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Sorry you are between the rock and the hard place. Maybe not my place to say, but if his employer is not willing to consider any accommodations to keep him on, he may not be as valuable to his employer as he wants to believe. In this full-employment environment for skilled positions, employers are bending over backwards to keep people they want. His employer may actually be looking for ways to "encourage" his retirement or leaving. Agree with so many others that have posted that you need to do what you need to do with what is left with your time. We don't get unlimited time to live and enjoy our lives. Best of luck.
I work in IT. Unless you're in some sort of R&D network role, most network engineers have terrible hours. They have to pull at least forty hours during the standard business week, and there is always sort of change or maintenance that has to be done after hours when most of the users are away.
I don't know why anyone wouldn't want out of the IT lifestyle. It's just a miserable way to earn a living IMO.
I have hobbies and interests. I work to support those hobbies and interests. I damn sure do not live to work.
The guy is a network engineer, pilot and an amateur radio enthusiast. Codes for the fun of it. Owns his own airplane. But he can't think of anything to do in retirement. Wants ME to tell him what to do once retired.
fluffy,
I assume you did not tell your husband to become a pilot and an amateur radio enthusiast. If he had found those hobbies while working, I have no doubt that he would find other hobbies in retirement.
If I am not mistaken, your second home in Arizona is in a big city so your husband should not have any problems to continue flying and playing with ham radio.
Since he owns a plane, there are so many beautiful places to explore on the air. He can join a type plane owner group and join other pilots in fly-ins trips. He can also volunteer to fly charitable missions transporting animals or people in needs
If he had not done so, I highly recommend him joining AOPA and EAA. Both organizations have many fly-ins. EAA also offer great opportunity for local volunteering.
Civil Air Patrol is also another avenue to volunteer.
I am certain that your husband will find things to do in Arizona in retirement. It's difficult to change and to adjust. Some can do it quicker than others. From what I have seen, your husband has made quite a few of major steps such as agreeing to relocate, buying a home and to answer "NO" to the work question on whether to stay more than a year.
I think that with subsequent frequent visits and stays in Arizona, your husband will find new connections, new avenues there and will be more comfortable with the idea or retirement and life style changes.
A man needs to feel productive ,retirement does not have to be an end but a beginning, filling a need somewhere else or where one is already at .
There are things I cannot do like I did as a kid and it's getting worse . one day of weed whacking and the next two days doing nothing, recovering from the work.
I had when a bit younger realized that I needed lift equipment especially as I got older so I built lift equipment on every thing applicable and it has paid off big .
I work at a different pace, but this forces me to better my memory one day to the next this is important in so many ways.
My brother does visitation for his church and this gives him purpose and value and makes a difference in the lives of those around him.
If there is a club or group you are some what connected with do a get together , sometime hams have meetings and get togethers you might get into so he can transition from work friends to ham friends .
I also thought this problem had been resolved. When you talked about the house in AZ, problems with the floor, etc., I thought you were well on your way to your new life.
It seems to be a control problem. You are both trying to control the other. Like two dogs, one on the other end of a rope, pull, pull, pull. No one wins and there is a lot of frustration.
I am not sure, but you are both somewhere in your 60s? Both full grown adults?
How much of your life is being enjoyed in your current life with your husband in the Bay area? If something happened to him and for some reason you couldn't move to AZ, then what? A miserable life in the area you don't like anymore living alone.
It's not just your husband's future. It's YOUR future too. He is being very selfish. I think there are many people with abandonment issues (I'm one of them), but at his current age, he either needs to suffer alone or get some help. My issues hit hard when I divorced and I had to learn to overcome and live with them.
Do you have a fear of being alone? You mention your concern about not being able to walk much in a few years. Are you depending on him to help with that?
I certainly don't think I have any good comments that could help you with your situation. All I know is I waited a long, very long time to get the courage to do something I wanted to do. Now at almost 77, and with increasing eye problems, my vision for my future life has had to change. Take control of your own life. In the end we are all responsible for ourselves.
There are many improvements in the appliances we can use to help us walk, etc. Walkers that convert into seats. Even walkers where you stand erect to use them.
OK Fluffy, get hubby a pet so he can come home to "someone". Do your thing. Go to Arizona and enjoy time there. When you do this maybe he will start taking time off from work and go with you. I'm sure he must have vacation time. And then maybe he'll get the idea........If not, enjoy your time there.
Get him involved with the local ham radio clubs also. The local QRP group is especially fun if he loves to 'melt solder'.
Or, tell him to purchase a nice Elecraft radio as a retirement gift. That should be a huge incentive because their radios are simply wonderful instruments which he can build.
Maybe he can think of the Arizona house as a "vacation house." He would still work, but take longer and longer vacations there, until he finally does reach a time when he realizes he wants to be there permanently.
As an extra incentive, during this time you'd be living in Arizona permanently. Tell him you're not abandoning him, you're just there to take care of the house and have it in good repair when he comes out for vacation.
After you move in, try to find out some local groups that your husband might enjoy while he's "on vacation." A local men's breakfast group. A ham radio group. Whatever might interest him. The beauty of going to these things is the other men in the group will soon convince him he's missing out by just vacationing there when he could be there full time.
Sometimes a new friend or even a total stranger can convince you to do something even when a spouse can't.
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