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Old 11-27-2018, 08:17 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,569,443 times
Reputation: 16777

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Before I moved here, to a small town in Oklahoma. I had a friend who lived here then but she died a few years later.


But I moved to get away from all the bad memories. And the crowded city. And my Mom suddenly just.... crumpled before us a few years before. She was ill but we didn't know how bad. She hadn't seen a doctor. She had a main artery to the heart burst. I'd never seen a person virtually crumple before me.


I went on with school, got a boyfriend. Got my AA. Got a good job. Got engaged with friend, and lost my job. Had worked there two years (almost) and things were bad out there financially, so I couldn't find another one, Knew too much to be hired going up the ladder. Didn't know enough to get there. Did not feel good at all physically.


I moved, but alone. Then moved a few more times. Was homeless for a bit. Got an apartment, but as the building didn't pass the city, lost the place..... met a friend online who lived in Oklahoma. Discovered housing costs were really low. Moved there. But got my little 1932 house in a small town for a song, maybe a few months rent in socal.


Started over.


Its been ten years. Sometimes I wish I lived somewhere else, but I can eat, have a place that's my own, and keep myself busy with the stuff I enjoy. And can afford to buy food. Don't drive as I don't have a car. But eye surgery left one unable to focus with the other eye and thus have baaaaaddddd distance judgement. In the end said no to moving in near my son. Couldn't afford his state....


It's not perfect, but I live where my check covers the needs which have to be. And I have come to love my little old house. I call it my slow project. Me and the pack are good company. And its MINE.


What comes tomorrow? I don't know, but it will come and I'll deal with it.


Before that, or this, I lost my Mom first. She just crumpled and appartently had a heart problem which if I'd known of I'd have just been waiting to see it happen. I don't think she knew fully except something really bad was happening. Dad crumbled and I got to be the strong one, and then he started to lose his memory. He had cancer too, but the memory loss wasn't that. I think he just didn't think he could face a world without her. I had my friend who I was engaged to, and who is still a very close friend despite distance. We wouldn't make it as a couple, but are wonderful friends. I know his family well too, and always ask how his mom is.


So.... life isn't wonderful, but its not bad either. I get up when I want to. Eat when I want to. Shop with wonderful ease without a car now with the internet order, and know I can afford my little house too. Not what I planned but I think a lot of us don't get that. Never would have guessed this, but I'm not complaining either.


I count my blessings and chill out with some music and a new kitten and older dog snoozing on me and am greatful for all the good things.
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Old 11-27-2018, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,139 posts, read 3,514,750 times
Reputation: 9889
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightbird47 View Post
Before I moved here, to a small town in Oklahoma. I had a friend who lived here then but she died a few years later.


But I moved to get away from all the bad memories. And the crowded city. And my Mom suddenly just.... crumpled before us a few years before. She was ill but we didn't know how bad. She hadn't seen a doctor. She had a main artery to the heart burst. I'd never seen a person virtually crumple before me.


I went on with school, got a boyfriend. Got my AA. Got a good job. Got engaged with friend, and lost my job. Had worked there two years (almost) and things were bad out there financially, so I couldn't find another one, Knew too much to be hired going up the ladder. Didn't know enough to get there. Did not feel good at all physically.


I moved, but alone. Then moved a few more times. Was homeless for a bit. Got an apartment, but as the building didn't pass the city, lost the place..... met a friend online who lived in Oklahoma. Discovered housing costs were really low. Moved there. But got my little 1932 house in a small town for a song, maybe a few months rent in socal.


Started over.


Its been ten years. Sometimes I wish I lived somewhere else, but I can eat, have a place that's my own, and keep myself busy with the stuff I enjoy. And can afford to buy food. Don't drive as I don't have a car. But eye surgery left one unable to focus with the other eye and thus have baaaaaddddd distance judgement. In the end said no to moving in near my son. Couldn't afford his state....


It's not perfect, but I live where my check covers the needs which have to be. And I have come to love my little old house. I call it my slow project. Me and the pack are good company. And its MINE.


What comes tomorrow? I don't know, but it will come and I'll deal with it.


