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Old 11-26-2018, 10:40 PM
Location: Phoenix, AZ
1,700 posts, read 751,995 times
Reputation: 4209


Originally Posted by suz1023 View Post

Are there some what standard agreements and contracts one can look at for more detailed info and suggestions? Is anyone here doing this already and have some insight as to how best to make it work for everyone?

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER put your money into somebody else's house without becoming a joint owner on the deed.

I've been on several legal websites for many years and have read hundreds if not thousands of horror stories. Family can "do" you worse than strangers.

You'll never believe it can happen in your family until it does.

So, all those things that you are worried about, keep worrying.
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Old 11-26-2018, 11:03 PM
Location: Wasilla, AK
7,240 posts, read 4,132,331 times
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If you're already thinking contracts and lawyers then it probably isn't a good idea.
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Old 11-27-2018, 06:09 AM
1,547 posts, read 401,033 times
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Originally Posted by suz1023 View Post
I'm retired early with a disability, and widowed.

My son and his wife have asked me to move in with them. I am delighted and curious about organizing the investment I'll make in their property for myself. The loose plan is for me to add a second story onto the large garage and create my home there.
Don't do this. Have your own place near by, if you want to be near them. Even a tiny studio apartment is a better idea, because you will have privacy, can do what you wish there, and you won't have the financial and emotional risks involved. For example, what if they get divorced and you are now forced to move. Or they simply decide they don't want you to live with them, because they are having more kids or adopting them, etc. Or they want to start a business in the home, or any other number of reasons that would cause things to change. Not all kids grow up without problems, and you don't want to be stuck in some drama as they work things out.

I recommend finding a nice place near by with no stairs. If you are concerned about travel to and from their place, you can always take Uber if they can't pick you up or drive yourself.
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Old 11-27-2018, 08:40 AM
1,186 posts, read 663,199 times
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Nope, investing money with family is seldom a good idea. Definitely lawyers and arrangements for loans and/or rent would need to be worked out but this is already creating a dicey situation. As another poster said, conditions can deteriorate very quickly with divorce, necessity to move, your health (stairs!), an adult child needing to move home and other issues.

Giving up a big chuck of money upfront would scare the heck out of me. Too many variables. Look into a rental nearby where you all have privacy and separate control of your money.
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Old 11-27-2018, 11:00 AM
11,429 posts, read 8,433,395 times
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If they have space, why not a tiny house?

My DD and SIL plan to purchase land and all of us have a tiny house connected to a large gathering space.

When we were talking about the cost of elder care, SIL decided it would be way cheaper to put all 4 parents one spot and hire caregivers.
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Old 11-27-2018, 11:16 AM
Location: Las Vegas
13,886 posts, read 25,316,043 times
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Originally Posted by twinkletwinkle22 View Post
Every partnership needs a partnership agreement spelling out the termination of the partnership (when it gets sold or the OP goes into assisted living or eventually dies as we all must). This agreement is definitely required before any money is passed between parties and everything needs to be written down after all potential issues are worked through (absolutely assisted by an eldercare attorney for the OP and the son should have his own representation) witnessed and recorded so that the OP's claim on the property is showing on the deed.

I am not an attorney but did have a business partner, still have him after 40 years. The MOST important part of any partnership agreement is the potential sale or termination. Never (NEVER) become a minority partner because the property can be sold without your wanting it to be and you may have no say-so on the sale price and lose money, lose your place to live, lose your good family feelings.

A much better idea is a rental agreement. Your son builds the garage apartment and you agree to pay rent. They get all the potential appreciation, you get a nice safe rental. The stairs do sound problematic however as years go on.

Good luck. Remember the adage "Hell is paved with good intentions."
This is smart!!!! And make sure those stairs can accommodate a chair lift. I might consider a dumbwaiter too for groceries!
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Old 11-27-2018, 11:17 AM
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OP is fortunate to have kids who want her to move next to them. That's nothing to sneeze at.

So what if it is awkward from time to time? There will also be times when it is wonderful.

Gardening together, for example. Enjoying a glass of wine by the creek at the end of at the day. Things that won't happen if the OP is living in a cheap apartment nearby.

Also, quality of life for the OP. Sounds like a wonderful setting. Why trade that for a cheap apartment and a bunch of busybody neighbors?
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Old 11-27-2018, 11:35 AM
603 posts, read 203,454 times
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My MIL has lived with us for several years. She is relatively healthy and able-bodied has her own bedroom and bath on the ground floor. Our kids are in school/daycare, but we do hit her up for the odd teachers' work day or sick day, and from time to time she has been home when the kids get off the bus if I have a meeting that runs late.

Originally she lived with us for free. But with 6 of us in the house, she offered to loan us some money to purchase a vehicle that fits all of us so that we didn't have to drive 2 cars all the time. We're almost done paying her back, with interest, and she pays no rent nor does she contribute to any utilities, food, etc.

Well, we have a lot of visitors (mostly her family and friends), and she wasn't keen on sharing her room all the time. So she lent us money to finish our attic. She stays on the ground floor in her own room, and we're paying her back at an interest rate that is better for both of us. We also have an agreement that if something happens to her before we're done paying her back, the payments continue and the money goes to support another family member out of the country.

It takes a lot of trust in both directions, but intergenerational living has been awesome for us.
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Old 11-27-2018, 12:43 PM
404 posts, read 494,259 times
Reputation: 543
I am so sad that so many see family living together as so problematic. Thank you to those who understand the desire and will to live in community! And to those who warned me against this, thank you too. I am taking all of your advice to heart and we are having great conversations about each and every horror story.
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Old 11-27-2018, 12:56 PM
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,628 posts, read 4,693,202 times
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Originally Posted by suz1023 View Post
I am so sad that so many see family living together as so problematic.
Those are the voices of experience.
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