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Old 12-16-2018, 09:36 AM
 
6,504 posts, read 4,085,618 times
Reputation: 16818

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Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
I'm not looking for sympathy. It's one of life's obligations and tons of people eventually live it. I'm trying to do the reality check on someone who thinks visiting a parent in assisted living for a few days every couple of months is going to end well. You can put it on autopilot for a while but you eventually get the phone call where the ALF informs you they can't keep them unless you shell out huge money for constant 1-on-1. And you eventually face the time when they decay to the point where the ALF ejecting them to the ER is a fairly frequent thing. Unless you feed them enormous piles of money, that's not their business dealing with that level of issue. Doing it from a long distance eventually is no longer viable for many/most people.
If and when the time comes that my dad (since I'm the one that you're trying to give the "reality check" to) needs nursing care, we'll move him to nursing care. Did you think we hadn't thought of that? Thanks for your concern, though.

By the way, Dad is in good health at age 94 and doesn't have dementia, other than the mild forgetfulness most older people get. He has poor balance and needs a walker, and has very poor eyesight. He needs some help dressing and bathing. He also has a certain heart condition which, according to his physician, means that he will most likely die in his sleep some time between tonight and 2-3 years from now. Of course, other things could happen before that does.

As you know, many people don't have adult children who are with them all the time or a few minutes away, or even have children. Very strange that you are insisting that our family "can't" help care for Dad at a distance, when you won't have any family to care for you at all and yet you are somehow expecting to manage in your old age, while criticizing us for doing the best we can.

Last edited by saibot; 12-16-2018 at 09:47 AM..
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Old 12-16-2018, 09:39 AM
 
20,581 posts, read 16,645,141 times
Reputation: 38657
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
Actually, it is possible but people in 2018 don't want 1950s lean living. A family of four used to live in 1000 square foot houses. One TV with an antenna. A telephone. The library for books. A very inexpensive food budget. The kids with hand-me-down clothes. The family vacation was a tent in a state or national park somewhere. Restaurant pretty much never happened. A very basic used car.


In 2018, that is considered to be poverty level. In 1960, that was middle class.
It’s not the case. My father was able to buy a suburban home where my brother and I had our own bedrooms (early 60’s) via the GI bill, and was able to support us with my mom at home, on a department store appliance saleman’s salary. We didn’t have hand me downs. We even went to Burger Chef once or twice a month. My mom used a diaper service.

That lifestyle would not be possible in that job today. That job today would pay $10 an hour with $600 a month taken out for family health benefits. They could live in a studio apartment with a crib in the closet and watch antennae tv and mom would still need to work full time in order to pay basic monthly bills.I don’t know anyone who grew up in a 1000 square foot house with hand me downs in the 60’s btw, maybe the 30’s.

People love to believe for some reason that the economy today is the same, that the only difference between then and now is poor decisions made by people, it’s just not the case.

Last edited by ocnjgirl; 12-16-2018 at 10:12 AM..
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Old 12-16-2018, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
9,813 posts, read 5,488,557 times
Reputation: 8383
Quote:
Originally Posted by BugsyPal View Post
No, as other poster mentioned "paid companions". Equally "no", we're not speaking about escorts. *LOL*

Since about the Victorian age (maybe sooner) older wealthy women (and some men) hired "paid companions" who acted as a cross between private secretary and confidante.

These young or middle aged women were usually from the same class or maybe just one below their employers but in "reduced" circumstances. For an educated and respectable young upper or middle class girl being a paid companion offered an entry into a world they otherwise wouldn't experience. Travel (both in US and abroad), concerts, parties, and in general running with the social set.

If you've seen the film Rebecca, then you've seen a paid companion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-seTYixNf0
It may go further than that, if one thinks about it for.......what is Race Bannon in the 60s of "Johnny Quest" (and not the explanation later) or for that matter, the associates of "Doctor Who"?

Or an Aide de Camp (to some degree)?

As far as escorts and cats go, a thing or two. I have acted as an escort for others.......an escort as in an escort destroyer.

Melas and her sister sorted of adopted me by escorting Mom's dog when I took her out on walks. That is one way of looking at it....they might have been stalking us, too!

