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Old 12-03-2018, 08:15 AM
 
1,401 posts, read 769,373 times
Reputation: 1661

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Quote:
Originally Posted by texan2yankee View Post
I "moved far away" for career. My life was overly busy with my job, husband, kids, and other obligations. I called my parents once a week and flew home to visit with my family once every couple of years and it wasn't enough. my parents were never satisfied with my efforts and let me know every time I called or visited I should be available to them much more often. Only twice did they make the long trip and come to my home to visit in almost thirty years.

I finally quit trying.

Tread carefully with your criticism and try to remember what you had on your plate at your kids' age. after all, we raise our kids to be independent don't we? that is the goal of successful parenting.

I'm actually the kid lol... i posed the question because i'm 31 and debating moving to another state (NY to FL). But I know how upset my parents would be. And on top of that, my parents don't like to fly, so they would never fly down to see me. It would be different if i was 2-3 hours away, but NY to FL is quite a hike. I just wanted to ask here to see the perspective of people who actually have adult children who have moved far away.



I know people do it all the time, but i don't know, it just doesn't seem right.
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Old 12-03-2018, 12:53 PM
 
3,096 posts, read 1,719,273 times
Reputation: 3490
Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235 View Post
I'm actually the kid lol... i posed the question because i'm 31 and debating moving to another state (NY to FL). But I know how upset my parents would be. And on top of that, my parents don't like to fly, so they would never fly down to see me. It would be different if i was 2-3 hours away, but NY to FL is quite a hike. I just wanted to ask here to see the perspective of people who actually have adult children who have moved far away.



I know people do it all the time, but i don't know, it just doesn't seem right.
Have you actually asked them? Are you moving for a better job?
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Old 12-03-2018, 03:52 PM
 
3,546 posts, read 1,360,288 times
Reputation: 6955
"I'm actually the kid lol... i posed the question because i'm 31 and debating moving to another state (NY to FL). But I know how upset my parents would be. And on top of that, my parents don't like to fly, so they would never fly down to see me."

if you really really want them to visit you in FL...
how about an offer to buy the airline tickets?
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Old 12-03-2018, 04:48 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,216 posts, read 6,320,879 times
Reputation: 9827
Money sometimes might not a problem. Sometimes, it’s hassling. We offered to pay my in laws for years to come out and visit, now we get close to their age, we understand the reason why they don’t take up the offer.
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Old 12-04-2018, 02:44 AM
 
4,432 posts, read 2,609,683 times
Reputation: 10299
Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235 View Post
I'm actually the kid lol... i posed the question because i'm 31 and debating moving to another state (NY to FL). But I know how upset my parents would be. And on top of that, my parents don't like to fly, so they would never fly down to see me. It would be different if i was 2-3 hours away, but NY to FL is quite a hike. I just wanted to ask here to see the perspective of people who actually have adult children who have moved far away.



I know people do it all the time, but i don't know, it just doesn't seem right.
Do what YOU need or want to do.

We'd be in sunshine and warmth, but we consider it our duty to look after our remaining fathers.

Should or rather when one passes, we will go to warmer climes, and hopefully get the other to snowbird with us until we permanently move there after he, too, passes.

This what WE want and need to do.

Dont stay in NY if you hate it ( we do now, of course due to winter) if you want to go to greener pastures (not to mention palm tree lined Avenues) just because your parents are there/here.

If they wont fly to you, make it clear youll fly to them as frequently as possible. And call once a week. If they want to see you more, they will have to come to you. Make it clear.

Its not your duty to stay near them if you are unhappy.

You have to learn to put yourselves and your family if applicable first.

Best of luck in your decision (s)
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Old 12-04-2018, 07:11 AM
 
6,241 posts, read 4,725,740 times
Reputation: 12780
Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235 View Post
I'm actually the kid lol... i posed the question because i'm 31 and debating moving to another state (NY to FL). But I know how upset my parents would be. And on top of that, my parents don't like to fly, so they would never fly down to see me. It would be different if i was 2-3 hours away, but NY to FL is quite a hike. I just wanted to ask here to see the perspective of people who actually have adult children who have moved far away.