Before that, or this, I lost my Mom first. She just crumpled and appartently had a heart problem which if I'd known of I'd have just been waiting to see it happen. I don't think she knew fully except something really bad was happening. Dad crumbled and I got to be the strong one, and then he started to lose his memory. He had cancer too, but the memory loss wasn't that. I think he just didn't think he could face a world without her. I had my friend who I was engaged to, and who is still a very close friend despite distance. We wouldn't make it as a couple, but are wonderful friends. I know his family well too, and always ask how his mom is.


So.... life isn't wonderful, but its not bad either. I get up when I want to. Eat when I want to. Shop with wonderful ease without a car now with the internet order, and know I can afford my little house too. Not what I planned but I think a lot of us don't get that. Never would have guessed this, but I'm not complaining either.


I count my blessings and chill out with some music and a new kitten and older dog snoozing on me and am greatful for all the good things.
What a story! Your simple and content lifestyle sounds like where I am at but I am still without that little house. Working on that dream and mostly because I want freedom to have more animals and a garden. Some day!
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Old 11-27-2018, 09:34 PM
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,547 posts, read 17,569,443 times
Reputation: 16777
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyDogToday View Post
What a story! Your simple and content lifestyle sounds like where I am at but I am still without that little house. Working on that dream and mostly because I want freedom to have more animals and a garden. Some day!

I had checked prices in the city, several of them, and it wasn't going to happen. Then I met my friend who lived here in OK, small town and came from Florida. I went out to go to a convention (for the tv show Jericho, set in a small town in southern Kansas). I immediately was sure I had found a way. I called a realator and we got a very good price as the house had been sitting for some time. Called family, they said sure....


The rest is sort of history. I've had my times when I wished I could move. I'm not likely to get that much if I sold it, not enough for much, but then costs for things like property tax make up for it. I won't be moving for some time, likely. And the family which was there has all moved anyway.


Don't give up. If you're up to a longer move, check out some small towns. You'd be surprised how many people retired to one, and are happy with their move. If there is a place you like, check there. And a place which is liveable but needs lots of love but will let you create just what you want is often very reasonable.


You don't have to do it right now, but if there is a place you'd like to know, no reason not to ask.


It was funny, before my friend passed who lived here (heart attack, one everyone was expecting) I had started thinking about what if I decide to move elsewhere. But as I looked, I looked at my house too. It looked like a differnt house. Lots of stuff to do IF I really want to. So I have chosen to see it that way. And its reenergising me to get stuff done and give it that last shine like I always intended to but hadn't because this why bother stuff was darkening the skies too much.


Just for inspiration, find a place you like, and look for the older houses and see what they cost, and get some idea of the range. Then let it stew for a while and see how you feel. Maybe you don't think so, or maybe its this sense of freedom, and you say why NOT just call.....


When my son proposed I move to Utah with them, and I said no, largely because it just happens to be the most expensive state of the rest, and I didn't have to research about if I could afford it.... But it also jolted me back into looking at this one and now I'm looking forward to paint and shelves and all those things I decided I'd never do......
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Old 11-28-2018, 04:07 AM
 
Location: Planet Woof
3,139 posts, read 3,514,750 times
Reputation: 9889
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightbird47 View Post
I had checked prices in the city, several of them, and it wasn't going to happen. Then I met my friend who lived here in OK, small town and came from Florida. I went out to go to a convention (for the tv show Jericho, set in a small town in southern Kansas). I immediately was sure I had found a way. I called a realator and we got a very good price as the house had been sitting for some time. Called family, they said sure....


The rest is sort of history. I've had my times when I wished I could move. I'm not likely to get that much if I sold it, not enough for much, but then costs for things like property tax make up for it. I won't be moving for some time, likely. And the family which was there has all moved anyway.


Don't give up. If you're up to a longer move, check out some small towns. You'd be surprised how many people retired to one, and are happy with their move. If there is a place you like, check there. And a place which is liveable but needs lots of love but will let you create just what you want is often very reasonable.


You don't have to do it right now, but if there is a place you'd like to know, no reason not to ask.


It was funny, before my friend passed who lived here (heart attack, one everyone was expecting) I had started thinking about what if I decide to move elsewhere. But as I looked, I looked at my house too. It looked like a differnt house. Lots of stuff to do IF I really want to. So I have chosen to see it that way. And its reenergising me to get stuff done and give it that last shine like I always intended to but hadn't because this why bother stuff was darkening the skies too much.


