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Old 11-25-2018, 11:34 AM
 
2,575 posts, read 4,687,379 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AZgarden View Post
I have no plan whatsoever. I guess I am in total denial.
Speaking from my just afore-mentioned experience as executor of an estate, I can't tell you how much it simplified a complex task that I had to undertake under the stress of grieving for my favorite aunt, who was like a mother to me after my own died when I was 24, to have all her wishes in writing. She got a booklet from the local funeral home and it included what kind of casket she wanted, no service, etc. And it was a good thing, because the casket was a rather frilly pink one I would never have chosen. Being able to walk into the funeral home and show them the document made arranging everything a piece of cake. She hadn't prepaid anything, but the money was there and it was easy enough for me to write the check with my POA.

So please make life for your survivors easier and at least tell them what you'd like, even if it's not in writing. It's especially important if there are multiple survivors who might argue about what should be done. No one needs that at a time like that.
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Old 11-25-2018, 11:59 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by VTsnowbird View Post
I would bet there are a lot of plots like that all over. Unused, never will be used. Family moved away, etc.

I have been doing some photos for FindAGrave.com and spending time in cemeteries. Makes me glad DH was cremated. It would be too sad to have a grave that I could visit.
Someone PM-ed me with a suggestion which might or might not help, but I messaged them back that the attorney who handled the estate may be able to help me. The estate was settled in 2002 and I don't have any documentation related to it anymore as so many years have passed, but he probably does, and he knows I was the only heir. I Googled him and he's still in business. I don't care about the money, and it probably isn't that much, but I hate for the space to be wasted if someone wants it. As I said, it's a beautiful old historic cemetery, and someone may want the plot. There are all kinds of videos on youtube about the place.

I know what you mean about having a grave being a sad place to visit. I live on the other side of the country now, and the few times I go back east to visit relatives and friends in PA and MD, I think about making a side trip for another "goodbye," as it won't get any easier as I get older, but I'm not sure what the emotional upheaval would be good for. I had a terrible relationship with my mother and a beautiful one with her sister, and it just seems it would be a very difficult visit. So I tend to avoid it.

I told my son when I'm cremated, he can do whatever he wants with my ashes. I won't be aware and able to care. At least I know he won't toss them down an outhouse like that character in The Shipping News.
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Old 11-25-2018, 12:02 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,651 posts, read 3,235,973 times
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When my family (parents, sisters, me) moved from Buffalo, NY to East Syracuse, NY, (1948) my father bought four plots in a very lovely area. Mom and Dad are in one of them; one of my sister's is in the other. My other sister is in Lake George, NY. So there are two empty plots. I'll go in one of them. One left for the next person needing it in the family.
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Old 11-25-2018, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
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I find it interesting that some really can't bring themselves to be cremated, while others, like myself, are repulsed at the idea of rotting in a coffin. Some need a headstone to visit, while others find that too sad, or just unnecessary. Different strokes...as they say.

For me, my sister and mom are buried, but now I'm in another state in retirement and can't visit even if I want to. I know that they're not there, really, so I suppose that's alright. I used to visit them and bring flowers on their birthday and Mother's Day, just to honor their memory. I want to be scattered at sea, so anyone who wants to remember me, or honor my memory can do so anytime they visit the coast. Just see the sparkling sunlight on the water and know that I'm a part of it and will live on in the ecosystem forever. In that way I'll be recreated as part of a kelp, or coral, or a fish, or a dolphin maybe...
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Old 11-25-2018, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Northern panhandle WV
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I actually have a picture of the WV National Cemetery at sunrise as my computer wallpaper.
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Old 11-25-2018, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Wasilla, AK
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I have an open invitation at any National Cemetery. I just need to die in order to accept it.
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Old 11-25-2018, 12:14 PM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
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It's on my to do to take care of this. I plan to pre-pay for cremation and spreading ashes at sea.
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Old 11-25-2018, 12:24 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,189 posts, read 6,301,958 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AZgarden View Post
I have no plan whatsoever. I guess I am in total denial.
Me too. No plan to buy anything. But my husband will be cremated and his ashes can be spread, just like his father on the English lawn.
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Old 11-25-2018, 01:36 PM
 
9,344 posts, read 6,245,937 times
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We bought our plots and paid for our funerals long before we retired. (Actually cashed out our last insurance policies to pay for them. No debt, so, what did we need insurance for?)

Paid for funerals first because we saw how much cost had gone up for my mother's funeral since my fathers!
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Old 11-25-2018, 01:45 PM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,875,565 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by twins4lynn View Post
It's on my to do to take care of this. I plan to pre-pay for cremation and spreading ashes at sea.
I may do that and skip trying to sign up with a medical school as the medical school idea bothers one of my kids.
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