And finally, Mom was always worried that such would be the reason for me suddenly going silent.......that I had tripped over a cat. Kara wasn't around for Mom but nevertheless, she loves to run between my walking legs.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
Actually, it is possible but people in 2018 don't want 1950s lean living. A family of four used to live in 1000 square foot houses. One TV with an antenna. A telephone. The library for books. A very inexpensive food budget. The kids with hand-me-down clothes. The family vacation was a tent in a state or national park somewhere. Restaurant pretty much never happened. A very basic used car.

In 2018, that is considered to be poverty level. In 1960, that was middle class.
I actually get a kick out of this, especially the part of "The family vacation was a tent in a state or national park somewhere"......because now for me, that is standard operating procedure 1-3 times a year. Is it a vacation for me? Well, in part, for often it does clear the mind and soul.

Further, as it is, I am using some of the gear the family used for trips to Big Bend way back then; I was the sibling to inherit such as the one most likely to use it. Use it for camping, use it to support day trips somewhere.

Thinking about it, maybe it is a different approach to things. That is, how America lived in suburbia of the 50s has now shifted to the rural standpoint and suburbia has shifted to the high tech city.

A telephone? Okay, have that in a land line where even back in the 50s, one could find homes without telephones. We once had a house on Hilton Head and in the 60s, there was no phone out there. In those early days, calls were taken for you at the Inn or the Sea Pines office and then a messenger was sent out to you.

There is no TV, as it is known, out here. I could get satellite, I suppose, or get a converter and hoist a mast, but I decide not to for two main reasons. FIRST OF ALL, those methods are no where cheap as TV was in the 50s. One way or another, face it, TV technology is not what it was back then, it is not cheap as in free. Secondly, I am trying to experience TV as I did when I was a child, when the stations overseas only transmitted 2-3 hours a day. Hence, a library designed to supply "that need".

"That need". Hard to say of whether or not TV is actually needed. Watching an episode of, say, "The Love Boat" may relax me enough that I don't want that belt of whiskey that I craved after work.Watching some classic Dr. Who may allow me to transpose myself into, say, Peri and live her life for a while. (stated apart as oppose to part of the city-rural argument)

The book bit is rather a complex one. I remember in the 60s being at my Mother's parents house and while they didn't have many books there, the bookmobile would park in their driveway. Having a lot of books back then was a rariety; now with Friends of the Library sales, discounts at 1/2 Price, other book sales, I'm drowning in them......and at a question where to put them all.

Where does it fit into the analysis? I don't know except.....when I was young, there weren't many. Weekly Reader library sales were something I starved for. In some places, the library was always opened but in another, just for 4 hours a week. Now that I know of various ways to buy very cheap, I am overload.

Hard to say on the food budget. If I lived in the city, I would be leaning to going out and getting what I wanted when I wanted. This, however, has the problem of producing comfort food eating which isn't that great. Living out in the country, I tend to stock pile a lot and do it on that stuff which is economical across the board, from beans to brisket. Living almost 10 miles from the nearest food store of any kind, I do not readily budge unless I have a reason to do so. So this weekend as in many weekends, I come home on Friday and don't leave again till it is time to go to work on Monday.

I can't talk about house size for I am a glutton for square footage. As far as clothes go......you know what an advantage of always wearing boots (I never step off the foundation unless I am in boots) is?

You don't have to worry about your socks matching.

Last edited by TamaraSavannah; 12-16-2018 at 10:52 AM..
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Old 12-16-2018, 10:59 AM
 
12,300 posts, read 15,202,635 times
Reputation: 8108
Quote:
Originally Posted by ocnjgirl View Post
Itís not the case. My father was able to buy a suburban home where my brother and I had our own bedrooms (early 60ís) via the GI bill, and was able to support us with my mom at home, on a department store appliance salemanís salary. We didnít have hand me downs. We even went to Burger Chef once or twice a month. My mom used a diaper service.

That lifestyle would not be possible in that job today. That job today would pay $10 an hour with $600 a month taken out for family health benefits. They could live in a studio apartment with a crib in the closet and watch antennae tv and mom would still need to work full time in order to pay basic monthly bills.I donít know anyone who grew up in a 1000 square foot house with hand me downs in the 60ís btw, maybe the 30ís.

