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Old 11-20-2018, 04:32 PM
 
1,040 posts, read 866,611 times
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I am not doing so well...actually dreading Christmas.There are some things going on.Youngest son keeps attempting suicide[getting closer every time, and says that next time it won't be "practice"] Bobby and I became great grandparents nearly 2 months ago. Bobby is doing pretty good as far as the alzheimers, but yesterday we were looking at gran daughters facebook page to see pictures of our new great granddaughter. My granddaughter had posted a video of a 3 year old little girl singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" and Bobby thought she was our 2 month old great granddaughter.

Plus Christmas is coming. Last Christmas was my moms' last Christmas, and we all knew that.She lived a month longer. My brother had power of attorney. He has has always been a monster, but he got especially angry that I am publicly speaking to help people who were sexually abused by family members AND telling the full story of what he did to me-and how he forced me to watch him rape other little girls. We drove the 2 and a half hour drive to my moms' house, and was not allowed in. My mom had made us promise we would be there, but it did not matter. After she died, we were not allowed to even go say goodbye to the house, let alone say goodbye to it.

Mostly, though, things are good. Bobby is so sweet, as is youngest son [the one I am worried about] The dog, goats and chickens are doing okay. I have been invite to give a presentation in Israel this spring. I possibly even lost a pound or 2.

But I am so so so depressed. I am already on antidepressants [son is as well, plus regular counseling] and I don't know why I am so incredibly depressed. I am either crying and I can't stop, or not crying and knowing that I can't cry one tear.

I have been enjoying retirement so much. I have heard there is a "Honeymoon stage.' Is this just another stage that will quickly be over with? I am so sad and I feel so alone.

Please , if anyone can help.
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Old 11-20-2018, 04:36 PM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
10,336 posts, read 7,916,036 times
Reputation: 27691
Look at what you're dealing with: a suicidal child, a partner succumbing to dementia, an abusive brother, the anniversary of your mother's death coming up... No wonder you're depressed! Give yourself permission to feel bad. It's not you, it's everything going on around you right now that's causing the depression.
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Old 11-20-2018, 04:43 PM
 
Location: Asheville NC
2,061 posts, read 1,951,596 times
Reputation: 6258
Dear Vicky, you have so many things going on that have nothing to do with being retired. You are coping with your huband’s illness, your son’s depression and attempted suicide, your own sexual molestation by your brother, his keeping you from your dying mother, and your mother passing at Christmas time, now Christmas is coming up soon bringing up more memories.

I just don’t know what to say to help. But this is not a stage of retirement- your life is complicated because of other matters. You need to go to the authorities about your brother raping little girls. He may still be doing it. Please tell. Tell everyone you can get to listen. Being molested as a child never goes away.
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Old 11-20-2018, 04:58 PM
 
6,749 posts, read 5,447,278 times
Reputation: 17584
OP get thee to counseling!!

You need some therapy desperately.

You cant help anyone if you yourself are a wreck.

I am bipolar, have seriously attempted suicide 3 times
The 3rd time the psychiatrist spent 4.5 hours grilling me about me myself and I and how my life was going. I had been being treated frequently at CPEP ( Comprehensive Psychiatric Emergency Program at the hospital) for depression. He sat back and said " you are not depressed ". I was going to argue and ask him why i felt the way i did, when he followed up with " you are bipolar". Once they started treating me for bipolar instead of just depression, i made remarkable improvements.

I just came from mental health therapy today. Today was a hard day. We put to sleep our 20 year old cat. My OH has threatened suicide, and we are, due to cut backs, drowning currently financially. My FIL is becoming a burdon as dementia sets in. Its a bleak Christmas that faces us.did it solve all problems, no. But gave me a chabce to vent, to get an outside opinion, to have someone actually hear my distress. Before i do something stupidly idiotic and permanent.

Can it solve your problems, no. But you WILL be heard abd various medications can really help.

I urge you to get that therapy one on one "me time" for the sake of your sanity.

It is a chemical imbalance in the brain. No shame in seeking help.

Best of luck to you ...

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Old 11-20-2018, 05:19 PM
 
Location: Retired in VT; previously MD & NJ
14,267 posts, read 6,901,560 times
Reputation: 17872
Quote:
Originally Posted by funisart View Post
Dear Vicky, you have so many things going on that have nothing to do with being retired. You are coping with your husband’s illness, your son’s depression and attempted suicide, your own sexual molestation by your brother, his keeping you from your dying mother, and your mother passing at Christmas time, now Christmas is coming up soon bringing up more memories.

I just don’t know what to say to help. But this is not a stage of retirement- your life is complicated because of other matters. You need to go to the authorities about your brother raping little girls. He may still be doing it. Please tell. Tell everyone you can get to listen. Being molested as a child never goes away.
Funisart: NO NO NO. Vicky has enough going on without taking on such an emotionally-charged issue about something that happened 60 years ago! Sometimes you have to leave things for other people to handle. Vicky has enough to deal with.
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Old 11-20-2018, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Asheville NC
2,061 posts, read 1,951,596 times
Reputation: 6258
Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
Funisart: NO NO NO. Vicky has enough going on without taking on such an emotionally-charged issue about something that happened 60 years ago! Sometimes you have to leave things for other people to handle. Vicky has enough to deal with.
She brought it up and what if he is still doing it.. I know what it is. But she really needs help. I don’t know how any of us can help her over the internet except to suggest she get helpl locally. This is just terrible.
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Old 11-20-2018, 05:29 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
9,455 posts, read 12,493,320 times
Reputation: 16449
After what I went through, having had counseling and helpful friends, no one everr mentioned depression as a result of retirement. Anxiety yes and in my case and some others, PTSD.
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Old 11-20-2018, 05:34 PM
 
Location: planet earth
8,620 posts, read 5,608,554 times
Reputation: 19639
There are many layers here to explore:

1) Yes, as you age, you can go through a period of self-reflection that will make you feel bad. (See Erik Erikson Eight Stages):

https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html

2) You have some very challenging life situations that would make anyone depressed.

3) Thinking about the past and your brother IS NOT helping you. Focus on the Here and Now - and what is GOOD in your life. Look into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and see if you can find a counselor that specializes in that.

4) Get a hobby or do things you LOVE every day.
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Old 11-20-2018, 05:45 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,074 posts, read 11,749,196 times
Reputation: 30347
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aredhel View Post
Look at what you're dealing with: a suicidal child, a partner succumbing to dementia, an abusive brother, the anniversary of your mother's death coming up... No wonder you're depressed! Give yourself permission to feel bad. It's not you, it's everything going on around you right now that's causing the depression.
This.

Plus, you are **overwhelmed**

Get an appt. with a counselor and find some help, if you haven't already. You deserve it.

Last edited by greatblueheron; 11-20-2018 at 05:59 PM..
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Old 11-20-2018, 05:56 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,077 posts, read 28,480,388 times
Reputation: 18189
Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
Funisart: NO NO NO. Vicky has enough going on without taking on such an emotionally-charged issue about something that happened 60 years ago! Sometimes you have to leave things for other people to handle. Vicky has enough to deal with.
Yes, she's got a lot on her plate.

How does "leaving this to other ppl to handle" apply to childhood molestation.
God knows how many other victims of the same.
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