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Old 11-21-2018, 08:54 AM
 
6,337 posts, read 5,075,997 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mschrief View Post
It is just not. Lots of issues. I've tried, believe me.
ok - just know that there is always a way out - this is AMERICA!! No need to be tied down to anything or anyone -
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Old 11-21-2018, 09:55 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,807 posts, read 4,854,199 times
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Sometimes one can find happiness and true love later in life, just not with the same person. Only half kidding...

Honestly, I'm a happy person. I love my DH. If I was single, I'd also be happy. I was happy when I was pretty poor, and I'm happy with a bit of money. Happiness is a state of mind completely independent of your relationship status. You can be in a relationship and miserable, or just half-heartedly accepting your role, as others have stated here. But just being in a relationship, any relationship, rather than alone certainly doesn't equate to happiness. It doesn't even guarantee you won't be lonely. Some of the loneliest times I ever experienced were in my first marriage.

I don't think anyone should give up on their pursuit of happiness, nor in their search for a partner if that's what they want. But maybe they need to redefine what happiness means to them, or at least try to be a bit more realistic. It's unrealistic to expect that you are going to find a person, over the age of 50, who is going to meet all the bullet points on your list, and who is looking for someone just like you. Stop trying to make someone, who is an already formed adult human with 50 years + of life experience, fit into a fantasy mold of what you dream your life should be like. Take life as it comes, accept people in their present condition, understand that things change as life goes on, both our bodies, and our expectations. If you can find a PARTNER in life, someone committed to a future together, that's awesome, but don't expect THEM to make YOU happy. Only you can do that.

And I'm speaking to the generic "you", not any poster in particular.
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Old 11-21-2018, 10:09 AM
 
Location: SoCal
13,307 posts, read 6,369,679 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by funisart View Post
You can love someone and not necessarily want to tear their clothes off. But if you are seriously "in love" with someone (in my experience) you would want to feel like tearing their clothes off as often as possible. I don't believe your relationship can possibly last.
That’s what Kelly Clarson said and now she’s going through $180 million divorce. That’s what I’ve read from the tabloids anyway, no guaranteed to be correct.
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Old 11-21-2018, 10:36 AM
 
7,817 posts, read 4,404,011 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post
I'm not sure " finding happiness" and "finding true love" are the same thing.
This. Often, ironically, quite the opposite!
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Old 11-21-2018, 10:55 AM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,884,049 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by funisart View Post
You can love someone and not necessarily want to tear their clothes off. But if you are seriously "in love" with someone (in my experience) you would want to feel like tearing their clothes off as often as possible. I don't believe your relationship can possibly last.
I think it is rare for both people to be truly happy with a substantial difference in level of desire. I think it happens but it's rare. I think there are a large number of couples who believe that their relationship is still providing a happier life than they would have if they end it. It's like the song says - I'm so Miserable Without You That It's Almost Like Having You Around. I am in a state where you can't do clean breaks; you are required a year of he--, aka separation, before you can file for divorce. If you leave without a separation agreement, it can be construed as abandonment and have substantial impact on a divorce settlement. It's almost like you have to divorce twice. I have hung in one for a while; it has to be pretty bad before I figure the likelihood of an overall happier life after taking steps is reasonably high.
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Old 11-21-2018, 11:11 AM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,884,049 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by otterhere View Post
This. Often, ironically, quite the opposite!
In my younger days, I had a couple that were in the "house afire" category. More than lust, but there was substantial lust. But the intensity of the blaze can't last and the expectations were too high and they didn't stand the test of time. The odd thing is that you would think it would be a passionate argument that got out of control, but those were resolved in spectacular fashion. It was in planning a possible life together that we had differences that couldn't be resolved - what sort of place we would live in, where we enjoy going on vacations and how often, social circles that we had some plus one expectations with, etc.
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Old 11-21-2018, 11:47 AM
 
4,451 posts, read 2,624,703 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Happiness=true love?

Nope, not for me. Happiness is doing what I like doing most and having the health with which to do it. I don't need a partner for that.

PS

If anyone kept me on the phone for hours with relationship issues, I would ask them to either seek professional help or lose my number. Sorry if that sounds cold, but speaking for myself, I personally don't have that kind of time or credentials to spend that amount of time trying to do fix someone else's life.

Yeah tell them there's a great show on Oprah Winfrey's OWN network called " Iyanla, fix my life "......
They should go on it.

I dont have time either to deal with others marital issues or relationship issues.

I have to work at making my relationship work, they do to.

ANY relationship, friend, parent/child, marital or intimate NEEDS to be worked on to work.

Why? As long as there are two different opinions and experiences , there will be two who need to work at accepting and adjusting to each others opinions and experiences.

No two people are the same.

Thats what makes the world go round and round.

They need to go to joint counseling, not burden you with their relationship troubles.

Best to you....
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Old 11-21-2018, 12:14 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,692,507 times
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Also regarding the advice giving thing, it's one thing to give opinions on a message board to a stranger but with friends or relatives it's different. Give advice that turns out badly and the advice-giver can become part of the problem. Worse still, the person or relative receiving the advice can turn on them.

The friend will be lost and the relative stops speaking to the well intentioned giver of advice. It isn't worth the risk. I'll lend a shoulder to cry on for a very serious problem of a good friend for a bit but then I will suggest seeking professional help.
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Old 11-21-2018, 12:39 PM
 
6,337 posts, read 5,075,997 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Also regarding the advice giving thing, it's one thing to give opinions on a message board to a stranger but with friends or relatives it's different. Give advice that turns out badly and the advice-giver can become part of the problem. Worse still, the person or relative receiving the advice can turn on them.

The friend will be lost and the relative stops speaking to the well intentioned giver of advice. It isn't worth the risk. I'll lend a shoulder to cry on for a very serious problem of a good friend for a bit but then I will suggest seeking professional help.
yea but then no more hour long phone calls -
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Old 11-21-2018, 12:44 PM
 
5,431 posts, read 3,459,869 times
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I think chances for good pairing diminish drastically and inordinately after one graduates from university and is no longer attending college.

I'm happy. (and not paired) Particularly in retirement.
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