People love to believe for some reason that the economy today is the same, that the only difference between then and now is poor decisions made by people, itís just not the case.
At least mobile phone service is cheaper. It used to cost $1000 to put a phone in your car, plus $35 a month for the privilege of having the number. If you actually wanted to make a call, those were $1 each.
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Old 12-16-2018, 11:08 AM
 
Location: RVA
2,167 posts, read 1,267,777 times
Reputation: 4465
I grew up in the 60s (through 12 years old, in 1970.) with my 4 younger siblings in a 3bedroom 1000 sq ft house in Westchester county, NY. Only my father worked. I have his old tax returns from then. He made $7000/yr as a carpenter that worked for a builder. We had one TV, 1 phone, diaper service, milk delivered, and 3 of us went to Parochial School. No AC, just fans in the summer. Vacation was a day at the beach at Harbor Island in Mamaroneck. We went to the Worlds Fair when it was in NY near Buffalo. That was a huge trip. Only overnight vacation ever up to that point. Most of my friends and family were in similar situations. It was perfectly normal and better than some of my friends. So yeah, expectations and the econmy have changed. A lot. Definitely for the better. An appliance sales job has not kept up with inflation, how many are there even out there? Many others have, and some far surpass it.
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Old 12-16-2018, 11:19 AM
 
20,581 posts, read 16,645,141 times
Reputation: 38657
Quote:
Originally Posted by pvande55 View Post
At least mobile phone service is cheaper. It used to cost $1000 to put a phone in your car, plus $35 a month for the privilege of having the number. If you actually wanted to make a call, those were $1 each.
My grandmother and everyone else in those times, had to rent our two land line phones, she rented them for decades. I donít think there was ever a time when the renting was over and you owned it! Also back then a tv probably cost a months salary, while now itís a small fraction of that. People like to use having multiple TVs as a comparison to how much more entitled we are then our parents, but the reality is three TVs today are still a lower percentage of salary than one was then.
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Old 12-16-2018, 11:26 AM
 
20,581 posts, read 16,645,141 times
Reputation: 38657
Quote:
Originally Posted by TamaraSavannah View Post
It may go further than that, if one thinks about it for.......what is Race Bannon in the 60s of "Johnny Quest" (and not the explanation later) or for that matter, the associates of "Doctor Who"?

Or an Aide de Camp (to some degree)?

As far as escorts and cats go, a thing or two. I have acted as an escort for others.......an escort as in an escort destroyer.

Melas and her sister sorted of adopted me by escorting Mom's dog when I took her out on walks. That is one way of looking at it....they might have been stalking us, too!

And finally, Mom was always worried that such would be the reason for me suddenly going silent.......that I had tripped over a cat. Kara wasn't around for Mom but nevertheless, she loves to run between my walking legs.



I actually get a kick out of this, especially the part of "The family vacation was a tent in a state or national park somewhere"......because now for me, that is standard operating procedure 1-3 times a year. Is it a vacation for me? Well, in part, for often it does clear the mind and soul.

Further, as it is, I am using some of the gear the family used for trips to Big Bend way back then; I was the sibling to inherit such as the one most likely to use it. Use it for camping, use it to support day trips somewhere.

Thinking about it, maybe it is a different approach to things. That is, how America lived in suburbia of the 50s has now shifted to the rural standpoint and suburbia has shifted to the high tech city.

A telephone? Okay, have that in a land line where even back in the 50s, one could find homes without telephones. We once had a house on Hilton Head and in the 60s, there was no phone out there. In those early days, calls were taken for you at the Inn or the Sea Pines office and then a messenger was sent out to you.

There is no TV, as it is known, out here. I could get satellite, I suppose, or get a converter and hoist a mast, but I decide not to for two main reasons. FIRST OF ALL, those methods are no where cheap as TV was in the 50s. One way or another, face it, TV technology is not what it was back then, it is not cheap as in free. Secondly, I am trying to experience TV as I did when I was a child, when the stations overseas only transmitted 2-3 hours a day. Hence, a library designed to supply "that need".

