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Old 11-28-2018, 05:48 AM
 
1,069 posts, read 805,155 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63 View Post
Great, but not an excuse - and I actually question that with her bragging behavior. It seems that even talking a lot does not help her "loneliness" - it is more of a personality issue and likely a long-standing one, not just since getting older.
This ^^^

I know people who have behaved this way since they were in their 20's
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Old 11-28-2018, 06:08 AM
 
640 posts, read 529,025 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Piney Creek View Post
Does anyone know why some seniors become really long winded as they get older? I'm talking about those people who go on and on, taking 15-20 minutes to tell a story that just 5 years before they could tell in 5 minutes.

Then there are the ones who constantly find ways to dominate conversations, and or who never let anyone else talk. I volunteer at a local senior center, where we have a knitting group. We have a 74-year-old woman who really seems to have this issue. She jumps into every conversation, and no matter what someone else might say, she has an opinion or some experience that she wants to share. Once she starts just goes on and on. Sometimes she takes the conversation off track. If people try to talk over her or steer the conversation back to the original topic, she sometimes gets defensive that other people are trying to interrupt her, and even brags about how she can talk louder than anyone else, so don't try it! She complains that the other people in her groups talk too much (apparently she doesn't realize she is the worst offender, by far).

People complain about her a lot, but nobody wants to tell her to shut up, because she would take it way too hard. She really is very sweet and nobody wants to hurt her. We've discussed having a polite, private conversation with her about it, but the conclusion is this would probably backfire, too. She would probably over react and go to the other extreme and nobody wants that either.

For now, we're all pretending to ignore it. There is something to be said for being patient and realizing we all have faults, especially as we get older. But... is there a better solution?

Or at least an idea on what causes this (so maybe we can be a little more sympathetic)?

Thoughts?
This sounds like my sister-in-law. Very opinionated. It's all about what she has to say and she won't shut up. She is around 70 years.
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Old 11-28-2018, 06:13 AM
 
6,520 posts, read 1,336,586 times
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This is only related to what the OP is stating, but one of my grandmothers was like that as long as I knew her (from when she was about 60 or so) - loud and dominating of a conversation -- but when she got to be about 80, she would absolutely refuse to stop talking until she was absolutely finished with everything she had to say. Now that I am 65, I find myself sometimes forgetting what I was going to say if someone starts talking first, so I am just wondering if that is how it is with many old people? That they are just afraid they will forget what they were going to say if they don't get it all out right away.

P.S. Thanks for adding to my vocabulary! I clicked on this thread because I had no idea what logorrhea was -- I thought it might be some kind of skin disease -- or a new kind of STD, lol!
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Old 11-28-2018, 06:26 AM
 
Location: northern New England
2,435 posts, read 1,057,100 times
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And to think I quit the knitting group because of LACK of conversation!!


Maybe get together with a few other members and plan something like this.


"blahblah blah..."


A- "Let me tell you about..."


BLAHBLAHBLAH


you - "I want to hear what A has to say"


co-conspirator or 2 -"Yes, I want to hear what A has to say too! Let's give someone else a chance to talk too"


IDK, it might work for a while.


And if she is being so obnoxious, why are you afraid of hurting her feelings? Isn't it kinder to rein her in before people start uninviting her to things?
Also, is there any way to physically "isolate" her when she starts going off? Like move your chairs away from her (subtly) and toward the person you want to talk to?
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Old 11-28-2018, 06:50 AM
 
11,963 posts, read 5,102,113 times
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I don't think it's an age thing either. I had a great friend who would talk and talk. I learned to just listen and interrupt when I had enough. I avoided phone conversations with her because I could literally put the phone down, go do the dishes and she'd still be talking when I got back. I had to work very hard to get a word in and stop her from talking.
She was however a wonderful person and her personality was like this the entire 30 years we were friends.

