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Old 11-21-2018, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,125 posts, read 9,083,586 times
Reputation: 11545

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Not everyone has the ability or the funds to seek therapy. And some people live in rural areas where therapy is not accessible. Finally, some people are actually hesitant to bare their souls to a therapist fearing they will be criticized or looked down on.

So, let's have a little compassion and try to be more helpful.
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Old 11-21-2018, 06:16 PM
 
Location: S.W. Florida
2,210 posts, read 933,389 times
Reputation: 6233
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky3vicky View Post
I am not doing so well...actually dreading Christmas.There are some things going on.Youngest son keeps attempting suicide[getting closer every time, and says that next time it won't be "practice"] Bobby and I became great grandparents nearly 2 months ago. Bobby is doing pretty good as far as the alzheimers, but yesterday we were looking at gran daughters facebook page to see pictures of our new great granddaughter. My granddaughter had posted a video of a 3 year old little girl singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" and Bobby thought she was our 2 month old great granddaughter.

Plus Christmas is coming. Last Christmas was my moms' last Christmas, and we all knew that.She lived a month longer. My brother had power of attorney. He has has always been a monster, but he got especially angry that I am publicly speaking to help people who were sexually abused by family members AND telling the full story of what he did to me-and how he forced me to watch him rape other little girls. We drove the 2 and a half hour drive to my moms' house, and was not allowed in. My mom had made us promise we would be there, but it did not matter. After she died, we were not allowed to even go say goodbye to the house, let alone say goodbye to it.

Mostly, though, things are good. Bobby is so sweet, as is youngest son [the one I am worried about] The dog, goats and chickens are doing okay. I have been invite to give a presentation in Israel this spring. I possibly even lost a pound or 2.

But I am so so so depressed. I am already on antidepressants [son is as well, plus regular counseling] and I don't know why I am so incredibly depressed. I am either crying and I can't stop, or not crying and knowing that I can't cry one tear.

I have been enjoying retirement so much. I have heard there is a "Honeymoon stage.' Is this just another stage that will quickly be over with? I am so sad and I feel so alone.

Please , if anyone can help.
You’ve got a lot on your plate at this time, very little in my opinion is retirement related. You’ve got several major life issues to deal with, and I pray you will find peace and happiness as you walk through them. Eventually you will get back to enjoying your retirement so hold on tight and stay strong.
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Old 11-21-2018, 07:09 PM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,975 posts, read 3,460,586 times
Reputation: 10494
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
I think what is not helpful is not asking questions. How did this go on for so long? Didn't any friends or relatives encouraged therapy? and on and on.




I think being empathetic can only go so far and then there is reality.


"Helpful" runs the gamut. Just because it doesn't suite your sensibilities doesn't mean it is not helpful.
I wasn't going to quote you but obviously you have not read any of Vicky's other posts. She's an extremely strong woman who, along with her husband, is developing a place for autistic children/people.

Her new challenges are overwhelming her right now. Totally understandable, if you'd bothered to get to know her.

Vicky, I forgot that when my sister was the main caretaker for our mom, Lutheran Social Services had a program with volunteer visitors/relief persons who would come in once or twice a week to sit with mom so my sister was able to grocery shop, etc.

I know you are in the country but there may be something like that available for you.
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Old 11-21-2018, 07:13 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,673 posts, read 19,975,978 times
Reputation: 45740
Sweetie.... OMG, you are going through so much, of course you are depressed. I can't imagine what it feels like to have so much on your shoulders.

You need to arrange for some "me" time, so you can keep yourself healthy. Whether it's a counselor, a spa day, lunch with the girls, you need to take care of yourself.

It's like the instructions for the oxygen mask on the plane, put yours on first, so you can help others.

Best wishes.
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Old 11-21-2018, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,100 posts, read 22,968,690 times
Reputation: 35282
Holidays suck. Just hang in there until February 1st and reassess.

I didn't read the whole thread. But, you should look at any meds you are taking that might be affecting your mood or health or memory, etc. This includes any high blood pressure, high cholesterol meds, etc.

Unless you have heart disease, I highly suggest going off all of your meds, except your depression meds. Just change your diet to low fat. I am now vegan and avoid oil, too.

