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Old 11-20-2018, 08:08 PM
 
2,575 posts, read 4,695,130 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Do I hate my life? No. Do I like her, love her even? Yes. You can love someone without necessarily wanting to tear their clothes off. She has medical issues that make the physical aspect difficult, but I wouldn't put up with all I do if I didn't care for her. Heaven knows I get nothing out of it.
"put up with," "get nothing out of it"? I don't understand; it sounds like she's a burden to you. I hope you get *something* out of it; otherwise, why be in the relationship?
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Old 11-20-2018, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,634 posts, read 17,615,071 times
Reputation: 27701
Quote:
Originally Posted by ukiyo-e View Post
It's a shame women that age would still think that if only they could find Mr. Right or Prince Charming, then they'd be happy, especially in light of their bad experiences, which should have taught them better.

The goal should be to become a happy person in your own right. Then, if you want, add a relationship that enhances that happiness. But it should not be the basis for it.

And I have several friends who have entered into successful relationships at a more advanced age - fully formed, happy men and women who had something to offer another besides needing security.
My line of thinking is this.

The older I get, the less my self-esteem and sense of self-worth are impacted by external factors. I've been basically who I am since I was 15.

If people don't like me, I'm not apologizing. If I am honestly out of line, I will, but I won't in terms of my daily personality.
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Old 11-21-2018, 04:01 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,685 posts, read 3,254,622 times
Reputation: 12007
What a person thinks is happiness is very unique to them. I don't think it's helpful to downplay what they want in life to make them happy. We are all different.

Someone might think I've given up on it. But I think I've found it and cherish it.

I think we all have to remember where in life we are. If we feel lonely do we really want a 24/7 relationship? Some of the shows on TV can make it look like that. But those shows don't represent reality. Fun to day-dream about maybe, but not to think we'll find it.

I'm a believer in that whatever will be, will be. If I'm meant to have a companion/SO, it'll happen. No amount of planning/wishing will change that.

I've been in enough bad relationships to know I don't want another one.

I also know myself well enough to know I may not be a good candidate for someone else.
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Old 11-21-2018, 04:33 AM
 
Location: R.I.
980 posts, read 607,475 times
Reputation: 4263
Many men and women go through their lives leaving a string failed relationships behind them because they are on the perpetual hunt for or awaiting the arrival of Prince Charming and Cinderella to show up in their lives, and they believe then and only then will they go on to live happy ever after. Unfortunately these folks never realize that the Prince Charmings of this world are looking for happy Cinderellas and not unhappy step-sisters, and the Cinderellas are looking for happy Prince Charmings and not miserable toads.

If one' s past is filled with unhappy step-sisters and miserable toads might be time to cultivate your own happiness if you ever want to have a chance at a better relationship future.
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Old 11-21-2018, 06:23 AM
 
Location: Williamsburg, VA
3,551 posts, read 1,662,101 times
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Don't give up on happiness, give up on thinking about it. "The search for happiness is the chief source of unhappiness," to quote Eric Hoffer.
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Old 11-21-2018, 06:25 AM
 
1,294 posts, read 294,647 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Piney Creek View Post
Hmmm.... there are a lot of things I can't find these days. I've given up on finding the scotch tape. I've given up on finding a bathing suit that will look good on me. I've given up on finding my sun glasses...

but happiness? Nah.

I find it over and over, whenever some little thing goes right. Whenever I see some unexpected glimpse of beauty. When I hear a song that brings back memories, or smell bread baking.

I've never sought happiness in a spouse, which, ironically, may be one reason my relationship with my spouse has mostly been happy. In fact, never sought happiness in a person of any sort, nor in a job. Which may be why I've been able to be happy even during those times when I was alone and unemployed. Even after a rough divorce I found ways to find happiness in a sunset, in kids playing, in a pet. And I honestly believe, as corny as it may sound, that this may be what attracted jobs and people back into my life.

I'm one of those people who thinks happiness is a decision. Sometimes it can be hard to make that decision, but keep making the decision anyway and in time it's back.
Never give up on finding the scotch!

I also think happiness is a choice influenced by our environment. The trick is recognize and acknowledge it in the moments you are experiencing it.
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Old 11-21-2018, 06:32 AM
 
Location: Williamsburg, VA
3,551 posts, read 1,662,101 times
Reputation: 10174
Quote:
Originally Posted by ncguy50 View Post
Never give up on finding the scotch!

I also think happiness is a choice influenced by our environment. The trick is recognize and acknowledge it in the moments you are experiencing it.

I can't rep you again, so I'll have to give you a thumbs up, instead. Love this!
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Old 11-21-2018, 06:44 AM
 
365 posts, read 126,428 times
Reputation: 1440
It never ceases to amaze me that women are still focused on finding a man yet talk the big feminist talk about independence blah blah blah. What a crock.
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Old 11-21-2018, 06:45 AM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,883,191 times
Reputation: 6291
Quote:
Originally Posted by ukiyo-e View Post
"put up with," "get nothing out of it"? I don't understand; it sounds like she's a burden to you. I hope you get *something* out of it; otherwise, why be in the relationship?
This is kind of where my wife and I are. Things were said recently that neither of us are backing down from so the answer to that question may come soon.

Last edited by ReachTheBeach; 11-21-2018 at 07:30 AM..
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Old 11-21-2018, 07:29 AM
 
6,840 posts, read 3,880,228 times
Reputation: 15620
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Happiness=true love?

Nope, not for me. Happiness is doing what I like doing most and having the health with which to do it. I don't need a partner for that.

PS

If anyone kept me on the phone for hours with relationship issues, I would ask them to either seek professional help or lose my number. Sorry if that sounds cold, but speaking for myself, I personally don't have that kind of time or credentials to spend that amount of time trying to do fix someone else's life.

I agree with ALL of this!
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