I work with the general public and sometimes someone will call and rather than get to the point of what they need, I have to listen for 10 minutes while they tell me their life story which has nothing to do with why they called. That's frustrating and often I have to interrupt because I can't spend an unlimited amount of time listening to people.
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Old 11-28-2018, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Williamsburg, VA
3,551 posts, read 1,647,282 times
Reputation: 10162
Quote:
Originally Posted by VTsnowbird View Post
And to think I quit the knitting group because of LACK of conversation!!


Maybe get together with a few other members and plan something like this.


"blahblah blah..."


A- "Let me tell you about..."


BLAHBLAHBLAH


you - "I want to hear what A has to say"


co-conspirator or 2 -"Yes, I want to hear what A has to say too! Let's give someone else a chance to talk too"


IDK, it might work for a while.


And if she is being so obnoxious, why are you afraid of hurting her feelings? Isn't it kinder to rein her in before people start uninviting her to things?
Also, is there any way to physically "isolate" her when she starts going off? Like move your chairs away from her (subtly) and toward the person you want to talk to?

Hmmm, some good suggestions. I'll try them and see if they work. Thanks!
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Old 11-28-2018, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,093 posts, read 5,877,402 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marcandme View Post
Believe me....it`s just not seniors. Guess being long winded, is just in their blood.
Yes, not just seniors....

those who talk too much appear to me to be avoiding their own thoughts or issues. If you talk constantly, you never learn and you avoid quality private time for reflection.

Or some are just nervous around others and can find themselves babbling...
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Old 11-28-2018, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Williamsburg, VA
3,551 posts, read 1,647,282 times
Reputation: 10162
You know, reading through all the replies, a new thought struck me: you guys are right, this situation probably HAS been going on for awhile. Yet the other knitters haven't been driven away or done anything about it themselves. Why is that? They've been knitting together for years, why do they suddenly want the new person to fix it?

Maybe a deeper truth is the endless talking is annoying but they enjoy having something to complain about. If I fix it, they'll just find some other thing to complain about. Maybe me. Especially if my actions end up hurting Roberta, because people do like her, even though she does have this habit that they like to complain about. Plus she's the kind of person who gets devastated if anyone criticizes her; I can see any action on my part will just end up making her friend rally against the mean newcomer who hurt her feelings. Even though they started off wanting me to do something. Human nature, LOL

OK, glad I talked this out here and I think I'll just go find a book to read so I can ignore it.
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Old 11-28-2018, 08:28 AM
 
661 posts, read 195,966 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ukiyo-e View Post
I was going to suggest this, too. I live alone and I notice I get pretty talkative with the ladies I volunteer with, partly because I might not have spoken to a single soul for 3 days since my last volunteer shift. The three ladies I work with are all very chatty and sociable, and I can easily shut my trap and let them tell *their* stories, so I know I'm not as bad as your example, but I do try to monitor my yakkiness and be sensitive to my listeners' attention to make sure they're interested in what I'm saying.

All three have become like friends, and told me many personal things about their lives, so I think I can assume I do listen, or they wouldn't confide in me. One thing I consciously do sometimes is let them start the conversation when the last topic has run its course.
My mother has your same experience with sometimes going days without speaking to another human before before having her next social interaction. She's always been rather social and loquacious, but living by herself has intensified her natural tendencies.

When we have a visit, it usually takes her a day or so to "slow her roll" a bit. That first day with her can be a bit exhausting for me, but I wouldn't give up time with her for the world as she's both my mother and one of my best friends.

She's aware that she can come across as talking too much, so she self-moderates her chattiness around others as you wrote that you do within your own circle of friends. I would never expect her to do so around me as because I'm her daughter, I both love and like her, and I accept her for who and what she is--including her general talkativeness. It also helps that while she's quite the talker, she's a wonderful listener and has a natural sweetness to her, too.
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Old 11-28-2018, 08:32 AM
 
12,676 posts, read 14,059,781 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Piney Creek View Post
....Thoughts?

Yeah, we don't have a lot of time left. Just shut up and listen. You'll get your turn, barring a fatal accident or a nuclear war.
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