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Old 05-22-2019, 01:25 PM
 
29,775 posts, read 34,863,854 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbieHere View Post
I thought it was worse here before. Someone here was challenging me when I said my kid paid somebody $17 an hour, as if thatís an unbelievable rate. I now put the negative people on ignore list.
I was thinking a decade or more
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Old 05-22-2019, 01:36 PM
 
3,296 posts, read 850,592 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buckeye77 View Post
As they old line goes "does your elbow get sore from patting yourself on your back?"
It would be naive to think that such a thread, even by its title only, would not attract parents who are not only proud of their kids, but proud of what they've done for their kids.

There's a lot of horn tooting, sure. But I think we're finding out the answer to those times when we drive around and wonder "I wonder what THEY do for a living?"

"They" might not be doing anything special, "They" might have just been handed a debt-free start to life and are simply on par, income-wise, with their peers.
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Old 05-22-2019, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Venus
4,760 posts, read 3,192,317 times
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We helped the kids with their first home-gave them something towards their down payment. When my youngest step-daughter went to buy her first home, she didn't ask because she thought that her sister "took it all." We informed her that she would be getting the same amount as her sister.

However, when the "sister" bought another home, she asked for us to help. We "loaned" her a small amount but after a couple of years, we have yet to see her pay it back. I suspect she won't-unless we remind her.

Over the years, Hubby & I have been VERY generous with his kids (something I don't HAVE to but I do anyway), and we feel like they are don't appreciate or respect us. They only call when they want something. Hubby's sister gets more respect from them than we do. I have decided that I'm not going to be as generous as I have been.


Cat
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Old 05-23-2019, 12:16 AM
 
Location: Australia
900 posts, read 330,269 times
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We decided not to pay our kids university fees as we believed they would take their education more seriously if they had to pay themselves (which here is after they are working and earning a reasonable amount) At that time, years ago, their fees for their four year degrees were only about $US2000 and $US4000 so it was not a big deal.

We did not buy them cars but let them drive ours. We had mostly three cars for the four of us and they had to pay some of the costs.

We paid the legal costs of their investment properties and guaranteed the loans. Then paid for their weddings almost in full, including the costs of flying them home from overseas where they were working.
Then contributed a six figure sum to their first home purchase. Now help by doing some childcare and will be also passing on a portion of their grandparents estates when need be.

It is very difficult for young people in Sydney or Melbourne to buy homes without extra help because of the cost. But difficult to work elsewhere in quite a number of fields. What we did is fairly much the norm among the middle class and they still have to work long and hard.
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Old 05-23-2019, 12:59 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,561 posts, read 39,944,045 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarisaMay View Post
We decided not to pay our kids university fees as we believed they would take their education more seriously if they had to pay themselves ...
We did not buy them cars but let them drive ours. ...
...
It is very difficult for young people in Sydney or Melbourne to buy homes without extra help because of the cost. But difficult to work elsewhere in quite a number of fields. What we did is fairly much the norm among the middle class and they still have to work long and hard.
Interesting perspective from OZ.

Not very often heard / thought of in USA. ( we believed they would take their education more seriously if they had to pay themselves) Tho we felt and exercised the same and our kids mentioned they held the profs and schools to a higher std since it was their hard earned cash that paid their way.

We spent 6 months in NSW doing a remodel at a NGO mission, and I was amazed at the high starting wages of youthful workers (and their lack of incentive / service at box stores (Bunnings)). They would refuse to help load heavy items (Gyprock, cement blocks...) They commented...; "I get $22/ hr whether I sit at the computer and play on the internet, or if I help you load your Ute. Why would I want to assist you load your purchase? You bought it... You load it!"

It seemed there were more financial benefits for youthful workers than in USA.

For perspective...
Ours made <$10USD / hr when they bought cars ($1000) and paid insurance ($1200/ yr) (High school age, tho in college) and paid for final year of College (~$16k - $20k / yr) with assets / PT jobs. Fortunately ours had been earning since age 10 and built their own homes in grade 9 and 10 so had plenty of assets before college. They also did high risk / high pay jobs during college breaks (Alaska Fishing and Wildland firefighting). But basically they were financially on their own about age 12. (farm kids) and GONE by age 18.

I have met several Aussie wildland firefighters on vacation, seems that probably pays well in AU too, maybe available to college age youth! I work in engineering and several of my co-workers did fishing / firefighting to pay for college as far back as 30 yrs ago. One of my innovative and sharp bosses made his college tuition working (successfully) at Chicago Board of Trade for ONE summer.

You do what you need to do, I find no harm in 'Stretching' a youth, including employment and job and finance responsibility. They often RISE to the occasion.

Sadly... I know several age 65+ parents whose kids have been through many $20k - $50k private pay rehabs, and are now in prison, while Grandpa and Grandma are raising their 0 -18 yr old grandkids.

Any medical event can TANK a USA family (including 'extended family' / adult kids without insurance (I have (2) of those)). Why bother? (because in USA it may not be affordable. Insurance premium ONLY for us was $37,400 / yr, (not including any actual CARE or meds.. (+ additional $10kUSD annual out-of-pocket deductible).

Life / priorities / education / employment / healthcare... very different in the regions of the world.

I hope my grandkids go to Germany or other counties for FREE college (available for USA applicants in some schools). I will gladly 'donate' the one-way airfare.
https://www.student.com/articles/cou...y-free-europe/

Giving your children "Kick Start" .... (not money)
Interestingly... one of my friends from UK, sent his boys away to foreign countries ONE-WAY... When they were 'man-enough' to earn their way home, they could come back for a visit. The one he sent to NZ stayed away 7 yrs! (Great gig). The one to India... only took 3 yrs; Bolivia, 4 yrs. The one sent to USA... never returned to UK. (the plan 'back-fired' for their mum (who wanted to see them))
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Old 05-23-2019, 06:50 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia/South Jersey area
2,875 posts, read 1,403,268 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
I beg to differ in what you said about having problem kids and getting all kinds of support. Wherever did you, and another poster, ever get such a ridiculous idea?
It's well known, since I've written it a few times, that my son spent five years in prison for a terrible crime and I don't recall getting a lot of support for that.

