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Old 05-22-2019, 06:31 AM
 
4,069 posts, read 1,560,196 times
Reputation: 7411

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Quote:
Originally Posted by TuborgP View Post
Yup, many of us our proud of our kids accomplishments and the support we provided in helping them to get there! Hoping they pass it on to the grands and keep upper mobility going across future generations.
As they old line goes "does your elbow get sore from patting yourself on your back?"
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Old 05-22-2019, 07:17 AM
 
29,784 posts, read 34,880,403 times
Reputation: 11705
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buckeye77 View Post
As they old line goes "does your elbow get sore from patting yourself on your back?"
Nope, practice makes perfect. Just like some discuss their success in sports and other endeavors, others will pat themselves about what they consider important.
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Old 05-22-2019, 07:42 AM
 
4,069 posts, read 1,560,196 times
Reputation: 7411
Quote:
Originally Posted by TuborgP View Post
Nope, practice makes perfect. Just like some discuss their success in sports and other endeavors, others will pat themselves about what they consider important.
Well, okay then.
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Old 05-22-2019, 08:35 AM
 
Location: Winterpeg
882 posts, read 337,114 times
Reputation: 3706
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
Wow. The days when parents expected you to make it on your own are truly over.

The amount of enabling has to have a crippling effect on people.

I hope this subject is being studied.
My father comes from a long line of wealthy people. He rebelled and joined the military as a teenager. Trust me, no one in that family started from nothing, going back a couple of hundred years. My dad's family sailed through the Depression, when my dad was born. And not because parents didn't help the kids, that's for sure!

Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61nyc View Post
I never understand why parents helping their children at any age is so controversial.

My parents help me financially, emotionally and a few times physically until the day they died. The way I repaid their generosity was by being the best human being that I could.

I will do the same for my sons. Helping someone does not mean enabling them. Parents are quite capable of figuring out if a financial gift will do harm or good.

My kids got college tuition, I also gift my nieces and nephews. I am proud of the young adults they are turning into.

If I am able to contribute to helping them get their first home and it does not compromise my retirement I will be more than happy to do so.
Yes, exactly.

We let our dd live at home for free, and use a car, for her time in university. School isn't as horribly expensive in Canada, so she worked throughout and paid her own school costs. She graduates in a couple of weeks debt free. It cost us some, but we're happy to have done that.

My husband and my parents helped us out as well - my in-laws shared our inheritance in small chunks years ago when it was really really helpful. And my parents gave us 5% down on a cheap condo over 25 years ago that we have parlayed into a comfortable SF home.

A small hand up is not "enabling", it's being part of a family, IMO.
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Old 05-22-2019, 08:51 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,142 posts, read 54,613,656 times
Reputation: 66544
I helped out my daughter with a down payment on a car last year. She is working on her PhD with an assistantship, so her income is low, but she pays her own rent, etc.

She'd called and said she really needed a car because her 2000 Buick was dead and "Daddy said he'd give me $1K if you would give $1k, too."

Along the way, she worked in a Master's and so my ex and I were together for her graduation last week. I said to him, "So, did she call you about the car last year and say, 'Mommy said she'd give me $1K if you'd give $1k'..." and of course she did. We laughed our asses off. We split when she was eight, and she knows how to work us.

But, she's the only child either one of us has, and neither of us went to college, so we're OK with helping her out now and again. She's the only thing we did right in our marriage.
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Old 05-22-2019, 10:24 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia/South Jersey area
2,879 posts, read 1,407,237 times
Reputation: 10108
Quote:
Originally Posted by Buckeye77 View Post
6 pages of mostly humble brags...
lol, hey I'm not trying to be "humble". I'm not saying I'm better than anyone but yeah I'm ridiculously proud of my kids.

I never understand this sites thought process.

Saying you are starving and have no money saved is absolutely ok but god forbid you mention that you saved and lived beyond your means and are well off. then it's a "humble brag".

it's silly,

Say your kid is an addict and all kinds of positive responses. Say your kid is doing well then of course you are "patting yourself on the back unnecessarily"

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Old 05-22-2019, 11:01 AM
 
Location: Vancouver
12,691 posts, read 8,762,959 times
Reputation: 7313
Quote:
Originally Posted by bondaroo View Post
My father comes from a long line of wealthy people. He rebelled and joined the military as a teenager. Trust me, no one in that family started from nothing, going back a couple of hundred years. My dad's family sailed through the Depression, when my dad was born. And not because parents didn't help the kids, that's for sure!


Yes, exactly.

We let our dd live at home for free, and use a car, for her time in university. School isn't as horribly expensive in Canada, so she worked throughout and paid her own school costs. She graduates in a couple of weeks debt free. It cost us some, but we're happy to have done that.

My husband and my parents helped us out as well - my in-laws shared our inheritance in small chunks years ago when it was really really helpful. And my parents gave us 5% down on a cheap condo over 25 years ago that we have parlayed into a comfortable SF home.

A small hand up is not "enabling", it's being part of a family, IMO.
One thing to keep in mind, since you are in Canada, is that we don't have a gift tax or an inheritance tax.

You could give your children $100,000, and pay no tax.
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Old 05-22-2019, 12:36 PM
 
29,784 posts, read 34,880,403 times
Reputation: 11705
Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61nyc View Post
lol, hey I'm not trying to be "humble". I'm not saying I'm better than anyone but yeah I'm ridiculously proud of my kids.

I never understand this sites thought process.

Saying you are starving and have no money saved is absolutely ok but god forbid you mention that you saved and lived beyond your means and are well off. then it's a "humble brag".

it's silly,

Say your kid is an addict and all kinds of positive responses. Say your kid is doing well then of course you are "patting yourself on the back unnecessarily"

A super Bada Bing!

It wasn’t always like this here!
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Old 05-22-2019, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,679 posts, read 3,250,875 times
Reputation: 11982
Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61nyc View Post
lol, hey I'm not trying to be "humble". I'm not saying I'm better than anyone but yeah I'm ridiculously proud of my kids.

I never understand this sites thought process.

Saying you are starving and have no money saved is absolutely ok but god forbid you mention that you saved and lived beyond your means and are well off. then it's a "humble brag".

it's silly,

Say your kid is an addict and all kinds of positive responses. Say your kid is doing well then of course you are "patting yourself on the back unnecessarily"




I beg to differ in what you said about having problem kids and getting all kinds of support. Wherever did you, and another poster, ever get such a ridiculous idea?
It's well known, since I've written it a few times, that my son spent five years in prison for a terrible crime and I don't recall getting a lot of support for that.

Just try to be grateful that you do not have problems like this. I do and it will not go away. It is my reality.
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Old 05-22-2019, 01:04 PM
 
Location: SoCal
13,252 posts, read 6,345,210 times
Reputation: 9857
Quote:
Originally Posted by TuborgP View Post
A super Bada Bing!

It wasn’t always like this here!
I thought it was worse here before. Someone here was challenging me when I said my kid paid somebody $17 an hour, as if that’s an unbelievable rate. I now put the negative people on ignore list.
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