I know people do it all the time, but i don't know, it just doesn't seem right.
If it does not seem right, then I guess you should not do it. If you are looking for alternative points of view, I can add my experience.


I don't like to fly, but I took my first long flight at age 10. I have flown for business and family reasons and for vacations a great many times. It is a part of living in the modern world. If your parents don't want to adapt, then that is their decision. You could also visit them. There are a great many flights, including low cost deals, between NY and Florida.


When I grew up, my parents expected that I would launch myself into the world and become independent. In fact they encouraged me to take one of the first major steps by going away to college. We lived in Maryland and I went to college in Colorado and finished in NY. I never returned home again except for visits. Over the years my wife and I lived in many parts of the country including on both coasts. Her parents and then my parents also moved in their retirements.
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Old 12-04-2018, 08:38 AM
 
Location: Tehachapi, CA
65 posts, read 35,875 times
Reputation: 148
Default Difficult!

Good morning,

Of my 3 children, my two daughters moved from California to Florida for work. My son still resides in California. I miss them a lot. We are considering retiring in a couple of years and I am thinking of Florida. My husband does not care for the weather.

We have spent the last 2 Christmas' in Florida and we will be flying out in March for my youngest daughter's wedding. Occasionally, the girls fly out to California for work, but can only come by for a day.

My son's wife is very selfish and they spend most of their time with her family. That is my son's choice.

I see myself spending a lot of time in Florida within the next two years, especially if my youngest has a baby. That leaves my husband watching the dogs.

So to reiterate, I miss them a lot. Do I want to move there? Yes, but what if their jobs take them to yet another location.

Best,

Reddog53
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Old 12-04-2018, 08:56 AM
 
Location: Winterpeg
881 posts, read 335,710 times
Reputation: 3701
My parents moved away from us kids. Dad retired from the military, and they moved halfway across the country. The oldest two kids were married with their own kids, my twin and I had just graduated high school. Three of us eventually followed them. Then when my daughter was graduating high school, I told my mother that my family was thinking of moving back. She told me to do whatever we had to do, so we moved. My daughter has moved away from us, and back again since then. To me, it seems normal, and hasn't affected our relationships.

One thing I've noticed with families is that the ones that are geographically the closest are not always the emotionally closest, and some are so up in each other's daily business that there is constant drama. Especially nowadays, keeping in contact is so easy that physical distance isn't what it used to be.
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Old 12-04-2018, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,580 posts, read 17,553,447 times
Reputation: 27640
Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235 View Post
I'm actually the kid lol... i posed the question because i'm 31 and debating moving to another state (NY to FL). But I know how upset my parents would be. And on top of that, my parents don't like to fly, so they would never fly down to see me. It would be different if i was 2-3 hours away, but NY to FL is quite a hike. I just wanted to ask here to see the perspective of people who actually have adult children who have moved far away.

I know people do it all the time, but i don't know, it just doesn't seem right.
I was in your shoes a few years ago.

I'm from Tennessee, but couldn't find a decent job here after college. I ended up moving to Iowa, then to Indiana.

My family didn't like either place, but I liked Indiana. I didn't care for Iowa. I'm back in Tennessee now. I was likely going to be fired from my position in Indiana, and a job opened up in my hometown. It was the best move at the time, but it's just an OK place to live.

You have to move to where you're happy. I've come to terms with the fact that, at 61, my parents are set in their ways and will likely not live anywhere else. I'm not that happy here. Fortunately, I'm an hour away from a city in NC that I like and spend my weekends in.
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Old 12-04-2018, 02:43 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,856 posts, read 14,364,134 times
Reputation: 30722
All our three moved away after college. Two of them moved to the PNW. Since that is where our grands are, we moved here in 2012. Until we were able to sell our house, we flew twice a year to the PNW and several times to TX, where other kid lived. One of the worst things about flying home in the winter was searching for our car in the late evening in the long term parking lot or garage. It was always freezing! So I don’t miss that, for sure.

We never gave our kids grief for moving away. We were just happy they found jobs.

I love living the PNW. And there is virtually no chance my kids will move. So I am happy to know that I am here for life. We adore our grands. We really lucked out with our kids-in-law too.

To the OP—there is a train running the length of the East Coast?
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