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Old 11-21-2018, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,960 posts, read 3,451,255 times
Reputation: 10475

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Vicky, So sorry you are going through all this. I know, for myself, last Christmas was terrible for me. It was the first Christmas after my son died and I quit going to the Senior Center because I couldn't stand hearing other people's excitement about seeing their kids. I'm much better this year but that first year of loss, whether it's your child or your mother, is really tough.

Then there's the issue of Bobby. Are there any Alzheimer support groups near you? It's sometimes very helpful to just be able to vent and/or talk with others going through the same thing.

When my son was diagnosed as bipolar I found a group of other parents going through the same thing. It was very helpful, just to be able to talk with others going through the same thing.

I'm glad you were/are able to express your feelings here. It's not the same as one on one but hopefully you will get some ideas on how to cope or at least know we care and are here for you.
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Old 11-21-2018, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
14,364 posts, read 7,911,249 times
Reputation: 53461
Vicky you are going through things that no pill will help. I have a friend who's husband had prostate cancer in his early 40's. It was an aggressive form but he survived that. He developed leukemia and there was talk of a bone marrow transplant. He was in upper management and the sole bread winner when he lost his job. They also had two children in college and a teenager in high school. Their marriage was over a decade ago, but they are codependents now. She doesn't want to work despite the fact that she needs a job with medical insurance. He needs her at home because he now has tumors on the bottom of his feet from the many rounds of chemo. Is she depressed? Of course. Are her depression meds helping her? Nope. It's the situation, not a chemical imbalance. Change the situation, change the mood. How do you do that with situations that can't be changed? Well you can't.

I told my friend to stop staying home and dying alongside her husband. I convinced her to go out and get her feet wet with a part time job. She took my advice and it made her happy to be around different people and interacting with life again. If you can, do something for yourself that makes you happy every day.

I had a glimpse of what depression was like when I broke my arm and shattered my wrist last May. I took 120 Oxycodone in two months. I went into a chemical depression from them, and at my lowest, I was wishing for death. It was horrendous. Somewhere deep down inside was this spark of hope telling me that this too will change. Your life will change again vicky. Just hold on to that tiny spark and blow on it if it starts to get dim. You will be content again. I have another friend that lost a son to suicide when he was in his 20's. He never talked about it, he just did it. We lost a friend to suicide 5 years ago. I saw it coming but I couldn't stop it. I have another friend who just lost a son to an overdose. I hope your son finds a better way to cope with his demons.
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Old 11-21-2018, 10:48 AM
 
Location: Wasilla, AK
7,233 posts, read 4,123,924 times
Reputation: 15545
I never suffered from depression during my working years. I sure as heck don't suffer from it during my retired years. I consider retirement to be a wonderful experience.
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Old 11-21-2018, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,651,778 times
Reputation: 35449
The only way I could see depression as being a stage of retirement would be if someone were unable to decompress from the routine of working.

I would call it a stage of retirement for some but not for all.
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Old 11-21-2018, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,119 posts, read 9,071,114 times
Reputation: 11540
Vicky: You probably should call your doctor to discuss this antidepressant you are on. It doesn't sound like it's doing what it should be doing. You may need a change to a different drug that will help you more. Every drug affects people in different ways. There is probably another antidepressant that will help more.
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Old 11-21-2018, 01:01 PM
 
4,477 posts, read 4,738,767 times
Reputation: 9940
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky3vicky View Post
Thank you all, for what you have written, and mstly for bothering to respond. There are few things that feel better than feeling others care. I am already on antidepressants. I think that I will call tommorrow for some therapy. I will follow all advice given. I have actually been sliding down for awhile now, but it hit so strong today. I think what really set me off today, was because when Bobby thought the video of a 3 year old girl was his infant great grand daughter, I realized that I can't just pretend to myself that Bobby is really doing okay, he is just getting old and has been misdiagnosed. There have actually been other things as big or bigger, but when he mistook a toddler for a newborn, the cocoon of denial just burst open.




So, all of this has been going on long enough for you to be on antidepressants, multiple suicide attempts by son, husband with progressing dementia and a child being raped over and over .... And therapy is just now occurring to you? Or maybe it is after being suggested many times in all the replies on here.


Really? Makes me wonder.
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Old 11-21-2018, 02:51 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,093 posts, read 5,877,402 times
Reputation: 30347
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
so, all of this has been going on long enough for you to be on antidepressants, multiple suicide attempts by son, husband with progressing dementia and a child being raped over and over ....

And therapy is just now occurring to you? Or maybe it is after being suggested many times in all the replies on here.


Really? Makes me wonder.


not helpful.
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Old 11-21-2018, 03:04 PM
 
4,477 posts, read 4,738,767 times
Reputation: 9940
Quote:
Originally Posted by greatblueheron View Post
not helpful.


I think what is not helpful is not asking questions. How did this go on for so long? Didn't any friends or relatives encouraged therapy? and on and on.




I think being empathetic can only go so far and then there is reality.


"Helpful" runs the gamut. Just because it doesn't suite your sensibilities doesn't mean it is not helpful.
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Old 11-21-2018, 03:11 PM
 
11,929 posts, read 20,376,242 times
Reputation: 19328
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky3vicky View Post
Thank you all, for what you have written, and mstly for bothering to respond. There are few things that feel better than feeling others care. I am already on antidepressants. I think that I will call tommorrow for some therapy. I will follow all advice given. I have actually been sliding down for awhile now, but it hit so strong today. I think what really set me off today, was because when Bobby thought the video of a 3 year old girl was his infant great grand daughter, I realized that I can't just pretend to myself that Bobby is really doing okay, he is just getting old and has been misdiagnosed. There have actually been other things as big or bigger, but when he mistook a toddler for a newborn, the cocoon of denial just burst open.
Look into respite care. As a caretaker, having someone come in to take care of the people you take care of can allow you some time away, even a few hours a week will be restorative.
__________________
Solly says Be nice!
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Old 11-21-2018, 05:04 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,653 posts, read 3,235,973 times
Reputation: 11907
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
So, all of this has been going on long enough for you to be on antidepressants, multiple suicide attempts by son, husband with progressing dementia and a child being raped over and over .... And therapy is just now occurring to you? Or maybe it is after being suggested many times in all the replies on here.


Really? Makes me wonder.



I can see you are a person of great compassion.......NOT!!!!!!
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