My cholesterol is still high, but all of my other health tests are great, so I'm not worrying about it, and I refuse to take statins because of the side effects I was suffering.

Then, if there is anything in your life you need to deal with that is affecting your happiness, you need to deal with that. For me, it took years to get my housing stable. That was really stressful for many year. But, that has mostly been resolved.

I also had hassles with my daughter that I had to deal with.

My point is that there may be many things you need to deal with.

But, no, depression is not part of retirement. For me, it was the complete opposite. Once I could start collecting SSA retirement, it eliminated a ton of stress. Now I had a regular, dependable source of income. That was a lot of my stress.

I no longer have any thoughts of suicide, whatsoever. But, I did have those thoughts for many years. I can tell you that if you just put it off one day at a time, things do get better.

If you do have serious depression, to the point where you don't feel like getting out of bed, and it seems like an enormous amount of energy just to take a shower - then meds are the way to go. At least until you no longer feel that way.

Then, what you need to make yourself do is get out every day and take a walk. Even if it's just around the block. If the weather is too bad, put on a stocking cap (I'm assuming your hair will be dirty because you don't have the energy to wash it) and go to a mall or grocery store. Walk around and then come back home.

When I was that bad, I was on a seriously limited budget. I told myself I could spend $5.00. I would put on a stocking cap over my greasy hair, and walk around a local grocery store to see all of the specials aisle by aisle, to decide how to spend my $5.00.

it got me out of the house and thinking about something else.

I also highly recommend getting a dog. Not a cat. A dog. Because they need to be walked.

So, you get the love and everything that a cat gives you, but you must also get dressed and get out of the house.

If you must choose between a shower and going for a walk, take the walk. Put on a hat to cover your dirty hair.

Of course, at some point, the shower will become the priority. And then, you choose taking a shower instead of the walk.

If you can't handle cleaning dishes, get paper plates. But, eat something healthy. Pizza can be healthy, as long as you get one with mostly veggies and less fat.

When I was super depressed, I couldn't even cook a pot of beans, because I'd soak them overnight, and then not even have the energy to start to boil them and pay attention to the boiling pot. I was afraid I'd start to boil them and not be able to get off the couch to turn off the burner. That's how bad it was.

So, one day at a time. At first, I think you might need meds just so you can do something besides get in and out of bed. Later on, you might be able to get off of them.

And, be aware that you might not find the right med right off the bat.

What I have learned, though, is that you just never know where life will lead you. For instance for me, my daughter won't talk to me. This was a huge source of depression for me, to the point of considering suicide. But, years later, I have started teaching ESL to fascinating people in Silicon Valley. They come here to work, and really miss their mothers and aunts, etc. They actually want me in their lives, as an older woman, who can kind of fill the role of mother or aunt. And, I help them with their English.

They give me great joy and a group of us will be spending Thanksgiving together tomorrow. As I said, my daughter isn't speaking to me. But, I won't be alone.

it's been really hard for me to find a volunteer situation that suits me. That has also taken a lot of energy and has also been stressful, as there have been many failures.

But, my point is that life has more to offer you than you think. I'm glad I didn't end my life yet. I would have hated to have missed meeting these interesting people.

Not to say life isn't still often really stressful for me. But, I find that I'd be actually really sad now to learn that I didn't have much longer to live. I feel now like I have a lot more I want to get out of this life. Nothing fancy, but just the opportunity to meet more wonderful, interesting people.

I don't have money to travel, and find I don't really want to travel anymore. I like my routine and my own bed. But, I can still meet really interesting people from all over the world by teaching ESL conversation classes through the local libraries.

I just have to show up. And it gives me an incentive to shower and get my hair cut and make sure I have clean clothes and brush my teeth, etc. Those are the kinds of things that are so challenging when you have depression.

And these people are so grateful to have me as a tutor, even though I don't have an English degree, etc. All I have to do is show up and be a native English speaker.

