Adult children are costing many parents their retirement savings (spouses, depression, graduate)
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Their money their rules. You are free to enroll and pay the full fee without any disclosures. There are those who do. If a person can’t then they follow the application rules or no cigar.
I'm seeing this right now in my family. A couple who are at the age where they should be closely managing their finances for retirement are instead supporting their grown son, who has never had a job, thinks the world should support him, and states that working for a living wastes your life away, and he won't do that to his life. He regularly sleeps his days away in his parents' basement, spending his time on social media. He racked up almost 4 years in student loans, then dropped out, saying it's too stressful for him.
I have no idea how he got the idea that the world owes him a living, but his parents are footing the bill for him. They both have always been hard workers and have done well for themselves, but this grown "kid" is eating at their foundation.
This worthless grown kid will never support his parents later in life. He refuses to even support himself.
Yeah, but you don't know what his mental health issues are. He could be lazy or very ill.
Originally Posted by MI-Roger View Post
Just wait, it gets even crazier than that!
Our youngest enrolled in Medical School as a "Non-traditional Student" at age 32. There is a special FAFSA form used for Med School, and possibly for Law School too. His Medical School FAFSA REQUIRED my financial information, even though he had been 100% financially self-supporting since graduating from college 10 years previous!
The FAFSA is not a loan application but is used to indicate the amount of family financial support the student may enjoy. What pre-retirement or retired adult is capable of supplying the cost of Med School without jeopardizing their own future?
We paid for our kids undergraduate degrees. Graduate degrees are up to them. Thankfully, unlike med school, graduate degree fafsa did not required our financial information or for us to sign. It was solely based on my child's financial information which is pretty much penniless. He didn't receive financial aid but he is getting government loans.
Quote:
Originally Posted by parentologist View Post
they're not an adult on the fafsa until they are 24. And colleges and grad schools may still want parent info, even when an adult goes back to school! They want to know what the family's financial situation is, so that they can focus aid on people who come from very poor families, even if the students are way past the usual age for school.
I know families who refused to do the fafsa. Their children were up the creek because they had a real need but couldn't apply. I think a young adult has to live on their own without any parental support for one full year before they can apply on their own.
#1 Why is it some parents have the belief they owe their child a college education? I just don't get it.
If you can pay for it then pay for it but it is not owed... after graduation from high school they are ADULTS and can pay their own way which includes college.
Signing a student loan? Are you nuts? As I understand it a federally insured student loan is one of the very, very few things the government can take from your social security benefit which is crazy.
I was a real hard ass in raising my kids. I paid for college because I was able to but before I did they had to clear their major with me and convince me they could earn a free and independent living with their degree so once graduated I would no longer have any reason to support them.
Upon graduation from high school I purchased them a new car with the understanding that as long as they were in college FULL TIME without any breaks I would pay the monthly payment, the insurance and give them a gas credit card with the full understanding that if they quit school, or even took a "break", the car would be totally their responsibility. I would get my gas credit card back, stop insurance payments and if they couldn't make the car payments I would sell the car from under them.
They knew their dad over the years and they knew what I said I meant... there was no misunderstanding.
Like I said I was a real hard ass and meant every word I said.
Upon graduation from college I would sign the car over to them.... basically they would leave college with very little debt and a fully paid for reasonably new car.
A little college debt... I made them take a $1,250 loan for every semester so they would leave college with a $10,000 debt because I wanted them to have skin in the game. Poor babies!
They had jobs before they graduated but the rule was they had 30 days after graduation to find a job and be out of the house. I raised my children to be independent and that meant not living at home.
Why would a parent jeopardize their retirement for their blood sucking kids is beyond me. The secret here is to raise your kids not to be blood suckers by laying out all the rules early, clearly, repeat often and always mean exactly what you say and back it up. Never an empty threat.
If you are a dad you are not their best friend. Kids will have best friends their entire lives but they have only one dad so act like it.
These kinds of articles really tick me off because it isn't the kids it's the stupid parents that made them that way!
You did all the right things but you sound angry. How is your relationship with you adult kids today?
See, what that daughter needs to learn is that you are entitled to nothing in this life, and if she wants a college education then she'll have to (a) take out the loans in addition to getting a full-time job and go to school part-time or (b) delay going to college for a few years so that she can work and save for it.
So many parents are doing a great disservice to their kids these days.