Just try to be grateful that you do not have problems like this. I do and it will not go away. It is my reality.
Oh I am super grateful and I continually give thanks. I try to keep an attitude of gratitude.

My issue is (and maybe I'm seeing this wrong) this need to make others feel bad for speaking of their successes is imo silly

I truly believe the saying "there by the grace of God go I" and believe me I and everyone else has had life tragedies but I refuse to APOLOGIZE for my success.

People shouldn't be shamed and accused of patting themselves on the back for good things.

Sad state of affairs that they are.
Case in point, did you hear about the billionaire who is going to pay off the student loans for the graduating class at Moorhouse?? Instead of being happy there was quite a few who said
What about my kid who has to work and pay tuition, or "must be nice to get what you don't deserve".
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Old 05-23-2019, 07:51 AM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,561 posts, read 39,944,045 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61nyc View Post
Oh I am super grateful and I continually give thanks. I try to keep an attitude of gratitude. ...
Sad state of affairs that they are.
Case in point, did you hear about the billionaire who is going to pay off the student loans for the graduating class at Moorhouse?? Instead of being happy there was quite a few who said
What about my kid who has to work and pay tuition, or "must be nice to get what you don't deserve".
"...get what you --- deserve"

This is a "Common Phrase" among retirement planners and realtors. I purposely avoid each, because I have a very different interpretation / view of "... what you (I) --- deserve"...

expect NOTHING... (that is a good place to start! (as student or a worker with 40 yrs in service to an excellent company when the 'Wicked CEO" showed up and took away ... pensions & HC and retirement recreation (Free RV and cabins and retreat centers around the world).

"expect NOTHING..."
and consider an attitude of gratitude (for each new breath).

Your opinions likely vary.
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Old 05-23-2019, 08:31 AM
 
Location: Over yonder a piece
3,910 posts, read 4,648,162 times
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My parents contributed to my college education (they paid for 75% of it and the rest was paid for with scholarships, work study and loans). My husband paid for college himself and lived at home while working full time and getting his degree.

Our parents did not contribute towards a home purchase, but my husband's brother did. He gave us a very generous gift that put us over the hump of what we had already saved for a 10% down payment on a house. Likewise, he gave generous gifts to each of our children when they were born which we put into savings accounts in their names and from there we built up their savings bit by bit over the years - resulting in my daughter paying cash for her first car (used) last month. She will now pay for gas, insurance and repairs going forward and is currently interviewing for jobs to do just that.

My son will do the same once he gets his own driver's license in late 2020.

As for college, we've been telling our kids from the time they could understand that we cannot pay outright for college, and that we don't require that they attend college if they want to pursue something else. With careful planning though, we believe each of them can get a degree with less than $10-15K in debt in total when they finish. They are both on board for that and like the plan we have in place. We will not pay off their loans for them. This will teach them fiscal responsibility re: paying off debt ASAP and understanding the importance of keeping outstanding debt as low as possible at all times.

When it comes time to for them to purchase a home, my hope is that they will have been living debt free and saving all their funds to the point where they don't need a contribution from us. We have taught them to save 50%, give 10% and use 40%, and my hope is that they continue that model throughout life. They have both said the minute they can start a 401K they'll contribute 15% from day one.

As such, I feel like my kids have good tools in place so I won't need to give them assistance, but will have the freedom to be generous when I want to, versus when I need to.
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Old 05-23-2019, 10:17 AM
 
29,775 posts, read 34,863,854 times
Reputation: 11705
Interesting comments and perspectives in this thread and often in the forum. Those of younger to middle ages are often thinking about what they want to do or what they think will happen while others are reflecting on what they did do and what did happen.
As one poster noted the expression there but for the grace of God could be/could have been me. Whether we are of age to think could be or older and reflecting could have been just might influence our perspective.

Many our looking forward and many others are looking over their shoulders and that can make a significant difference.

Simply stated this topic can be seen as what will you do for your kids as opposed to what did you do for your kids. What did you do has the obvious follow up of and how did it work out for you and them and are you happy with the outcome.
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Old 05-23-2019, 02:46 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,666 posts, read 3,243,341 times
Reputation: 11941
Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61nyc View Post
Oh I am super grateful and I continually give thanks. I try to keep an attitude of gratitude.

My issue is (and maybe I'm seeing this wrong) this need to make others feel bad for speaking of their successes is imo silly

I truly believe the saying "there by the grace of God go I" and believe me I and everyone else has had life tragedies but I refuse to APOLOGIZE for my success.

People shouldn't be shamed and accused of patting themselves on the back for good things.

Sad state of affairs that they are.
Case in point, did you hear about the billionaire who is going to pay off the student loans for the graduating class at Moorhouse?? Instead of being happy there was quite a few who said
What about my kid who has to work and pay tuition, or "must be nice to get what you don't deserve".



You can work all day, all year, forever trying to understand what makes other people tick. You won't do it. I'm not saying you can't try, that is always an option. People are going to react to just about anything. You, yourself, are reacting with this post.

When people write or say something that ticks you off, what can you do about it? Change it?? We can't make other people change just because we see what is wrong with their thinking. We will always think what we say or do is the correct thing.

There will always be someone to challenge you.

Why not just "file it"??

People, which includes you and me, will always find something to judge. It's called life.

Best thing to do? Get over it.
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