U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-20-2018, 10:40 AM
 
6,321 posts, read 5,061,406 times
Reputation: 12838

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Piney Creek View Post
Hmmm.... there are a lot of things I can't find these days. I've given up on finding the scotch tape. I've given up on finding a bathing suit that will look good on me. I've given up on finding my sun glasses...

but happiness? Nah.

I find it over and over, whenever some little thing goes right. Whenever I see some unexpected glimpse of beauty. When I hear a song that brings back memories, or smell bread baking.

I've never sought happiness in a spouse, which, ironically, may be one reason my relationship with my spouse has mostly been happy. In fact, never sought happiness in a person of any sort, nor in a job. Which may be why I've been able to be happy even during those times when I was alone and unemployed. Even after a rough divorce I found ways to find happiness in a sunset, in kids playing, in a pet. And I honestly believe, as corny as it may sound, that this may be what attracted jobs and people back into my life.

I'm one of those people who thinks happiness is a decision. Sometimes it can be hard to make that decision, but keep making the decision anyway and in time it's back.
yes - yesterday I was so happy that I got several tasks that I hate completed. I was practically jumping for joy!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-20-2018, 10:42 AM
 
6,321 posts, read 5,061,406 times
Reputation: 12838
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Happiness=true love?

Nope, not for me. Happiness is doing what I like doing most and having the health with which to do it. I don't need a partner for that.

PS

If anyone kept me on the phone for hours with relationship issues, I would ask them to either seek professional help or lose my number. Sorry if that sounds cold, but speaking for myself, I personally don't have that kind of time or credentials to spend that amount of time trying to do fix someone else's life.
I know. I hate talking on the phone. I am a person that likes to text.

But I've known this person all my life. I have the time and with a speaker phone, I can continue doing other things and just let her vent.

I have told her that her other half needs professional help, and will segue into suggesting that she does also.

I think she equates love and happiness with sex.

his lack of interest in that is making her nuts.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2018, 10:43 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,926 posts, read 990,367 times
Reputation: 6960
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Romantic happiness?

I don't know. I love my girlfriend, but I've only been madly in love with one person, ever.


yet


and I hope your current "girlfriend" doesn't read this
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2018, 10:43 AM
 
2,512 posts, read 1,334,741 times
Reputation: 4612
Good luck to them if that's what they want

I couldn't listen to them talk about it for hours though
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2018, 10:48 AM
 
Location: planet earth
4,828 posts, read 1,845,165 times
Reputation: 10745
It is interesting that you equate happiness with having a romantic relationship.

From what I can gather, there are very few truly happy and functional relationships. I think they are very, very rare - when people share the same values, compliment each other's disposition, don't have any glaring personality disorders, etc.

I think the more common scenario is that lots of long-term couples have settled. They either decided money was more important - and are holding on for "security" or they fear being alone.

I have no way of knowing, but would guess truly happy marital relationships might be 10-20% of the population of those in relationship.

To me, true happiness is connecting with yourself and "source" - and then adding whatever would increase happiness to that base happiness.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2018, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Northern panhandle WV
3,007 posts, read 2,173,172 times
Reputation: 6696
What makes people think they are supposed to find happiness? or love for that matter, or that things are supposed to go a certain way in life?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2018, 11:28 AM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,880,277 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
I know. I hate talking on the phone. I am a person that likes to text.

But I've known this person all my life. I have the time and with a speaker phone, I can continue doing other things and just let her vent.

I have told her that her other half needs professional help, and will segue into suggesting that she does also.

I think she equates love and happiness with sex.

his lack of interest in that is making her nuts.
I don't know your friend's situation, but in my own it isn't equating love and happiness with sex. It's more complicated than that.

Here is my warped perspective. There is the raw desire which I am aware is stronger in me than her. No matter how much I try, I will never be completely rational about it because I will always have that. It is almost inevitable for those of us in this kind of imbalanced relationship that if there are any other relationship problems, sex will become a bargaining chip. It did for us; never explicitly, but it did. When it gets to the point that no bargain can be struck, it means that I can offer her nothing that she values that much. That really stings.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2018, 11:39 AM
 
3,945 posts, read 3,264,708 times
Reputation: 11326
I got married at age 65 and have the best relationship ever. After a few years alone (my first wife had died) I wanted that every day kind of love, not just a dating life. Happiness is something we find in the every day sense, not those big moments of celebratory satisfaction, or temporary jubilation, but the every day contentment of those small achievements, the softer side of laughter, or those reflective "I'm so lucky" moments. We all talk about taking time to smell the roses, and we talk about appreciating the little things in life, but do we really take the time to ponder our good fortune and just be happy?

Read through the various forums here to get an idea of the problems caused by an over sized ego, or the argumentative, antagonistic types who seem to be exploding upon the page with all manner of sarcasm, venting their worst selves on the rest of us. Most of these folks seem terribly unhappy, lonely, or socially isolated. All that vitriol can be a bit overwhelming, but it does make the happy/cheerful posters stand out, so, a big thank you to all those happy people posting here.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2018, 11:51 AM
 
8,860 posts, read 5,139,069 times
Reputation: 10144
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Have a question for my fellow retirees

Did y'all ever give up on finding happiness?

I have a couple of female friends that are having relationship issues. Issues that will keep me on the phone with them for hours!

We are almost 60 years old. I myself do not think you need a member of the opposite sex to be happy, but that is their main goal. But then they have had really bad relationships and just hung in there with them for years. My two marriages lasted not even 4 years altogether.

I just wasn't into the theory about making things work blah, blah, blah

Anyway, I don't want them to give up hope either.

So do y'all have any heart warming stories about finding true love after many years?
No one should give up on happiness. I completely agree with you that one does not need to be in a relationship to be happy. However, being in a bad relationship should be avoided. Bad relationships are NOT conducive to happiness.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-20-2018, 11:55 AM
 
1,918 posts, read 2,962,847 times
Reputation: 2494
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Have a question for my fellow retirees

Did y'all ever give up on finding happiness?

I have a couple of female friends that are having relationship issues. Issues that will keep me on the phone with them for hours!

We are almost 60 years old. I myself do not think you need a member of the opposite sex to be happy, but that is their main goal. But then they have had really bad relationships and just hung in there with them for years. My two marriages lasted not even 4 years altogether.

I just wasn't into the theory about making things work blah, blah, blah

Anyway, I don't want them to give up hope either.

So do y'all have any heart warming stories about finding true love after many years?
It's over, they should give up on finding any good men for now. The good ones at their age are already married for years and years, and some of them they probably turned away with their personal issues when they were much younger, so the available pool has shrunk to a mud puddle for them.

Give it another 15-20 years and some of the wives will start dying, and those good men will start getting lonely, and their standards will be a lot lower, and that's when their best chance will be again.

Women who always complain about how bad their past relationships were almost always carry that baggage into new ones, and cause their own demise. That my friends, is the Ugly Truth.

SS
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top