How does this work? A high school graduate takes a minimum wage job and saves $100,000 for her education over a few years? "The weekly take-home pay for a 40-hour-a-week minimum-wage employee, after Social Security and Medicare taxes. That adds up to $13,926.38 per year, or just over $1,150 per month. The commonly cited minimum wage annual salary for a 40-hour-a-week worker is $15,080 — before taxes." Seven years later, she could start college - if she doesn't need money for clothing, food, gas or car repairs in the meantime. Also IF she is hired full time. Most minimum wage aren't full time, because then companies have to provide benefits.
Minimum wage jobs have sporadic work schedules. Workers are on call at the employers whim. It would be hard to schedule around classes. Especially when her availability would change with every new four month term.
With private colleges charging $60,000 a year and public colleges charging $20,000, students are depended upon parents because the federal government and college require parents to be involved.
When I went my college was less than $5,000 per year, same college is $60,000. It's crazy! Puts parents and students in a crazy no-win position.
Great post! It's a different world today. I was an orphan. My husband, a refugee. We married young (20s) in the 1970s but were working putting ourselves thru university so we didn't have children. I had only one child 15 years later, a girl. We homeschooled her when we realized that we'd have to choose either private gradeschool & highschool in Chicago OR university, not both. She's an architect today. Six years of school, five of those out of state because it was cheaper to send her out of state than go here. In a few months she will have been working one year. And she is living at home. It cost us close to $200,000 for her MArch and that was at a relatively inexpensive state school.
Rents are out of control in the city. Try $1600 for a Studio apartment. And as a young Architect working towards the license she's not earning a big salary. The kiddo takes the L (elevated train) every day. She brings her lunch. This week she's working 12 hour days. DH will pick her up tonight from the office because the train isn't safe late at night. We live just 5 miles from the job. Sure she could take a cab or Uber but why pay and who knows who is driving? She pays all of her own bills, car insurance, (she just helped pay off her car), health and dental, etc. She pays a percentage of the house costs. And she's saving everything else. She has no student loans because we paid for it all and she maintained a high grade point which gave her a tuition reduction worth over $50,000. I always remind her that THAT was her contribution for school because we didn't have that money and she would have had to take loans. Not every kid at home is a slacker. The AVERAGE Millennial will pay over $192,000 in RENT in ten years before they will be able to buy! Our kid is determined to have a fully funded emergency fund. When she's eligible for the 401k she knows she'll have to max it out if she doesn't want to eat dog food when SHE retires. DH and I are "old" parents. Hubs will be 66 this June and hopes to retire in February next year. Every family is different. When it comes to salary and benefits today it is a race to the bottom. Most kids, even with college educations, work gig jobs that are dead end. If you're not in a technical field with a specialty it's hard. It's a Different World than "back in the day." Today young people are competing against the WORLD for a job..
Then get out of the city. That is not what it costs in 90% of the geographical rest of the country.
I am one of those millennials that worked my way through college and left with just a minor ($8K) in debt. Now at 32 my only debt is my mortgage. My 401K is maxed out. I never took one dime from my parents, even though they offered. It can be done and I am far from alone.
Then get out of the city. That is not what it costs in 90% of the geographical rest of the country.
I am one of those millennials that worked my way through college and left with just a minor ($8K) in debt. Now at 32 my only debt is my mortgage. My 401K is maxed out. I never took one dime from my parents, even though they offered. It can be done and I am far from alone.
Fifteen or so years ago college costs were not nearly as crazy. Try being 18 now and doing the same.
Your generosity should be in direct proportion to your children's maturity and thriftiness.
Even then, in general parents should not be paying for their children's college educations unless they can truly afford it. Say no more than 15% of your annual income assuming that you are otherwise solvent.
In the past, paying your children's college education was for genuinely wealthy people, not for everyone. In my family, we found ways to pay our way through school.
Then get out of the city. That is not what it costs in 90% of the geographical rest of the country.
I am one of those millennials that worked my way through college and left with just a minor ($8K) in debt. Now at 32 my only debt is my mortgage. My 401K is maxed out. I never took one dime from my parents, even though they offered. It can be done and I am far from alone.
Good for you. I'm a Boomer and my brother and I did exactly the same thing.
Yeah, but you don't know what his mental health issues are. He could be lazy or very ill.
I do know - he's lazy and irresponsible, but he blames everything on "the system." The system holds us down, you know, but the system won't hold him down, he's too smart for that.
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