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Old 12-13-2018, 01:31 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,540 posts, read 3,660,304 times
Reputation: 19568

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Quote:
Originally Posted by coschristi View Post
! So I really want to avoid offending them by stereotyping but surely; nobody has missed some of the back-slapping/high-fiving "Shouldn't have had any kids!" attitude that is directed at parents here. All. The. Time..
Oh, I know exactly how they feel because they go on the parenting boards all the time to lecture all the parents know what a "mistake" it was for us to have kids. There are probably more CF posting on the parenting boards than actual parents. I can only wonder about that.

The fact is there are problems with all kinds of relationships, not just the parent-child one. A CF person could very well wind up becoming the caregiver of an aging parent for many long, hard years. So there goes the carefree lifestyle, out the window.
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Old 12-13-2018, 01:34 PM
 
7,801 posts, read 4,391,333 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sand&Salt View Post
But how are these European families caring for elderly with dementia? That is often more than the family member can handle. And are the wives not working? I asked our translator here how big a problem it is here where families are multi-generational, and she said diabetes is the problem, not dementia. So I thought it is more of a first-world issue.

I looked it up and was alarmed to see this chart:

https://www.alz.co.uk/research/statistics
Maybe AD isn't being ridiculously over-diagnosed there as it is here?
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Old 12-13-2018, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,784 posts, read 4,838,667 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Oh, I know exactly how they feel because they go on the parenting boards all the time to lecture all the parents know what a "mistake" it was for us to have kids. There are probably more CF posting on the parenting boards than actual parents. I can only wonder about that.

The fact is there are problems with all kinds of relationships, not just the parent-child one. A CF person could very well wind up becoming the caregiver of an aging parent for many long, hard years. So there goes the carefree lifestyle, out the window.
Very true. I am CF by choice. I was my mother's caregiver for the last 3 years of her life when I was in my in my early 40s, and then my MIL's for the last 5 years in my 50's. Why?? Of course because they're my family and I love them, but most importantly because as the only one that was CF, I was the default caregiver for my mom. My sibs were MUCH too busy with their kids (who were all adults by that time) and their jobs. Never mind that I had my own job and my own home to take care of, and that I lived the FURTHEST from my mom. I was the choice because it was presumed that I was more available. Really it was laziness on my older sibs part. Honestly if I didn't do it, she would have been at the mercy of the state. How soon my siblings forgot how hard she worked to support them as a single mom. As for my MIL, DH (her son) was very active in caregiving, but it was left to me to handle all her bills, Medicare stuff, and all of her medical/dental appointments, and pretty much anything else that involved paperwork, as well as managing her issues with the AL facility and staff when we ended up placing her after she became too confused to leave at home for even a few minutes unattended.

I was never CF to enjoy a "carefree" lifestyle. I simply felt that there were plenty of children in the world already, and if I chose to have one I'd adopt one already here and in need. I also felt that I could not financially give a child the life that I would want them to have. Because, to me, having a child isn't about meeting my own desires, but providing love and care to a child who needs it.
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Old 12-13-2018, 02:37 PM
 
7,801 posts, read 4,391,333 times
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Indeed; in my experience, those who have children can be as (or more) selfish -- and motivated by selfish reasons -- as the CF people.
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Old 12-13-2018, 03:08 PM
 
11,134 posts, read 8,544,282 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
I think you and charlygal are talking about two different senior age tiers.

The three seniors profiled in the article are 66, 68 and 69. To coin a phrase, they are young seniors. Your parents are 87 and 92.
Exactly. I actually don't plan on living to 87 or 92. After age 75, I will begin making other arrangements like living in a NH.
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Old 12-13-2018, 03:55 PM
 
13,319 posts, read 25,565,364 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coschristi View Post
I'm not that poster but I can understand why she said that. Specific to this forum; it's not so much an action as it is a reaction.

... So I really want to avoid offending them by stereotyping but surely; nobody has missed some of the back-slapping/high-fiving "Shouldn't have had any kids!" attitude that is directed at parents here. All. The. Time.
...
Can't say I've noticed this attitude *on this forum*,never mind all the time, and I tend to read threads that discuss the parenting choice. Now, elsewhere, it's an open field for snark (I mean not on forums). I honestly don't remember posters sneering at parents who have an unfortunate story or feelings. Would this be in relation to not having enough money in retirement? I really don't remember seeing such things, and they likely don't serve much purpose on a discussion forum like this
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Old 12-13-2018, 03:57 PM
 
13,319 posts, read 25,565,364 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
The problem of aging alone isn't just loneliness. It has to do with health care and meeting basic needs if one is too sick or infirm to meet those needs on their own. If someone has serious health care issues then it can be difficult to live alone.
Yes, for sure. I did think this thread was strictly about the above issues and not about "being lonely," and I'm sure other people have said that it is possible to be lonely in relationship or family.

There is no good answer for dementia care, be it familial or hired if adequate income or placement. It's a whole different thing than, say, needing groceries delivered or help with household repairs.
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Old 12-13-2018, 03:59 PM
 
13,319 posts, read 25,565,364 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Oh, I know exactly how they feel because they go on the parenting boards all the time to lecture all the parents know what a "mistake" it was for us to have kids. There are probably more CF posting on the parenting boards than actual parents. I can only wonder about that.
...
Surely you don't mean the parenting forum on C-D? I have never seen that kind of nonsense from CFs or from me there. Are there parenting boards all over the place? I guess I forget that there's more to digital life than C-D or Facebook or the New York Times comments.
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Old 12-13-2018, 04:12 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 12 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,540 posts, read 3,660,304 times
Reputation: 19568
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
Surely you don't mean the parenting forum on C-D? I have never seen that kind of nonsense from CFs or from me there.
Probably over half the people who post on parenting on CD are people who don't have kids who want to interject their opinion on parenting issues. I'm familiar with quite a few of the posters and no, they don't have kids but they won't always admit that in their posts. Even worse are the ones who have no kids who post on the "special needs children" section of the parenting board. As if not having kids somehow gives them a special perspective on how to parent children with autism or other disabilities.

Last edited by PriscillaVanilla; 12-13-2018 at 04:23 PM..
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Old 12-13-2018, 04:25 PM
 
13,319 posts, read 25,565,364 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
Probably over half the people who post on parenting on CD are people who don't have kids who want to interject their opinion on parenting issues. I'm familiar with quite a few of the posters and no, they don't have kids but they won't always admit that in their posts. Even worse are the ones who have no kids who post on the "special needs children" section of the parenting board. As if not having kids somehow gives them a special perspective on how to parent children with autism or other disabilities.

Oh, I had no idea. They should be kicked off if they're being uncivil or snarky about special needs kids.
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