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Do I hate my life? No. Do I like her, love her even? Yes. You can love someone without necessarily wanting to tear their clothes off. She has medical issues that make the physical aspect difficult, but I wouldn't put up with all I do if I didn't care for her. Heaven knows I get nothing out of it.
"put up with," "get nothing out of it"? I don't understand; it sounds like she's a burden to you. I hope you get *something* out of it; otherwise, why be in the relationship?
It's a shame women that age would still think that if only they could find Mr. Right or Prince Charming, then they'd be happy, especially in light of their bad experiences, which should have taught them better.
The goal should be to become a happy person in your own right. Then, if you want, add a relationship that enhances that happiness. But it should not be the basis for it.
And I have several friends who have entered into successful relationships at a more advanced age - fully formed, happy men and women who had something to offer another besides needing security.
My line of thinking is this.
The older I get, the less my self-esteem and sense of self-worth are impacted by external factors. I've been basically who I am since I was 15.
If people don't like me, I'm not apologizing. If I am honestly out of line, I will, but I won't in terms of my daily personality.
What a person thinks is happiness is very unique to them. I don't think it's helpful to downplay what they want in life to make them happy. We are all different.
Someone might think I've given up on it. But I think I've found it and cherish it.
I think we all have to remember where in life we are. If we feel lonely do we really want a 24/7 relationship? Some of the shows on TV can make it look like that. But those shows don't represent reality. Fun to day-dream about maybe, but not to think we'll find it.
I'm a believer in that whatever will be, will be. If I'm meant to have a companion/SO, it'll happen. No amount of planning/wishing will change that.
I've been in enough bad relationships to know I don't want another one.
I also know myself well enough to know I may not be a good candidate for someone else.
Many men and women go through their lives leaving a string failed relationships behind them because they are on the perpetual hunt for or awaiting the arrival of Prince Charming and Cinderella to show up in their lives, and they believe then and only then will they go on to live happy ever after. Unfortunately these folks never realize that the Prince Charmings of this world are looking for happy Cinderellas and not unhappy step-sisters, and the Cinderellas are looking for happy Prince Charmings and not miserable toads.
If one' s past is filled with unhappy step-sisters and miserable toads might be time to cultivate your own happiness if you ever want to have a chance at a better relationship future.
Hmmm.... there are a lot of things I can't find these days. I've given up on finding the scotch tape. I've given up on finding a bathing suit that will look good on me. I've given up on finding my sun glasses...
but happiness? Nah.
I find it over and over, whenever some little thing goes right. Whenever I see some unexpected glimpse of beauty. When I hear a song that brings back memories, or smell bread baking.
I've never sought happiness in a spouse, which, ironically, may be one reason my relationship with my spouse has mostly been happy. In fact, never sought happiness in a person of any sort, nor in a job. Which may be why I've been able to be happy even during those times when I was alone and unemployed. Even after a rough divorce I found ways to find happiness in a sunset, in kids playing, in a pet. And I honestly believe, as corny as it may sound, that this may be what attracted jobs and people back into my life.
I'm one of those people who thinks happiness is a decision. Sometimes it can be hard to make that decision, but keep making the decision anyway and in time it's back.
Never give up on finding the scotch!
I also think happiness is a choice influenced by our environment. The trick is recognize and acknowledge it in the moments you are experiencing it.
It never ceases to amaze me that women are still focused on finding a man yet talk the big feminist talk about independence blah blah blah. What a crock.
"put up with," "get nothing out of it"? I don't understand; it sounds like she's a burden to you. I hope you get *something* out of it; otherwise, why be in the relationship?
This is kind of where my wife and I are. Things were said recently that neither of us are backing down from so the answer to that question may come soon.
Last edited by ReachTheBeach; 11-21-2018 at 07:30 AM..
Nope, not for me. Happiness is doing what I like doing most and having the health with which to do it. I don't need a partner for that.
PS
If anyone kept me on the phone for hours with relationship issues, I would ask them to either seek professional help or lose my number. Sorry if that sounds cold, but speaking for myself, I personally don't have that kind of time or credentials to spend that amount of time trying to do fix someone else's life.
I agree with ALL of this!
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