Now, that doesn't mean you might not have to deal with other volunteers who are idiots, but the students are awesome. I highly recommend it as a volunteer option.
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Old 11-22-2018, 02:08 PM
 
634 posts, read 404,645 times
Reputation: 3598
Quote:
Originally Posted by brava4 View Post
So, all of this has been going on long enough for you to be on antidepressants, multiple suicide attempts by son, husband with progressing dementia and a child being raped over and over .... And therapy is just now occurring to you? Or maybe it is after being suggested many times in all the replies on here.


Really? Makes me wonder.
I am calling for therapy. i have been getting counseling off and on for several years. I was in the hospital for 3 days in September, but thought I was doing well until the last few days. What makes you wonder?
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Old 11-22-2018, 02:27 PM
 
1,137 posts, read 570,383 times
Reputation: 4370
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Sweetie.... OMG, you are going through so much, of course you are depressed. I can't imagine what it feels like to have so much on your shoulders.

You need to arrange for some "me" time, so you can keep yourself healthy. Whether it's a counselor, a spa day, lunch with the girls, you need to take care of yourself.

It's like the instructions for the oxygen mask on the plane, put yours on first, so you can help others.

Best wishes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
Holidays suck. Just hang in there until February 1st and reassess.
I agree with these comments. I know it's hard to put some of this out of your mind, but this season inevitably comes 'pre-packaged' with a lot of challenges. Sometimes it is beneficial to concentrate on living in the moment, and putting some stuff on the back-burner until you feel up to the challenge of it all. It's OK to focus on yourself and have a moment or two to call your own. Also know there are a lot of people here that care for you, and are in your corner.
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Old 11-22-2018, 02:45 PM
 
4,481 posts, read 4,743,979 times
Reputation: 9940
Quote:
Originally Posted by vicky3vicky View Post
I am calling for therapy. i have been getting counseling off and on for several years. I was in the hospital for 3 days in September, but thought I was doing well until the last few days. What makes you wonder?


Good, I'm glad to hear you are contacting a therapist. Certainly, it is up to you but 3 days in a hospital is not sufficient to get you to where you probably needed to be. But of course, your choice. I assume you mean for mental health issues.


I say I wonder, because if all of these major issues have been going on for what sounds like quite a while, it seems therapy would be most helpful and suggested by anyone who has a knowledge of what you are experiencing.


I know it is easy for me to say but I can only encourage you to stay in therapy. Self preservation in a chaotic situation is more than important.
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Old 11-22-2018, 04:14 PM
 
Location: Austin
12,238 posts, read 6,953,257 times
Reputation: 13487
I don't owe any obligations. I chose the people I want in my life now and cherish them. the rest have fallen by the wayside. unlike being young, being old allows me to be discerning.
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Old 11-22-2018, 10:34 PM
 
634 posts, read 404,645 times
Reputation: 3598
Once again, thanks to all. These things have all been building up for a while. I have been getting counseling, but think I will call Monday to see if I can get more frequent appointments.

I still spent most of today crying, but I also made a plan to start eating healthier [not sure when I started letting good eating habits slide so much] ramping up on my exercising. I am a person who needs to always see some type of progress. Though we now have a tiny parcel of land for AutHaven, it will probably be Spring before next major steps in fund-raising as I have been advised not to compete with Christmas, and that people are burned out from Christmas for a few months after that.

But, Bobby and I talked. I have never learned to dance. I have won a few dance contests because the judges assumed that I was totally drunk [ didn't drink at all] We decided to learn ballroom dancing, starting with the basic waltz. this is something new and I read somewhere that learning new thngs to do with the body can slow alzheimers. So, this is already making me feel better. I did, though, have to promise him that we would practice not only to "Moon River." [It is an Autistic thing. I do my regular workouts to "Dirty Dancing," the movie, for 7 months straihgt so far!]

The son, though, is the big thing. I ask if any here prays to pray for his mind, or that the doctors can find something that works.

I want you all to know that I do consider you friends. Most of my friends are also Autistic, and I can talk to them about anything. All of my non-Autistic friends are online.But...I ussually don't talk to my Autistic friends
about things that are especially difficult because of the high rate of suicide among Autistic people. [main reason why Autistic people with any cognitive problems-and I have yet to meet any Autistic people without cognitive issues-live an average of 30 years less than the average person. yep, THAT's what happened to all of the old Autistics.
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