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Old 12-14-2018, 09:38 AM
 
Location: SoCal
13,235 posts, read 6,335,450 times
Reputation: 9854

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Quote:
Originally Posted by SportyandMisty View Post
We used to live in Cupertino, CA, home to Apple. Cupertino is an affluent community, with over 60% Asian, most of whom are Asian-American and ethnically Chinese. Most moms & dads were born & educated in China, and came to the USA to pursue advanced degrees (EE, ME, ChemE, Physics, Materials Science, etc) and stayed to pursue their careers in High Tech.

The typical household had Mom & Dad, both ESL, both with PhDs, their kids born in the USA, and elderly Grandma or both Grandma & Grandpa (neither of whom read or speak English). All under the same roof. Grandma & Grandpa ensure the kids learn Mandarin and learn Chinese culture. Most street signs and retail signs are in both in English and in Chinese, as are most restaurant menus, etc.
I remember working near Cupertino, the Chinese food was particularly good. I walked into a tea house and felt transformed into a different world.
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Old 12-14-2018, 09:42 AM
 
349 posts, read 379,620 times
Reputation: 428
Burgeoning divorce and seperation rates because everyone's blinded by the idea that they can do better/constantly chasing "perfection"/FOMO (fear of missing out). This, of course, is usually a fantasy.
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Old 12-14-2018, 10:43 AM
 
Location: equator
3,443 posts, read 1,535,055 times
Reputation: 8562
Quote:
Originally Posted by Electrician4you View Post
Lots of people can’t be bothered so they put mom and dad in a nursing home where “they will get the help they need”. Basically be forgotten.
There is really no reason to be alone. Old doesn’t mean yoy can’t have a girlfriend or companionship.
After my grandma passed, my grandpa met the 2nd love of his life at 94 in the rest home. They got married. I guess it's never too late! My dad said "Maybe now I'll get that sister I always wanted". (the local news covered it, LOL)
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Old 12-14-2018, 10:46 AM
 
6,504 posts, read 4,082,513 times
Reputation: 16818
Quote:
Originally Posted by SportyandMisty View Post
The typical household had Mom & Dad, both ESL, both with PhDs, their kids born in the USA, and elderly Grandma or both Grandma & Grandpa (neither of whom read or speak English). All under the same roof. Grandma & Grandpa ensure the kids learn Mandarin and learn Chinese culture. Most street signs and retail signs are in both in English and in Chinese, as are most restaurant menus, etc.
The question is will the US-born kids have Mom & Dad living in their house when they eventually marry and have kids. Maybe? Maybe not? Kids raised in the US can get weird ideas about independence.
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Old 12-14-2018, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,672,920 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatesKat View Post
Holey moley, I never thought I would meet someone else married to such a man. For our son's sake I tried to endure in the same kind of marriage you had. After 10 years it was either I leave or lose my sanity. I left.....
Ten years for me too. But no kids. I got custody of the cats. Literally. It was in the divorce decree.
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Old 12-14-2018, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,672,920 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by Electrician4you View Post
Lots of people can’t be bothered so they put mom and dad in a nursing home where “they will get the help they need”. Basically be forgotten.
There is really no reason to be alone. Old doesn’t mean yoy can’t have a girlfriend or companionship.
The other side of the coin is that it's not always a matter of the family being bothered. Have you ever tried giving someone "the help they need" with Alzheimer's Disease at home? Mom or dad with a very serious illness like that is better off in a facility were they can be taken care of by professionals.
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Old 12-14-2018, 01:29 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,235 posts, read 6,335,450 times
Reputation: 9854
Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot View Post
The question is will the US-born kids have Mom & Dad living in their house when they eventually marry and have kids. Maybe? Maybe not? Kids raised in the US can get weird ideas about independence.
My coworkers in the Bay Area told me they bought houses across the street from their families. So that’s how they solve the problem of living together multiple generation in one household. It’s now a block.
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Old 12-14-2018, 01:32 PM
 
13,320 posts, read 25,569,771 times
Reputation: 20505
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatesKat View Post
Holey moley, I never thought I would meet someone else married to such a man. For our son's sake I tried to endure in the same kind of marriage you had. After 10 years it was either I leave or lose my sanity. I left.....
I have a friend of 65 whose second marriage is to such a man, who has a lot of money. They sit and he watches TV and she does puzzles on the iPad. No conversation reported.

I'd hang myself.
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Old 12-14-2018, 01:34 PM
 
13,320 posts, read 25,569,771 times
Reputation: 20505
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
The other side of the coin is that it's not always a matter of the family being bothered. Have you ever tried giving someone "the help they need" with Alzheimer's Disease at home? Mom or dad with a very serious illness like that is better off in a facility were they can be taken care of by professionals.
I have been one of those professionals and I concur. There is no way to keep a person with dementia home unless you treat the situation like having an infant that can never be left alone. And as I've told people (usually women), "the first time he punches you, it'll break your heart).

There is nothing wrong with having a person with dementia in a safe facility. One can visit and advocate as much as possible.
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Old 12-14-2018, 02:09 PM
 
203 posts, read 75,094 times
Reputation: 951
Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
I have been one of those professionals and I concur. There is no way to keep a person with dementia home unless you treat the situation like having an infant that can never be left alone. And as I've told people (usually women), "the first time he punches you, it'll break your heart).

There is nothing wrong with having a person with dementia in a safe facility. One can visit and advocate as much as possible.
Both my parents had dementia. My sister and I figured that even if we both quit our jobs we still could not provide the care needed. It was 24/7 supervision required. You have to live it to understand it.
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