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Old 11-21-2018, 04:34 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,286 posts, read 6,362,704 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by funisart View Post
What I meant and I believe Matisse meant is that it is so much easier to find a suitable mate in college, if you are in college, than out in the world, where there isn’t such a concentration of people your own age group, with similar education and goals. Just shear numbers game. If you look at the Relationship board, there is continual angst about not finding suitable partners.

You found yours at work. You had work in common. That is great. My husband and I would have never met at work. I’m an artist. He is a nuclear physicist. Neither of us care to frequent bars or large parties.

Another thing that helps determine if a couple will stay married is the relationship that their parents modeled for them.

Still for the subject of the OP on not giving up on Happiness— you can’t depend on another person to be happy.
That maybe true years ago. They do frequent hooks up at college now. Out of my kids cohorts who graduated in 2012, I only heard of 1 pair who met and married in college. Plus nowadays, most women don’t get married until average age of 26, not 22.
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Old 11-21-2018, 04:46 PM
 
602 posts, read 183,808 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
I think chances for good pairing diminish drastically and inordinately after one graduates from university and is no longer attending college.
I'm happy. (and not paired) Particularly in retirement.
That may be because many of us don't age all that well, either physically or in personality - I'm guessing that the pool of available members of the opposite sex that one finds attractive goes down as we age, with the emphasis on "available". Plus, modern folk of both sexes are largely a spoiled bunch, and I'm guessing that many of us have unrealistic expectations between what we want and what we can get. It would be interesting if the OP weighed in on her opinion of this - are her friends holding out for Tom Selleck? I've been waiting on Olivia Newton John to show up at my front door for so long, that if she doesn't do it soon, I'm going to cross her off my list.
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Old 11-21-2018, 04:54 PM
 
Location: Asheville NC
1,611 posts, read 1,317,213 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbieHere View Post
That maybe true years ago. They do frequent hooks up at college now. Out of my kids cohorts who graduated in 2012, I only heard of 1 pair who met and married in college. Plus nowadays, most women don’t get married until average age of 26, not 22.
You are right. I’ve been married for 46 years, and I married at 22. Marriage is down. Not sure if this is a good thing. Lots of angry young men. Lots of lonely women. The frequent hookups sound impersonal and sad to me but I’m 68. I love sex, I’m the one who told Serious, that if you are “in love”, you should want to feel like tearing your beloved clothes off as often as possible. LOL, but if you don’t have that chemistry it seems like the relationship is doomed to fail.

My son married at 25. His wife lived two houses down, they went to high school and undergraduate school together. They will have been married for 11 years in January.

Things have changed —not sure if it is for the better, except that women now are more equal, except in pay, than they were in the early 70’s when I got married. There is still a double standard. Men want “untouched flowers” with no baggage. Hard to find now with all the “frequent hookups”. More than half babies are born out of wedlock now. Not a good start in life.
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Old 11-21-2018, 05:12 PM
 
5,431 posts, read 3,458,283 times
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Who marries while still in undergrad college? That's not what I said at all. And who marries necessarily at 22 or 23 or 24? Why distort and contort what I said?

One can meet at 22 or 23 or 24 or 25 at university and marry at 26 or 28.... or meet in graduate school getting a professional degree or further degrees in mid or late 20's and marry at 29 or early 30's.

Why contort and distort what I was saying, as university and graduate school being a fertile ground for meeting a future significant other -certainly not marrying them while still an undergraduate in college nor right after -

Last edited by matisse12; 11-21-2018 at 05:26 PM..
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Old 11-21-2018, 07:27 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,286 posts, read 6,362,704 times
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I didn’t say undergraduate, they married when they graduated but only one couple did that. Nobody married without a degree that I know off. Nobody is distorting your comment. You may meet tons of people in undergraduate and graduate but either you are too busy with school or your life is too busy to have a relationship. For example, one of my nephews is 35 and still single, not dating anybody, although he did date somebody in medical school. That relationship didn’t work out. Things are much more complicated now.

Last edited by NewbieHere; 11-21-2018 at 08:00 PM..
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Old 11-21-2018, 07:50 PM
 
6,334 posts, read 5,072,656 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curly Q. Bobalink View Post
That may be because many of us don't age all that well, either physically or in personality - I'm guessing that the pool of available members of the opposite sex that one finds attractive goes down as we age, with the emphasis on "available". Plus, modern folk of both sexes are largely a spoiled bunch, and I'm guessing that many of us have unrealistic expectations between what we want and what we can get. It would be interesting if the OP weighed in on her opinion of this - are her friends holding out for Tom Selleck? I've been waiting on Olivia Newton John to show up at my front door for so long, that if she doesn't do it soon, I'm going to cross her off my list.
One is holding out for someone that will take care of her and provide her a comfortable life - so I guess a Tom Selleck look alike is not required - as long as he has a Tom Selleck bank account.