"That need". Hard to say of whether or not TV is actually needed. Watching an episode of, say, "The Love Boat" may relax me enough that I don't want that belt of whiskey that I craved after work.Watching some classic Dr. Who may allow me to transpose myself into, say, Peri and live her life for a while. (stated apart as oppose to part of the city-rural argument)

The book bit is rather a complex one. I remember in the 60s being at my Mother's parents house and while they didn't have many books there, the bookmobile would park in their driveway. Having a lot of books back then was a rariety; now with Friends of the Library sales, discounts at 1/2 Price, other book sales, I'm drowning in them......and at a question where to put them all.

Where does it fit into the analysis? I don't know except.....when I was young, there weren't many. Weekly Reader library sales were something I starved for. In some places, the library was always opened but in another, just for 4 hours a week. Now that I know of various ways to buy very cheap, I am overload.

Hard to say on the food budget. If I lived in the city, I would be leaning to going out and getting what I wanted when I wanted. This, however, has the problem of producing comfort food eating which isn't that great. Living out in the country, I tend to stock pile a lot and do it on that stuff which is economical across the board, from beans to brisket. Living almost 10 miles from the nearest food store of any kind, I do not readily budge unless I have a reason to do so. So this weekend as in many weekends, I come home on Friday and don't leave again till it is time to go to work on Monday.

I can't talk about house size for I am a glutton for square footage. As far as clothes go......you know what an advantage of always wearing boots (I never step off the foundation unless I am in boots) is?

You don't have to worry about your socks matching.
My grandfather had two floor to ceiling bookcases filled with hardback books. I used to sit and look at them all the time, especially the books from Life magazine, cause of course the photos were incredible. I still remember a few, like the photo of the Hindenburg hitting the tower. In elementary school in the late 60’s and early 70’s, the bookmobile came once a year, and our parents gave us s few dollars for books. I loved the little tiny ones, teeny versions of classics like Snow White. I also had a ton of Little Golden books.
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Old 12-16-2018, 12:32 PM
 
5,430 posts, read 3,452,633 times
Reputation: 13714
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post

Most issues can be mitigated with proper planning. Geesh, I'm only 49 and I'm already browsing nursing homes and memory care units in case I need them in the future. Looking at costs, private pay vs LTCi, etc.

I'm a city girl so I have hospitals, doctors, shopping, etc all within a few miles. I'm buying a house and I'll get a ranch to avoid issues with stairs.

I also plan to get a geriatric care manager to help assist with my planning.

Good planning helps alleviate most of the fear of aging.
And all women should acquire marketable skills so that they can financially support themselves, whatever their circumstances happen to be. That can include on-the-job training where possible, if education to acquire marketable skills beyond high school is not obtainable.

Being a woman without marketable skills is just not responsible - all women (and men) need to take responsibility for being able to financially support themselves - and for women, it's been that way since the late 1960's and early 1970's. (I don't want to debate that particular point, as it's been debated previously)
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Old 12-16-2018, 12:53 PM
 
11,134 posts, read 8,548,081 times
Reputation: 28124
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Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
And all women should acquire marketable skills so that they can financially support themselves, whatever their circumstances happen to be. That can include on-the-job training where possible, if education to acquire marketable skills beyond high school is not obtainable.

Being a woman without marketable skills is just not responsible - all women (and men) need to take responsibility for being able to financially support themselves - and for women, it's been that way since the late 1960's and early 1970's. (I don't want to debate that particular point, as it's been debated previously)
I completely agree. Everyone needs the skills and ability to take care of themselves.
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Old 12-16-2018, 02:10 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,587 posts, read 17,582,380 times
Reputation: 27677
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
Actually, it is possible but people in 2018 don't want 1950s lean living. A family of four used to live in 1000 square foot houses. One TV with an antenna. A telephone. The library for books. A very inexpensive food budget. The kids with hand-me-down clothes. The family vacation was a tent in a state or national park somewhere. Restaurant pretty much never happened. A very basic used car.


In 2018, that is considered to be poverty level. In 1960, that was middle class.
Yep, itís absolutely possible. You can find a small, postwar house in the city limits in my hometown for under $100k. Yes, incomes are low here, but a couple doesnít need a large income to make the mortgage on such a house. They arenít fancy homes but they can be fixed up and are economical.
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