Just for inspiration, find a place you like, and look for the older houses and see what they cost, and get some idea of the range. Then let it stew for a while and see how you feel. Maybe you don't think so, or maybe its this sense of freedom, and you say why NOT just call.....


When my son proposed I move to Utah with them, and I said no, largely because it just happens to be the most expensive state of the rest, and I didn't have to research about if I could afford it.... But it also jolted me back into looking at this one and now I'm looking forward to paint and shelves and all those things I decided I'd never do......
I DO have a rural area in mind and not far from me. It is so far out that developers haven't gone after it yet accessible to decent healthcare.

Finding that house and owner is the challenge but I need to get on it by spring.

Thanks for sharing your story. It makes me feel hopeful.
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Old 11-28-2018, 06:20 AM
 
6,666 posts, read 1,381,826 times
Reputation: 16748
Nightbird47, I think a LOT of people would benefit by following your example!

Congratulations on finding such a suitable lifestyle for yourself!
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Old 11-28-2018, 10:10 AM
 
Location: Minnesota
560 posts, read 141,083 times
Reputation: 1672
This may sound dumb and if so I apologize but I think it applies.

3 years ago I lost my dog to poisoning and 6 months later I had to put the other down because her hips had gotten so bad she literally could not pick herself up to walk anymore. When I talked about getting another dog my husband, who is not a pet person, asked why I would even consider the possibility putting myself through such grief again because I take it so hard when I loose them. The answer was because they brought so much joy into my life when they were there. My point is I think that's how we have to look at all of life. When my dad passed I thought it would break me but I've been lucky enough to make it to the point that instead of grieving for him I can focus on the joy I had of him being in my life. I think that's all we can do.
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Old 11-28-2018, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Milwaukee Area of WI
1,886 posts, read 1,297,893 times
Reputation: 1988
Quote:
Originally Posted by jmcahacker View Post
My point is I think that's how we have to look at all of life. When my dad passed I thought it would break me but I've been lucky enough to make it to the point that instead of grieving for him I can focus on the joy I had of him being in my life. I think that's all we can do.

Very good point and I'm going to remember that.

I finally have a guy in my life that brings me so much joy that I'm afraid constantly lately that life will be cruel and take him away. I know I can't keep that mindset and that I have to just enjoy every moment we have in the present time.
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Old 11-28-2018, 01:58 PM
 
Location: Prepperland
13,749 posts, read 9,862,006 times
Reputation: 9879
I just remember that the end goal for partially furred, variously garbed, electrically powered, food cooking, water filled, gas processing meat bags inhabited by sentient nondimensional beings is to ride them until they break, and get in line to ride another. Strive to be the kind of person you would enjoy spending eternity with, otherwise you may become a person that’s hell to be around.
- - - Rich Widow Bait
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Old 11-28-2018, 03:00 PM
 
1,207 posts, read 360,943 times
Reputation: 3796
I lost four people I dearly loved within two years and four months. Only one was old enough to be an expected death. I miss them each and every day. I am surrounded by things that trigger memories of them. And the memories are good, it's just there is saddness, too. There's nothing to be done except accept it and keep on going.
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Old 11-28-2018, 03:13 PM
 
2,130 posts, read 732,612 times
Reputation: 5465
I try to stay surrounded by people who are a mix of ages.

I lost my mother and DH within 2 months of each other; Mom was 85 and DH was 78. Both had been diagnosed with cancer that was unlikely to be treated successfully. They chose palliative care. Two weeks after DH died, my second granddaughter was born and I went to stay with them and hold down the fort with 2-year old Big Sister. What joy. I'd lost two people who'd had good, long lives and left this world gracefully after plenty of time to say goodbyes, and now there was this new life. I still remember my older granddaughter happily skipping down the church aisle after DH's funeral as I proceeded behind her carrying the box with his ashes. Hey, there was music and an empty path ahead- why not dance, right?

I haven't had to endure the tragedy of losing someone way before their time, but when you get past a certain age, death is an expected part of life.
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