The other one wants to be loved and appreciated, but I think that is asking too much cuz what she considers that is weird. For example she got mad cuz her SO was handing us drinks at a gathering we had. He was sort of a co-host, so just performing host duties. I told her that was him just being a nice person - what the heck.

She wants someone to be holding her and kissing on her all the time.
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Old 11-21-2018, 08:00 PM
 
6,334 posts, read 5,072,656 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by funisart View Post
You are right. I’ve been married for 46 years, and I married at 22. Marriage is down. Not sure if this is a good thing. Lots of angry young men. Lots of lonely women. The frequent hookups sound impersonal and sad to me but I’m 68. I love sex, I’m the one who told Serious, that if you are “in love”, you should want to feel like tearing your beloved clothes off as often as possible. LOL, but if you don’t have that chemistry it seems like the relationship is doomed to fail.

My son married at 25. His wife lived two houses down, they went to high school and undergraduate school together. They will have been married for 11 years in January.

Things have changed —not sure if it is for the better, except that women now are more equal, except in pay, than they were in the early 70’s when I got married. There is still a double standard. Men want “untouched flowers” with no baggage. Hard to find now with all the “frequent hookups”. More than half babies are born out of wedlock now. Not a good start in life.
I have a friend who has a 30 year old son. She prays that he will get married soon so she can be a grandmother.

She says he can't find anyone cuz he wants someone that is "un-touched". I had to raise my eyebrow at that comment.

I guess she forgets that he was my gay relative's best friend in high school......
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Old 11-22-2018, 07:27 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,802 posts, read 4,851,439 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
One is holding out for someone that will take care of her and provide her a comfortable life - so I guess a Tom Selleck look alike is not required - as long as he has a Tom Selleck bank account.

The other one wants to be loved and appreciated, but I think that is asking too much cuz what she considers that is weird. For example she got mad cuz her SO was handing us drinks at a gathering we had. He was sort of a co-host, so just performing host duties. I told her that was him just being a nice person - what the heck.

She wants someone to be holding her and kissing on her all the time.
Yep, those unrealistic expectations will keep them single. Probably any guy who dates a woman that wants him for his bank account can figure out that's what she's after. They used to call that a "gold digger".

And expecting one's SO to only interact with them at a gathering is beyond weird. I find huggy-kissy people at parties so annoying. They're together in private all the time, why do they have to be all PDA when others are present? The idea of a gathering is to get to visit with people you don't see all the time, not to show off how affectionate your mate is.

I have one friend who will probably be single forever now. She was divorced in her early 40's, didn't want to date until daughter was 18 (I think that was a good move on her part, but daughter's been over 18 for 5 years now), but now that she's over 60, she doesn't want to date anyone who looks "old". She wants someone who will tolerate her single lady lifestyle (going out with lady friends one or more times per week, going on vacation without him if he can't go), looks like they aren't over 50, must have longish, or quite long, hair, and like heavy metal music....and oh yeah, be attracted to an opinionated 62 year old woman who ALWAYS says what she's thinking, and who wouldn't ever put her wants on a back burner to his. She doesn't do compromise well, so I just don't see her finding her Mr. Wonderful.
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Old 11-22-2018, 07:56 AM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,883,191 times
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IMO all this anecdata about people who are failing to connect for obvious reasons is focusing on a minority and using opinionated conclusions as if they apply to the general population. I do this also, BTW - I am throwing stones from my glass house.
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Old 11-22-2018, 08:07 AM
 
Location: Texas or Cascais, Portugal
3,425 posts, read 3,189,453 times
Reputation: 8299
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piney Creek View Post
Hmmm.... there are a lot of things I can't find these days. I've given up on finding the scotch tape. I've given up on finding a bathing suit that will look good on me. I've given up on finding my sun glasses...

but happiness? Nah.

I find it over and over, whenever some little thing goes right. Whenever I see some unexpected glimpse of beauty. When I hear a song that brings back memories, or smell bread baking.

I've never sought happiness in a spouse, which, ironically, may be one reason my relationship with my spouse has mostly been happy. In fact, never sought happiness in a person of any sort, nor in a job. Which may be why I've been able to be happy even during those times when I was alone and unemployed. Even after a rough divorce I found ways to find happiness in a sunset, in kids playing, in a pet. And I honestly believe, as corny as it may sound, that this may be what attracted jobs and people back into my life.

I'm one of those people who thinks happiness is a decision. Sometimes it can be hard to make that decision, but keep making the decision anyway and in time it's back.
LOVE this post! Thanks for sharing.
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