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Old 05-20-2019, 12:53 PM
 
Location: La Jolla
315 posts, read 158,414 times
Reputation: 570

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We have not done this with our two daughters, but neither one is at the stage of life yet where they are looking at buying a house. We did pay for both of their undergraduate college educations.

If we are in a position to help them we probably will, but if they stay here in SoCal there is no way we could give them 20% for a down payment even on a townhome as that would be $100K each! We will help with weddings when the time comes, but we are not funding an extravagant $50K affair.

Each family has to decide if they want to help adult children and it's not my place to judge anyone's decision. "Not my circus, not my monkeys!"
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Old 05-20-2019, 12:54 PM
 
2,074 posts, read 703,003 times
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My parents paid for my college education and it was very important for me to pay that forward with DS. I could afford it because he was my only child and I had a good job (because of my own education!). We also gave him a fairly old, un-glamorous car when he graduated college (Nissan Altima, maybe 8 years old) because we wanted to replace it.

Other than that he hasn't asked for a dime except last year when he and DDIL moved from the starter house he bought as a bachelor to a bigger one, now that they had 2 kids and a 3rd on the way. He asked for $7-10K and offered to make it a loan but I just gave them $10K. I can afford it and they'd clearly done a very good analysis of what the new house would cost, both initial and ongoing, and they'd made a sensible choice.

Right now I'm working on 529s for the grandkids- DS and DDIL are good savers and very frugal but she's a SAHM so they can't put a lot away. I've also decided that anything my widowed Dad leaves to me (after I split it with my 4 siblings) won't be life-changing for me and will go straight into the 529 accounts. I told Dad that and he likes that idea.
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Old 05-20-2019, 01:00 PM
 
277 posts, read 149,516 times
Reputation: 1056
My in-laws are of your mindset, OP. They have given us somewhat large sums twice; once, because my husband's brother asked for money and they wanted to even it out, and last year to help us with the startup costs on our business. Both times they stated that they didn't see the point in sitting on money until they died when it could be helpful to their kids right now. They also bought my husband his first car. None of these gifts were expected, and we recognize what blessings they were and are very grateful. I hope that when my son is grown, we'll be in a position to help him in similar ways.
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Old 05-20-2019, 01:05 PM
 
3,937 posts, read 3,258,558 times
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Some people are fortunate enough to have extra money and children who seem to be a good investment risk. others have little money to give, and, children who seem to already know everything, so who needs college? Actually, it all depends on the kids and the parents, and neither scenario should become a "natural" path to follow.

My daughter didn't know what she wanted after high school, wandering through different jobs until the day she grew up and determined that no job is perfect, and, that having no job isn't a solution either.. I helped out in her later life with schooling and cars, house down payment etc, She's sailing in the blue water now, but that wasn't always the case.

I left home at seventeen and worked the next forty five years, but those were different times and different norms prevailed, today the country is no longer a welcome place for those who want to expedite the growing up process through personal experience. Higher education is a must, and no longer a luxury..
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Old 05-20-2019, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Asheville NC
1,602 posts, read 1,312,212 times
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We bought my son his first car at 16. We paid for college, and gave him a substantial cash gift for his wedding present. With that and a years savings he and his wife purchased their first home. They have now purchased a second home after renting the first one out. We still occasionally gift them money. They are doing very well financially, and have never asked for anything.
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Old 05-20-2019, 01:27 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,389 posts, read 9,134,430 times
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I keep reading these articles on how to screw up your retirement financially. One major point was giving your kids money. We decreased our retirement reserves by about 15%. Nothing to do with college. A word to the wise; unless you have money to burn let your kids find their own way. Like we all did back in the day.
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Old 05-20-2019, 02:01 PM
 
3,247 posts, read 844,077 times
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I will give, if I can. Not stingy here.

So much for generational wealth if the next is expected to start from square 1. I like to think if my (future) children wanted to move to a big city for their dream job, the economics of "buying in" to an area where average home is 7 times the average income, this would be a problem for a college graduate with even a 20% down payment.

Take care of the home, and the rest of the expenses become manageable. So what if they want to move, sell it. Can't sell? Rent it. Don't buy something in an area that was built in response to a housing boom. Life insurance for at least some windfall to circumvent inheritance taxes, plenty of giving long before my (estimated) passing but not in ways that just hand over large sums of money. Make sure it goes directly towards something and cannot be squandered.

At least, I think that's what the pattern is here.
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Old 05-20-2019, 02:28 PM
 
147 posts, read 73,295 times
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Same statement I made on paying for College. "My love is unconditional but my Money is not".

I'd consider helping a child with a down payment on the condition it's a house they can afford and they are not trying to live above their means. My gifts are "pay it forward" types, but the pay it forward implies you put yourself in a position to do so for your children. If I don't see that happening then No gifts or the gifts skip a generation (again with conditions). I also prefer to give gifts to people who don't ask for them or haven't built getting gifts into their "plan".
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Old 05-20-2019, 03:03 PM
 
2,074 posts, read 703,003 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr5150 View Post
I keep reading these articles on how to screw up your retirement financially. One major point was giving your kids money. We decreased our retirement reserves by about 15%. Nothing to do with college. A word to the wise; unless you have money to burn let your kids find their own way. Like we all did back in the day.
I wouldn't say I have money to burn although I HAVE booked a trip to the Galapagos in March! My top priority is not outliving my savings and since my net worth has increased by an average of 2.5%/year after withdrawals since I retired 5 years ago, I know that whatever I'm doing is sustainable. My parents also managed to put 5 of us through college and still save for their retirement, although I know college was more affordable in the 1970s.
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Old 05-20-2019, 03:25 PM
 
Location: In a daze
244 posts, read 218,645 times
Reputation: 918
Only one child. Divorced in my 30s, and had to start over with about $15K to my name. Worked two jobs, paid child support for many years (happy to do so), found someone else 10 years later, re-married. Paid for about half of my daughter’s college (6-year Pharm D degree). Paid for her wedding reception, and gave them a 10% down payment on their home.

Retired at 60, wife at 56, and we’ve been doing well for the past 7 years. Having all that money would have been nice, but, like my Australian friend once told me, “Coffins don’t have pockets.”
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