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Old 12-22-2018, 06:18 PM
Location: Texas Hill Country
9,801 posts, read 5,476,447 times
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Originally Posted by silibran View Post
These are excellent points. People want to age in place; I know do! But if we live long enough, we will need assistance, and not planning for this can make for difficult last years. Even though at 62, someone can go up and down stairs with ease, at 72 joints and muscles are probably protesting. And at 82, going up or down stairs can be terrifying as well as difficult.

I donít know how the article defined alone. But most elders have some family. If there is alienation or if there really is no family, then aging in place becomes harder.

I also agree that moving to a rural area is probably not a good long term plan. As we age, we need more medical services, which will be harder to get in a rural area. But most importantly, we need the support of our younger family members. It is really hard to be old and alone.

I don't know for there are other calculations at play.

The ranch in the Texas Hill Country is in the calculations should be the family be blown off the Texas Coast by hurricanes, should wild fires force a horse evacuation. Well, maybe on the latter for unfortunately, the family member in that calculation died this year.

Nevertheless, a ranch is there for potential bug out calculations......even if they may "starve" due to lack of internet.
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Old 12-22-2018, 07:31 PM
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,185 posts, read 1,340,059 times
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Originally Posted by LauraC View Post
The people responsible for such things should have had the personal/home assistance robots and perfected self-driving cars ready to go when the baby boomers began to hit Medicare age. It's not like they didn't know the senior population boom was coming. In addition, they could have made a fortune for themselves. No need to take the car keys away and seniors could go anywhere they want - like to visit friends (who probably are the same age they are) and relatives, to doctor appointments, shopping if they are able or want to and even take a vacation. Who would mind aging alone if they could get out to see people like they did in their 40s?

I'm surprised that the Japanese or China didn't have these ready to go already. According to the book, "What to Expect When No One is Expecting," by Jonathan V Last:

"Chinaís population will get very old and then rapidly contract. By 2050, one out of every 4 of its citizens will be over the age of 65. The United Nations projects that by the year 2100, Poland will have lost one-quarter of its population. Japan will be half its current size by the end of the century. In Japan, people buy more adult diapers than diapers for babies. In Italy, there are already more deaths than births every year. Thirty years ago, Iranís fertility rate was 6.5. Two generations later it has rapidly declined to 1.88."

The book is about contracting populations as people choose to have less kids or no kids but as you can see, other countries are also dealing with aging populations. I do not know, if in other countries, generations of families still live under one roof like they did 30 - 40 years ago.
Maybe traffic problems and overcrowding in stores will diminish after the oldsters die off
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Old 12-22-2018, 08:13 PM
533 posts, read 249,160 times
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Originally Posted by charlygal View Post

You may not know who is there with you. You are essentially dying alone as you may not have awareness.
As a nurse, I took care of many dying patients over the years. Even the most lucid appeared to turn inward and close out their surroundings and the people around them.

I often think this wanting to be present at the moment of death is something that the families want for themselves---or something they feel they're supposed to do ---rather than sending off their family member with loving words. The dying person is beyond hearing loving words at that point. The time to act in a loving way is before it gets to the point of death.
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Old 12-22-2018, 08:50 PM
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,185 posts, read 1,340,059 times
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Originally Posted by ersatz View Post
It worked for me and I have neither FB nor a WSJ subscription. Usually, as other posters recommended, you can Google the article title or a line of text.

Do you have a public library card? Many public libraries have online access to various resources as SportyandMisty pointed out. Access to the PROQUEST database is pretty standard for urban libraries (Iím not sure about very rural areas with more limited budgets.) Logging into PROQUEST with your library card gives you access to the articles for many major newspapers, including WSJ, NYT, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Barronís, Christian Science Monitor, Financial Times, etc. Thanks to the library, I can look up cited articles from home or work.

Not at all. It used to be common for better off elderly women to hire younger women or take in impoverished younger relatives to live/travel with them as Ladyís Companions. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lady%27s_companion

For those who live alone and like it that way, or for family members who worry about an aged relative far away, charlygal made a great suggestion about hiring a Geriatric Care Manager.
That's what I need... a Lady's Companion. But I don't have any impoverished younger relatives. And it wouldn't do much for the young woman's future career.
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Old 12-23-2018, 07:52 AM
13,314 posts, read 25,546,272 times
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Originally Posted by BugsyPal View Post
Sadly in many cases aging alone often means dying that way as well.
I think the whole "died surrounded by ..." is overstated.
Those of us who live alone might die alone. Why is that so sad?
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Old 12-23-2018, 08:46 AM
659 posts, read 351,726 times
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I had an uncle that had a big, closely-knit family who were all intent on being there when he drew his last. Despite all their efforts, the one time that he had been left alone in his room and the nurse had briefly walked out to get something - this is when he died. I can't help but think that he chose this minute to pass. Despite all this caring family always around him (except for these last few minutes), he died alone - something no one ever thought would happen. I've heard of this kind of thing over and over. I do tend to agree that being surrounded by family/friends is a thing that is more meaningful for those left behind than it is for the one passing over.

Though they lament this happening, I think it is much more important that he had this loving, supportive family all his life, rather than just being there at the last moment of life. I always thought him a very lucky man, though I'm sure he was key in creating that kind of family dynamic rather than just dumb luck. To me, how many people surrounded him at the point of death was a minor detail compared to the rich and full life that he had created with his family in the living years.
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Old 12-23-2018, 10:21 AM
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I worked in an AIDS hospice for two years in the early 1990s. Now, that is an illness that usually had the person declining into themselves and becoming unconscious. But I had to tell one person after another that it was okay to go home or go rest or use the bathroom, that what mattered was the whole time, not one possible second. I saw no rhyme or reason to how or when people died. Maybe it's the fear of death from the living or maybe some religious thing about "where they're going" or I don't know.

I know I've already prepared my speech to maybe a hospice housekeeper or whomever might be there when I die, not to find me pathetic for "being alone." We are all so.
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Old 12-23-2018, 12:03 PM
Location: Central NY
4,654 posts, read 3,237,575 times
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For those of us who believe in Jesus know that we will not die alone.
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Old 12-23-2018, 09:44 PM
Location: plano
6,565 posts, read 8,094,240 times
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Go to church and get a dog.

Spouse and I are independent and retired now with no children. We spend our time at home or walking the dogs. The dogs are entertaining and like us everyday expecting nothing but food and some attention.

We have church friends to call if we need help for something spiraducally.

Once we need full time health plan on moving to Costa Rica where lie I help costs about the same person month as a day in assisted living here.i will be living in my place and have a live in cook and a nurse or two or three. Provide them a place to stay so they are near.

I'm friendly and ire outgoing than my spouse but don't need a regular friend to see if ten to be happy. We moved slot for work to different towns and states so adjusting on our own with a church to find those with common values worked great.

I suspect the decline in religion interests is part if the growing lonliness along with more tech interested than with other humans

Oh and by the way type of dog may matter too.
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Old 12-23-2018, 10:19 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 6 days ago)
Location: Texas
9,445 posts, read 3,634,340 times
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Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
I don't get the issue with nursing homes. There are some great facilities out there.
How much time have you spent in them? I've worked in several. They're pretty awful. They also stink really bad. There is the stench of all the adult diapers being changed on the hallways and many homes do little to control the odor. There are also people in various stages of dementia which can make it harder for the other residents to find company or someone to talk to. There are also contagious diseases that spread around in these places, C-Dif, for example, is a common one that spreads in nursing homes. Assisted living facilities are slightly better but not always. Nursing homes are not an ideal place to live out the remainder of one's life no matter how nice they might initially seem.
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