U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
 
Old 12-12-2018, 12:38 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,817 posts, read 1,832,844 times
Reputation: 10701

Advertisements

I think one of the problems is that people live too long thanks to medical interventions. If we just left life and death to nature, there would not be such terrible burdens on (mainly) women to care for infirm, often ungrateful, others.

I don't think elderly people should trump the happiness of everyone else.

Saying all of that - I managed the care of my parents for years and years - and was glad to do it - but after around 10 years, it started taking a toll on my health, and I had no one that would return the favor for me (and I would NEVER want to be a burden on anyone else).

I read recently that you can will yourself to die and I hope that is true (I believe suicide is murder with extreme negative spiritual repercussions).
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 12-12-2018, 12:38 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,769 posts, read 4,827,803 times
Reputation: 19395
Quote:
Originally Posted by marino760 View Post
This is why, especially at almost being 60, I have no interest in a long term relationship or trying to find a partner. Speaking for myself, the pluses now in my life being on my own outweigh the minuses.
I once had a girlfriend who thought every moment outside of work had to involve her. I really needed some time to be alone at some point and told her I would like to spend a few hours on Saturday not doing anything and being by myself. She had a fit and held it against me for the remainder of our relationship.
For me, that would have been a very short relationship. LOL... I have always needed my "me time" and I would expect not to have to explain that to anyone I was dating/in a relationship with. Everyone needs some time to decompress and be alone with their thoughts or hobbies.

I can be a bit of a loner, and I'm very happy in just my own company, but not 100% of the time. I do like interaction with friends and family, but not 24/7. My DH and I each have our hobbies, and make a point of doing both things together, and giving each other space and free time. He doesn't really enjoy as much travel as I do, so I am free to travel with others or on my own as I please, and I don't interfere with his hobbies, etc.

Someday one of us will be alone, and we'll be fine. We were alone when we met, so we'll just go back to that. I don't want that to happen, but I'm a realist.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-12-2018, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,769 posts, read 4,827,803 times
Reputation: 19395
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aredhel View Post
The big deal (as that article discusses) is that a lot of people don't realize the importance of having flesh-and-blood friends nearby (not just online friends) until a crisis happens. Or if they do, they don't know how to build up a working social network (particularly if they aren't religious and therefore don't go to church). The extreme mobility and emphasis on independence that our society promotes is very destructive to forming lasting social relationships.
This is a good place to mention that many 55+ communities serve just this purpose...to build a network of friends who can help out in an emergency, whom you can talk to and socialize with, whom you have more in common with than random aged communities where most people work all day and have children and other family obligations to handle after work and on weekends.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-12-2018, 12:58 PM
 
1,635 posts, read 561,428 times
Reputation: 3094
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbieHere View Post
The lady in our bridge club is American, possibly Jewish, because she’s from Long Island.

Ouch, LOL, I can see that a geo-stereotype needs gentle correcting here.

I'm a lifelong Long Islander and believe me when I say that, stupid reality shows notwithstanding, the majority of our population is not Jewish. There are certain towns here that are predominately Jewish: Great Neck, Kings Point, Plainview, Woodmere, Hewlett, Oceanside, Lawrence, and Cedarhurst, as well as Dix Hills. But once outside of those particular communities (and there about 200 communities/villages/towns on Long Island, give or take a few) we are pretty evenly mixed.

Just as an example, the last town I lived in (population about 28,000 within a six square mile radius which is more or less average depending on the town) had about 20 houses on our block. If memory serves -- and we're talking early 1970s into the 1990s -- the 'descent' of the various families was German (2), Italian (9), Irish (3), Polish (1), British (2), Jewish (2), Korean (1.)

Conversely there are some towns that are noted for their overwhelmingly WASP (not meaning that as a pejorative, I'm descended from such myself) population, particularly the "Gold Coast" north shore towns of Locust Valley, Glen Cove, Old Westbury, Brookville, etc. Towns that include one of the big university medical centers tend to have a large Asian population reflecting the demographics of the school (students and teachers) and also the medical professionals at the hospital. Stony Brook is a good example of this.

