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It may be different depending on where you live. When my mom died, you should have seen how many women stopped by my dad's place to "share sympathy". It's not like my dad was super wealthy or anything, either. He was a good husband to my mom, and a nice man, which may be what made him attractive to so many of these ladies. Who knows? At first we thought it was sweet, that he had nice neighbors. But it didn't take long to realize what these ladies were all about. After the first few my dad wouldn't even answer the door anymore. He had us kids shoo them away.
Some brought food, others suggested "why don't we go out to lunch." What surprised me the most was how many didn't even know my dad beyond knowing he was a member of their church. After awhile I started asking about it, and found out this was a common occurrence in his community. "Some want the nurse, some want the purse" is how they put it.
Yes, this situation is very true. My friend finally got rid of some vultures by casually commented she was the POA for her dad and, as an accountant, he wanted her to oversee every penny of his money. Seriously, their constant casseroles (which he would not eat on his restricted diet anyway) abruptly ended.
My own widowed mother had a visitor from church who moaned and groaned during visits about her personal financial troubles and that of her family. The visitor knew my parents had been generous supporters and were very financially comfortable. Luckily my mother was sharp enough to tell us about it and that ended. There are people everywhere who seek out the vulnerable elderly. Really pathetic.
It is a tough decision, I had plenty of kids not to make sure I had a nurse maid when I got old I wanted a large family. I happily worked and supported them provided a nice warm comfortable home for all of them to grow up in. Sure some times were tough but we never had to hit the street. With all that said I would like to think they would assist me if I needed it. I mean they help me now if I need it. A couple of my sons moved me into my new house and they had to drive 500 miles to do it.
All I ask is my sons speak for up me (they will) when I start talking all crazy and cannot make my correct decision. As far as physical needs I still kind of like that other guys idea about the Philippines, maybe find a nice older nurse that is looking for security and a dirty old man, hehehehehehehe a win win for both of us.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
4,375 posts, read 4,069,460 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal
No one is arguing. This is discussion.
I haven't even mentioned the fact that multiple people keep mentioning Filipina women. We would have to consider the role of women in that culture and the power dynamics. But that's a discussion for another thread.
Indeed, I would not want to do that to someone. Those people sound sexist/misogynist, probably racist as well.
In my city of Adelaide, a full 25% of all households are single person.
That statistic is at least 5 years old. Almost certainly higher today, as the largest demographic, that of baby boomers, has begun to age.
This is a statistic which bothers government, a lot, on purely economic grounds. That figure translates to a large number of socially isolated older men, especially.
It is my Federal government's policy to keep people in their own homes for as long as possible. This not because people tend to be happier and live longer, but because it's cheaper than paying a subsidy to an age care facility .
To that end, the government has its own programmes, and subsidises many not-for-profit organisations.
Up to about 3 years ago, I was reclusive, often seeing no one apart from shop keepers, for months on end.
The process is a long story. Suffice to say that I joined a local mens group, run by a church charity. There are many such groups all over the city. Some are run by charities, some by local government.
My group is held at a local community centre. There are 8 of us ranging in age from 58 to 86. We meet every two weeks. We often have speakers on interesting topics (such as wills, and insurance, eye and hearing tests) and have regular outings .Last month we had a guided tour through the city's brand new sports stadium. It was fascinating.Lunch is always available at the community centre. I pay $3 for a 3 course lunch.
That's all great, but it was also a catalyst for other interests; I took up art classes and have become friends with a couple of the guys who still have most of their marbles. (Yes, we do have a facilitator and 2 minders if we go out ,in a minivan).
Now, of course I'm aware this information will bore most people stupid. It's not them I'm aiming at. I'm aiming at older men living alone, who may be a bit isolated. I recommend this and similar programmes. I suggest it might be worth your while to have a look at what's available where you live. Perhaps go online.
Yes, this situation is very true. My friend finally got rid of some vultures by casually commented she was the POA for her dad and, as an accountant, he wanted her to oversee every penny of his money. Seriously, their constant casseroles (which he would not eat on his restricted diet anyway) abruptly ended.
My own widowed mother had a visitor from church who moaned and groaned during visits about her personal financial troubles and that of her family. The visitor knew my parents had been generous supporters and were very financially comfortable. Luckily my mother was sharp enough to tell us about it and that ended. There are people everywhere who seek out the vulnerable elderly. Really pathetic.
Its not just about the money. Your social life, contacts etc. go down substantially when you are not coupled. Its worse for women. People who have been coupled generally want to be coupled again.
I would like to think we can cobble together our own bits of community as we age, even without family. I don't play bridge, but bridge players seem to be onto something with how dedicated they are about getting together to play. The same with sports like pickleball, masters swimming, and gym classes. The activities give structure, engagement, and social interaction/friendships.
When I arrive at the old-old stage, I hope to have had templates for living by learning how others managed and tapping into their resources. Some communities have better support systems and awareness of the needs of older people (in Arizona, specifically).
We are the fastest growing demographic and businesses are starting to pay attention. The tools are evolving. Everyone should have and know how to use a smartphone as it is a conduit for transportation, care, food, monitoring, and disaster alerts. If a six-year-old child can use one, so can an older person. I taught my mother in her 90's.
Its not just about the money. Your social life, contacts etc. go down substantially when you are not coupled. Its worse for women. People who have been coupled generally want to be coupled again.
That’s what my SIL found out. I bet if she knew the situation is like this she probably wouldn’t divorce her husband.
I would like to think we can cobble together our own bits of community as we age, even without family. I don't play bridge, but bridge players seem to be onto something with how dedicated they are about getting together to play. The same with sports like pickleball, masters swimming, and gym classes. The activities give structure, engagement, and social interaction/friendships.
When I arrive at the old-old stage, I hope to have had templates for living by learning how others managed and tapping into their resources. Some communities have better support systems and awareness of the needs of older people (in Arizona, specifically).
We are the fastest growing demographic and businesses are starting to pay attention. The tools are evolving. Everyone should have and know how to use a smartphone as it is a conduit for transportation, care, food, monitoring, and disaster alerts. If a six-year-old child can use one, so can an older person. I taught my mother in her 90's.
The senior community center is a great place, there are tons of activities there. I’ve interacted with the same people for two years. Two persons have since died, but the young seniors there did take care and visited her. She even had free ride from them to her cancer treatment. I understand she has kids but the younger seniors helped her too.
People should focus on forming friendships even in their older years. I see elderly people every day, at coffee shops, Dunkin Donuts, libraries, just wandering around looking for someone to talk to. It's sad. Some go to the same place every day, sit and wait for someone to come along and talk to them. Sometimes it can be hard to exit the conversation with them. Sometimes it's better to avoid these places altogether if you're busy or don't have time to talk. It's very sad.
There are lots of stories on this forum of retirees that never see their adult children or those that have been willingly burdened with becoming baby sitters for their adult children's kids. !
Many older people these days are raising their grandchildren, so their adult kids can focus on their careers and get free childcare services. But it seems unfair to the grandparents, since they already raised their kids themselves and now they have to be "forever" parents and can't enjoy freedom in their retirement years. Some grandparents even pay for their grandchildren's education (private school, college, etc) and then wind up broke in their old age, with only security security to live on.
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