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Old 11-29-2018, 06:09 PM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,643,583 times
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I expected my son to go where the job opportunities were and felt no resentment. Luckily we were able to retire and move to the state my son has a job in. Our understanding was that if he found a better opportunity elsewhere he should not hesitate. Either we follow him or find a small town more suitable to our needs as we age.
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Old 11-29-2018, 07:12 PM
 
Location: Asheville NC
1,602 posts, read 1,313,958 times
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My son has moved (for his career) 4 times but now he will probably be staying in one place for a while- but who knows? We also moved to our retirement location-far from him. How do we feel about his moving away? Proud! He is doing very well in his chosen career. He owns two homes, has never asked for money, and is supporting his family very well. We see them several times a year. Talk often. We meet them in vacation spots, they visit us in the summer, we visit them more often than they come to our home because we are retired and have time.
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Old 11-29-2018, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,399 posts, read 9,143,473 times
Reputation: 13036
Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235 View Post
For those of you who have adult children who moved far away - how do you feel about it? How often do you see them? Is there any resentment that they left and now you only seem them a few times a year? Did you have kids thinking that they would remain close by for your lifetime? or did you want them to "spread their wings and soar" type of thing?
Since this not 1946 it’s the norm that one’s kids move away for career. It’s just how it is in 2018. I am thankful that both of our kids (and their family) are in the US.

I do shake my head when I read of people who move to be close to their kids. Gosh, we would have have moved so many times in the last 10 years! And one lives in Texas and the other in Reno. How does that work for people who people who chase their kids in retirement?
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Old 11-29-2018, 08:26 PM
 
4,437 posts, read 2,612,363 times
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People, parents, kids, grandchildren should go/,live wherever the job is or where they want to live.

If that means staying close to " home", fine, if not then expect them to move.

I dont have kids, but am a kid, and never get why parents expect kids to stay "home" and ALWAYS visit the parents??
Too many people complain they never see the kid who lives 10 minutes away. I would call that an overbearing parent, and see that its no wonder why the kids dont visit.

My OH and I both moved away from "home" and boomeranged back. My father took a job half a country away from his and my mother's midwest roots. My OH was born in Europe to an American father and European mother, so they uprooted to/back to USA. In both cases, we went back home to grandmothers house, i every summer, and on occasion to my grandmothers house in Florida, and my OH spent every other summer in Europe.

We boomeranged back home when the jobs disappeared out in our cross living of the country dried up. Both of us lived elsewhere where the jovs/,money was.

My father once told me " if you want to go somewhere go, dont stay because of me. Also, dont move somewhere just because i did".

Golden words of truth.

Ive seen/known too many people who retired and moved to be closer to their kids or grandchildren only to have it backfire.

Thats just plain stupid to move because to be near someone or expect them to stay near you.

We are still here, as WE think it is our responsibility to stay near and care for our remaining aging parents. But that is OUR CHOICE. Not a parental requirement.

Already its backfiring with the FIL. Hes overbearing and demanding and lives 18 minutes away. Maybe his memory loss, convenient it seems to us at times, is developing dementia. Not pleasant.

Our out would be to move to where we want to, but we consider it our duty to help look after him.

The BEST choice is for everyone to live where they want to or the job is.

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Old 11-29-2018, 08:34 PM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,643,583 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr5150 View Post
Since this not 1946 itís the norm that oneís kids move away for career. Itís just how it is in 2018. I am thankful that both of our kids (and their family) are in the US.

I do shake my head when I read of people who move to be close to their kids. Gosh, we would have have moved so many times in the last 10 years! And one lives in Texas and the other in Reno. How does that work for people who people who chase their kids in retirement?
Chase! My son and his wife wanted us in their childrenís lives . I suppose it would be different if we were born in the USA and had family here to keep us in one place but we donít. we see our lives in the USA as one wonderful and amazing adventure . Iím so glad we moved to Arizona from the Midwest. In between enjoying time with our son and his wife and children we are hiking and exploring this amazing state.
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Old 11-29-2018, 09:28 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,229 posts, read 6,331,374 times
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I encouraged mine to move far away for jobs. Nothing sad about it. Since they are both in California, they come home for Thanksgivings and Xmas, and more. I see the one in the Bay Area 4-5 times a year. She gets to work from home, so she comes down for a visit and works from home. Nothing to it. The other one is just one hour away but come back to visit often since she’s goes to some form of entertainment in my county. So all is good. I can’t complaint, I moved away for jobs, my husband moved far away for jobs. Kids follow our footsteps.
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Old 11-30-2018, 04:28 AM
 
3,752 posts, read 9,605,753 times
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My husband and I married in Alaska while his parents lived in upstate NY. Several years later we moved to Indiana and for 40 years visited them once a year. They lived in a very economically depressed area with no jobs for either of us.

Dad died and Mom finally decided to move out here. We have seen her more in a few years than in the whole 40 previous years. She admitted that it would have been better for them to have moved here 20 years ago.
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Old 11-30-2018, 05:52 AM
 
Location: NC Piedmont
3,911 posts, read 2,878,614 times
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We only have one fully launched and only for a short while, but he is not close. We have seen this coming from a long way off but only because we believe in him. For years, his dream has been to work for a major animation studio working on feature films. I always thought he was good at art and smart enough to learn the complex animation software studios use these days, but I was never sure how much was dad pride. He specialized in effects animation; explosions, fire, wind, waves, etc. It's an incredibly competitive field and most students end up working in ad agencies, smaller studios, game companies (also very competitive) or something where they use their skills as only part of the job like web design. He was able to get an internship at one of the major studios straight out of college and they hired him at the end. It turns out he really is as talented as I thought. One of the recruiters was at a round table talking about how to break in to the industry and stressed how important it was for students to put a lot of work into their demo reel and not just stitch together a few school projects. As an example, she talked about a demo reel they got from an intern that just blew them away. Yup - his. So I could not be more proud. It was absolutely not personal for him to move away.
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Old 11-30-2018, 06:03 AM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,433 posts, read 1,668,181 times
Reputation: 8692
We moved away from family for our careers and our son did too when it was his time. Our son lived in several large Northeastern cities before moving to FL. After grandkids came along, we decided moving to an area with a warmer climate and near the grandkids was a win-win situation. DH hadn’t retired yet and took another position within his company that ended up with a relocation package to this area, making a move even easier.

Moving here has been a good experience for us. We didn’t realize what a rut we had dug ourselves into until we moved. Change can be good. Would we follow them if they moved? We might, if it was a climate we liked, was near water and we were ready for a change again. If it was a landlocked, colder climate, and we were still content here, we would not.

We’ve accomplished our goal: we’ve seen our grandkids growing up and been part of their lives for six years, and love living in a warm climate. Our lives here are richer in many ways.

Last edited by jean_ji; 11-30-2018 at 06:50 AM..
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Old 11-30-2018, 06:45 AM
 
4,343 posts, read 6,057,486 times
Reputation: 10428
Four days after our son graduated from college, we moved about 1,100 miles away for my husband's career. It helped our son to grow up fast. We live in the same state now but we just sold our house and we're moving to where it's warm. I would never consider following another family member sround the globe.
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