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Old 03-30-2019, 11:14 AM
 
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
1,912 posts, read 3,216,706 times
Reputation: 3148

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JUST DO IT...do not sell your dream home. Hay...lol..I live in my dream home so I understand...if you have to...tell him you are going for 1 day...then tell him furniture didn't arrive...a little white fib in your situation IMO seems perfectly acceptable. Or...furniture arrived, there is a the tiny defect...lol...must wait for repair. Then ahhhhhhh...put your feet up, take a few deep breathes and ENJOY we'll get you thru this!

 
Old 03-30-2019, 12:10 PM
 
Location: Central NY
5,946 posts, read 5,098,041 times
Reputation: 16881
Fluffy, one question.
What are you afraid of?
 
Old 03-30-2019, 12:22 PM
 
1,433 posts, read 1,057,615 times
Reputation: 3748
Quote:
Originally Posted by JBtwinz View Post
Well now that I see he is 68, it is getting time for him to stop and smell the roses!
Yep....at that age getting closer to pushing up the daisies so stopping to smell the roses as often as possible and appreciating it should be the obvious choice.

And, he's 68 and has abandonment issues??? No offense OP but that sounds like a excuse/crutch he uses to retain power over or manipulate thing his way and guilt you into living on his terms. You'd think by that age he would have toughened up and not play the "mommy & daddy didn't love me" card. (I'm sure some bleeding heart armchair psychoanalysts will respond blabbing about the seriousness of such issues, blah blah blah but at some point a man (esp. by that age) needs to man up and get over it and not act like a whiny little boy).
 
Old 03-30-2019, 12:47 PM
 
Location: SoCal
20,160 posts, read 12,710,192 times
Reputation: 16993
I think they both play each other, not in a good way of course, aka manipulation.
 
Old 03-30-2019, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Redwood City, CA
15,246 posts, read 12,886,159 times
Reputation: 54028
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
Fluffy, one question.
What are you afraid of?
Being lulled into complacency by promises that will never be kept.

You ever hear the IBM salesman joke?

Three women sit discussing their husbands.

"My husband's a wrestler," said the first. "He's really strong and aggressive in bed."
"My husband's an artist," said the second. "He's really gentle and sensitive."
"My husband's an IBM salesman," said the third. "He sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how good it's going to be when I finally get it."
 
Old 03-30-2019, 01:42 PM
 
Location: Central NY
5,946 posts, read 5,098,041 times
Reputation: 16881
Fluffy, you are ALREADY lulled by promises that will never be kept.
You are an intelligent woman who is experiencing fear (other than what you imply). Have you ever talked to a therapist? I've talked to a few over the years and they really do help you. It's not a bad thing, and no one (except maybe you) judges you for seeing one. You are locked into a situation that will not end until you DO something. Your husband is already doing his thing. Stopping you from doing yours.

Please, unlock that door!


Also..... at 68...... issues of abandonment...... bull****.
 
Old 03-30-2019, 01:44 PM
 
8,238 posts, read 6,556,352 times
Reputation: 23140
Quote:
Originally Posted by luckyram View Post

Yep....at that age getting closer to pushing up the daisies so stopping to smell the roses as often as possible and appreciating it should be the obvious choice.
Isn't that the TRUTH! Life can be very short at this age. Stop being in denial about what is impending - if one is.

(yes, some will live to 85 or 90, but certainly not all, and plenty of people die in their late 70's)

I wouldn't have brought this topic up, as I'm tired of all the MANY threads on death and death related topics on Retirement Forum, but since you brought it up luckyram in your post above, I wanted to affirm it, for decision-making purposes about when to retire and for enjoying life while one has it!
 
Old 03-30-2019, 02:01 PM
 
1,433 posts, read 1,057,615 times
Reputation: 3748
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
Being lulled into complacency by promises that will never be kept.

You ever hear the IBM salesman joke?

Three women sit discussing their husbands.

"My husband's a wrestler," said the first. "He's really strong and aggressive in bed."
"My husband's an artist," said the second. "He's really gentle and sensitive."
"My husband's an IBM salesman," said the third. "He sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how good it's going to be when I finally get it."

Haha...Add to that:

"My husband's a dentist....he must be a great one because when we're doing it I don't feel a thing"
 
Old 03-30-2019, 02:04 PM
 
Location: Williamsburg, VA
3,550 posts, read 3,098,694 times
Reputation: 10433
I agree that talking with a therapist would be a smart move before making a major move like this. Just for the sake of being sure you're in touch with your reasons for doing things, and the reasons behind those reasons.
 
Old 03-30-2019, 02:52 PM
 
4,712 posts, read 4,385,920 times
Reputation: 8446
I read this thread earlier this morning, and now just came back to see it. I wasn't sure what I thought initially, but your comments about his not wanting you to have anyone to talk to (don't post on forum etc ) and that you say he manipulates or stretches the truth------------well then I think I would suggest you go to your happy place. Then I just saw your post that you will leave -- I say good for you.
No need to "leave him" divorce wise but I would definitely head there to your new beautiful home. If he really is going to retire at the end of the year, great. You should have the best of both worlds. Both locations for now, a good income, a partner and freedom to do what works for you.
Good luck fluffy!!
You have my blessings!
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