All just to point out that being from Long Island doesn't necessarily mean that someone is likely to be Jewish. During the 1960s-1980s it's true that many people from the predominately Jewish communities tended to be "snowbirds" and have condos etc in Florida, but in recent decades it's become equally common for others as well. My ex-BIL/SIL have had a Florida condo for years; he's Irish and she's Italian. They bought it because all her brothers and sisters had already bought one and they were the only holdouts, LOL
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-12-2018, 12:58 PM
 
7,795 posts, read 4,383,926 times
Reputation: 11588
We're born alone; we die alone. Might as well also live alone!
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-12-2018, 12:59 PM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
7,311 posts, read 4,151,370 times
Reputation: 18284
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
This actually happened:

My MIL had one of the LifeAlert buttons. She wasn't supposed to do this but she went out on her porch one morning to retrieve the newspaper. It was icy. Her walker went one way, she went the other and when she landed she broke her hip.

She had been keeping the LifeAlert lanyard looped around the walker crossbar, so she couldn't reach it. She lay there in freezing temps until someone drove by, saw her and called 911.

Very unfunny.
One of the older people mentioned in the WSJ story fell when his bum knee gave out while carrying groceries into his house. He wasn't carrying an alert button, and I guess he fell in such a way that he couldn't be seen from the street. He lay there for DAYS. No one heard his calls for help. When he was finally rescued, he was suffering from exposure and severe dehydration and very close to death, but he made it. Now he wears an alert button on his wrist and also carries a cell phone.

How was he found? A friend whom he talked to regularly became concerned when she hadn't heard from him in several days, so she called the police and asked them to do a wellness check. Absent that friend, the man in the WSJ story would have died (and he wasn't all that old, either, only 68).

Technology's great, but it's an adjunct to having caring people in your life, not a substitute for them.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-12-2018, 01:03 PM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
7,311 posts, read 4,151,370 times
Reputation: 18284
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
This is a good place to mention that many 55+ communities serve just this purpose...to build a network of friends who can help out in an emergency, whom you can talk to and socialize with, whom you have more in common with than random aged communities where most people work all day and have children and other family obligations to handle after work and on weekends.
Absolutely! Most typical suburbs are all but deserted during most of the day, when the majority of the residents are off either at work or at school. A senior who lives in one (especially if they can no longer drive) could end up feeling very lonely and isolated unless they really worked hard to avoid that.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-12-2018, 01:04 PM
 
36 posts, read 11,571 times
Reputation: 86
He should get the new Apple Watch 4, it can detect a fall and call for help even if you pass out!
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-12-2018, 01:18 PM
 
6,615 posts, read 3,742,110 times
Reputation: 13667
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Warning - paywall.

https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-lon...ne-11544541134

Here's a new article from the WSJ about "aging alone." What do you pin that on? Late in life divorce? Lack of support from children/not having children? Widowed? How do you plan for aging alone or do you not anticipate it?
I am aging alone, as I figured I would be. So I planned for it. If you want to call it planning.

Most women end up alone, since men have a shorter life span. If more of both genders are aging alone, it could be for any reason. Maybe women don't HAVE to stay w/spouses they don't like, like they did in years past, because they're more financially independent. There are more divorces these days, so maybe that's it? Even if you have kids, you are still aging alone, aren't you, if you don't live with them? So I doubt the reason is lack of kids.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 12-12-2018, 01:21 PM
 
Location: The Outer Limits
1,461 posts, read 1,812,751 times
Reputation: 2391
My wife and I aren’t far apart in age, been snowed in since Saturday, she prolly won’t be able to get off our mountain until the weekend, I have a couple of med appointments next week, otherwise I could hangout on our property until the cows come home, she likes to get out and shop, I could care less, up here in Jessie Gap one can only hear their breath and see/enjoy raw nature...the way I like it!

Being 70, I must consider how long can I maintain my lifestyle, there’s lots of work maintaining our homestead, doesn’t bother me now, but...
The main concern is the fact that I don’t have longevity on my side, my wife told me she would move out West close to her siblings if I die before her, then asks what will I do?
I truly don’t know, we have a couple of kids 1,000miles away, I don’t want to land in their pocket, unfortunately we’re on different tracks.

I’ll have to get back to this thread someday.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top