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Old 11-20-2018, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Idaho
1,451 posts, read 1,152,796 times
Reputation: 5472

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post

I have no way of knowing, but would guess truly happy marital relationships might be 10-20% of the population of those in relationship.
My guess is the opposite of yours (~80% vs 10-20%) based on my observation and knowledge of family & friend marriages.

I did a quick search of statistics of happy marriage and found this article on a marriage poll with results much closer to my guess than yours:
https://www.wevorce.com/blog/poll-mo...ges-are-happy/

Quote:
According to results from a GfK Roper poll, people believe a successful marriage will be a happy one. Most people believe that a good marriage is defined as being happy at least 75 percent of the time...
....
The people who responded to the poll seem to find themselves in happy marriages. Most of them, 75 percent, said they are happy at least three-quarters of the time. About 15 percent said they are happy at least half the time. Just 5 percent said they are never happy in their marriages.
I agree with several posters that one should not equate 'finding happiness' with 'finding true love'. I am very lucky to have a stable and happy marriage. However, I don't believe in such things like 'one-and-only true love', 'soul mate' etc. My marriage is a life-long friendship and partnership.

I am happy most of my life both before and during my marriage. I will miss my husband dearly if he departs before me but I am certain that I will still find things in life which make me happy.

Last edited by BellaDL; 11-20-2018 at 12:38 PM..
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Old 11-20-2018, 12:35 PM
 
507 posts, read 302,965 times
Reputation: 2492
Quote:
The people who responded to the poll seem to find themselves in happy marriages. Most of them, 75 percent, said they are happy at least three-quarters of the time. About 15 percent said they are happy at least half the time. Just 5 percent said they are never happy in their marriages.
The bold contains a degree of equivocation.

And to some (many, in my personal observation,) a happy relationship means ANY relationship. They are the kind of people who can't go 5 mins with themselves or who rate themselves against what everybody else is doing. All my friends are married ergo I am no good unless I have someone

And then of course who wants to admit to having a losing relationship? So, they're not happy but stick a mic in their face or a survey in front of them and now they have to rationalize

I cannot really quote any hard stats but it does appear to me that relationships as a way to "get happy" are overrated and there seems to be a cultural imperative or peer pressure to just say you're happy with it if anyone asks. And "happy" often/mostly means "Well, it's OK/not exactly bad.

To me that is not a ringing endorsement and in no way implies I could be happier in one that without one.
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Old 11-20-2018, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,137 posts, read 8,279,007 times
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To find happiness, you need to appreciate the little things. The view from your front porch, your health, the great things you get to do in life, giving back to others.

It's really that simple. If you aren't happy with what you have, you'll never be happy.

What's that old saying about the man complaining he has no shoes until he meets the man who has no feet?
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Old 11-20-2018, 01:06 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,875,565 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blueherons View Post
To find happiness, you need to appreciate the little things. The view from your front porch, your health, the great things you get to do in life, giving back to others.

It's really that simple. If you aren't happy with what you have, you'll never be happy.

What's that old saying about the man complaining he has no shoes until he meets the man who has no feet?
Hardest part about this sort of advice is that choice of pronoun. I can only say what I think was different when I felt happy. I can't make blanket statements about how others might find happiness, unless maybe Tolstoy had it right in two quotes...
If you want to be happy, be.
All happy families resemble one another, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.
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Old 11-20-2018, 01:07 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
3,256 posts, read 2,315,471 times
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If you're 60 or close to it, if you havent found happiness, you probably never will. Most at this age have lost loves and finances, some several times. You'll find out the material things mean absolutely nothing, they can come and go. Its the little things that can make you happy. You just have to find out what they are. You'll only as sad or as vulnerable as you let yourself be.
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Old 11-20-2018, 01:13 PM
 
6,523 posts, read 1,336,586 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arwenmark View Post
What makes people think they are supposed to find happiness? or love for that matter, or that things are supposed to go a certain way in life?
A couple of ideas:

1. Seeing happiness in others (especially if they have loving parents) from a very early age

2. Being told that happiness will come by others, both relatives and friends and also by the media (books, movies, magazines, TV, and now the Internet and social media)

The idea of love and happiness being a possibility for everyone (which, to at least some degree, I think IS true for at least 95% of the population) leads most people in at least First World counties to think that it should come, and if it doesn't come, it follows that many people will feel "cheated".

I am very fortunate that I have found both love and happiness, but I do realize that MANY people are not so fortunate and might never be.

(Btw, I am definitely not "pointing fingers" in any way, as there are some other things in life that aren't fair and that I still feel bitter about -- such as, why do law-abiding and hard-working people sometimes struggle so much in life, are poor and/or have health problems, while others who don't do the "right things" often prosper?)
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Old 11-20-2018, 01:16 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,188 posts, read 6,301,958 times
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I’m in a happy marriage but I would NOT depend on anybody for happiness. Not at age 60.

My SIL divorced her husband when she was 55, hoping to find love with a younger man, but that didn’t work out. She got scammed by a younger man 14 years her junior, lost a lot of money, her lover ended up with somebody 14 years younger. She’s now 70, has not found love yet, nor a FWB either.
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Old 11-20-2018, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,960 posts, read 3,451,255 times
Reputation: 10475
I'm happy when I glance at the beautiful sunsets we have here in Arizona. I will say I was not happy in Minnesota. But, now I am very content with life in general.

I recognized a long time ago that I am not cut out for a relationship and have been single over twenty years. I find my happiness in simple things; reading a good book, viewing sunsets, relaxing after so many years of work.
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Old 11-20-2018, 01:27 PM
 
7,891 posts, read 5,024,944 times
Reputation: 13523
I “gave up on finding happiness” sometime in my teens. Life, in a nutshell, is aptly described by the concluding song in the satirical film, “The Life of Brian”, by the Monty Python group. Nevertheless, there remains considerable value in seeking and maintaining romantic (or other) relationships, for practical and for emotional reasons. We may not be entirely happy, whether with a partner, or alone. But with a partner, many of life’s travails are smoothed and attenuated. There is considerable support for one’s own self, and the satisfaction of supporting and counseling another. None of this is enough to attain happiness, but it just might make the difference between capacity to persevere, vs., well, the alternative.

There have in recent weeks/months/years? been various threads decrying the futility of romantic relationships, whether in our later years, or quite a bit earlier. Committed adherents will not be swayed, but those of doubtful and uncertain mind, may find good cause to reconsider their initial assumptions. There are so many ways to fail, whether alone or with a partner, whether in active search of one, in passive but open acceptance to finding one, or utter abjuring of the whole venture. After all, elite runners can die of heart attacks, while obese chain-smoking couch-potatoes can sometimes reach 100. We never know. This is why it is counterproductive to be doctrinaire.

The best approximation to being happy, is to quit trying to find happiness. But nowise does that imply quitting the quest for a close relationship with another person.
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Old 11-20-2018, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Denver, CO
1,699 posts, read 4,060,618 times
Reputation: 1260
Finding happiness is just as much internal as external.
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