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Old 11-30-2018, 07:09 PM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,639,332 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bookspage View Post
So for those who don't care or who moved away from their adult children, what is your plan if you ever become disabled?

Or is everyone free to live their lives and chase their dreams at that point too?

We chose to move and live near our son but there is no way we want or expect him to look after us. If we become disabled we will arrange for professional care or move into assisted living.
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Old 11-30-2018, 07:47 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,188 posts, read 6,301,958 times
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There is a nursing home and CCRC near us, less than 5 miles. Hospital is about a mile away. Kids will only have to help manage money from afar. No need to be close by. But I expect mine will be boomerang, they will come back near us when they are older. They like living near the beach, and of course they like my stuffing, so we at least visit every Thanksgivings.
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Old 11-30-2018, 08:50 PM
 
2,575 posts, read 4,687,379 times
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After my friend's in-laws moved to the city where he and his family live, he joked that you should live at least one state away from your parents. And my son and I do live in adjoining states. But it's just a 2-hour drive to each other's houses, so we see each other a few times a year. Close enough to see each other pretty easily when we want, far enough away to not get all up in each other's business.

I don't expect him to take care of me if I become a frail elder. I've socked away money for my care if needed.
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Old 12-01-2018, 04:24 AM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,427 posts, read 1,663,961 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bookspage View Post
So for those who don't care or who moved away from their adult children, what is your plan if you ever become disabled?

Or is everyone free to live their lives and chase their dreams at that point too?
We would not put the burden of our care onto our son. Caring for parents is a different subject and has its own forum, Caregiving on C-D. Spend some time reading threads there to learn the harsh reality of eldercare in today’s world.

I’ll not go into my own thoughts on this subject other than to say my mother is in a memory care unit/nursing home and I don’t expect my son to do anything different than I have done.

Last edited by jean_ji; 12-01-2018 at 04:51 AM..
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Old 12-01-2018, 07:01 AM
 
245 posts, read 78,783 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235 View Post
For those of you who have adult children who moved far away - how do you feel about it? How often do you see them? Is there any resentment that they left and now you only seem them a few times a year? Did you have kids thinking that they would remain close by for your lifetime? or did you want them to "spread their wings and soar" type of thing?
Resent your children living their lives the way they see fit? How is that even a question? I can't imagine being so selfish.

I can't imagine spending your life living where your parents want you to live rather than where you want to live (or need to live out of economic necessity).

Adult children aren't slaves to their parents.
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Old 12-01-2018, 09:37 AM
 
Location: The South
5,213 posts, read 3,627,108 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235 View Post
For those of you who have adult children who moved far away - how do you feel about it? How often do you see them? Is there any resentment that they left and now you only seem them a few times a year? Did you have kids thinking that they would remain close by for your lifetime? or did you want them to "spread their wings and soar" type of thing?
Only one kid and he lives in New York and I live further South. We see him about once or twice a year. No resentment.
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Old 12-01-2018, 12:32 PM
 
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Our daughter moved to NYC from our native Wisconsin one month out of college. She had declared at the age of 16 she was moving there, and she did. 12 years later, she's still there with her husband who ALSO grew up in Wisconsin, but moved to NYC for law school. They had never met until they were at a party there, even though they had both been at UW-Madison at the same time. My sister is in California, so we have relatives on both coasts to visit. We're moving to Florida in a month, it's a plane trip to see them both, wherever we live. Might as well get out of the snow.
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Old 12-01-2018, 12:50 PM
 
Location: Location: Happy Place
3,687 posts, read 1,863,297 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bookspage View Post
So for those who don't care or who moved away from their adult children, what is your plan if you ever become disabled?

Or is everyone free to live their lives and chase their dreams at that point too?
We have adequate funds to pay for any care we may need.
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Old 12-01-2018, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Location: Happy Place
3,687 posts, read 1,863,297 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Wave View Post
Resent your children living their lives the way they see fit? How is that even a question? I can't imagine being so selfish.

I can't imagine spending your life living where your parents want you to live rather than where you want to live (or need to live out of economic necessity).

Adult children aren't slaves to their parents.
Exactly. My son, who has a trucking business, is considering moving to the Salt Lake City area. I cannot imagine discouraging him from advancing this business and income.

At least I will have a place to go visit, and so will he.
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Old 12-01-2018, 01:50 PM
 
1,185 posts, read 661,897 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bookspage View Post
So for those who don't care or who moved away from their adult children, what is your plan if you ever become disabled?

Or is everyone free to live their lives and chase their dreams at that point too?
How can adult children be expected to take care of disabled parents with their own jobs and busy lives? We would never put that responsibility on them. As another poster suggested, take a look at the Caregiving section and read the difficult situations there.

Our adult kids have copies of our long term care insurance policies plus all our other legal papers so they know we have made plans if necessary. We figure they needed to be in the loop so they would not have that major concern.

My parents took care of business themselves and I saw how important it was to be prepared.
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