I want to say "get a room!"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-23-2018, 08:24 AM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,049,308 times
Reputation: 12810
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
That's what I think is pretty normal, and sweet, and not what I was talking about.

The OP had said that her friend got upset because her man wasn't paying constant attention to her and being as huggy, kissy as she would have liked. I just had a mental image of those couples who act like there is no one else in the room and have to be sitting on laps, and snuggling, through the whole evening...you just feel like leaving so they can have their privacy. I want to say "get a room!"
yes - and getting mad cuz he would be nice and get up and get us a soda or drink. Doing host type things.

When she told me this - I thought it was very strange that she would focus on something so trivial.

But she did later say that she had been practically supporting him financially for years even though he did have a job. Just never had any money - who knows where he spent it. So you can say this anger was directed at her not getting what she paid for!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-23-2018, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,769 posts, read 4,827,803 times
Reputation: 19395
LOL! If I were her I'd be very interested in where his money was going, and he'd get darn little of mine.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-23-2018, 09:55 AM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,049,308 times
Reputation: 12810
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
LOL! If I were her I'd be very interested in where his money was going, and he'd get darn little of mine.
she is trying to track that down. She's also been leaving him for years.

I did tell her to just forget the whys and wheres - just leave and take it as a lesson learned. But nope. Two hour phone call yesterday. Thank goodness I was just lounging at home
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-23-2018, 01:40 PM
 
2,080 posts, read 706,293 times
Reputation: 5332
It's partly how you're wired and how resilient you are.

Shortly after DH died 2 years ago I joined a Widows/Widowers discussion board. Good people, but some of them were still so mired in grief 4 and 5 years later that they felt they had nothing to live for, no purpose in life, and were just marking time till they left this earth, too. We're all different and some had many had other factors I didn't have- years of intense caregiving, loss after 47 years of marriage, financial worries, health issues of their own, etc. In the last 2 years I've visited Iceland, Greenland, India, Nepal, Panama, Costa Rica, Scotland and France. I love my home, I've got a good life there including a wonderful church community, and two beautiful granddaughters 3 hours away.

So- I'm 65 and very happy. I'm in the early stages of a promising new relationship but I'm determined that I want a man in my life only if he adds to it, and not to fill some void.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-23-2018, 02:39 PM
 
581 posts, read 177,818 times
Reputation: 2167
Quote:
Originally Posted by mountainrose View Post
Exactly ^^ well-stated.
Happiness comes from a positive attitude, and positivity is cultivated through gratitude.
Experiencing life through a positive and grateful perspective and filter is a skill that can be learned. But it needs a lot of practice.
This statement is powerful, and something that needs to be taught in both schools and homes on an almost daily basis, to fill the void that is sadly being lost through our collectively leaving religious teachings behind. Well said.

I wish that I myself would have learned this lesson as a youth, but to paraphrase Will Rogers, I just had to pee on the electric fence myself.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-23-2018, 08:26 PM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,223 posts, read 12,491,644 times
Reputation: 19369
Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post
I'm not sure " finding happiness" and "finding true love" are the same thing.
Yeah, they are just concerned with finding what they want. It sounds like they did that before, did not find happiness, so now they want to do it again. The answer is, "No, they are not going to find happiness."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-23-2018, 08:45 PM
 
628 posts, read 402,804 times
Reputation: 3557
I am fighting a major depression right now [other than that, plus the depressing circumstances, I am quite happy] I am really dreadng when Bobby dies, though I very much hope that he goes before me. I know I will be devastated, but I can not see myself ever wanting a replacement.

I thnk that many women, by nature, are born nurturers. I know that I am. I practice that nurturing with my young Autistic friends, my gardening, my goats, and my chickens. Since I was a young woman [before anyone heard of such a thing] I had determined that when I was old and alone I would be a small dog hoarder[ not cats] I still believe that after Bobby dies, and I have done some of my grieving, I will remember this and rescue 3 or 4 small dogs.

I am not getting much social interaction because of son, Bobby, and working on Autistic community. After Bobby is gone I imagine that I will get more involved in the few village activities I am involved with on an extremely limited basis now.

If I do find a need for an extremely close human relationship, though I do not consider myself gay, it will most likely be with another woman.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top