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Old 06-03-2019, 11:08 AM
 
341 posts, read 140,322 times
Reputation: 1272

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Questions for the OP:

-Is your retirement pension bullet-proof? Does it include inflation protection?

-Have you considered how to pay for a child with special needs in case that happens? They could live much longer than you and your wife and need financial support. It also puts a great strain on a marriage.

-Are you prepared to sacrifice a large part of your time and financial comfort zone to your child/children?

If you want to have a child just think of what COULD happen as well as all the good parts. I know my siblings are happy with their children but they started young. I never had that wish and am equally happy.
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Old 06-03-2019, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
21,159 posts, read 11,761,610 times
Reputation: 32137
Quote:
Originally Posted by twinkletwinkle22 View Post
Questions for the OP:

-Is your retirement pension bullet-proof? Does it include inflation protection?

-Have you considered how to pay for a child with special needs in case that happens? They could live much longer than you and your wife and need financial support. It also puts a great strain on a marriage.

-Are you prepared to sacrifice a large part of your time and financial comfort zone to your child/children?

If you want to have a child just think of what COULD happen as well as all the good parts. I know my siblings are happy with their children but they started young. I never had that wish and am equally happy.
you do understand that someone who never wanted kids being happy not having kids isn't applicable to the feelings of someone who does want kids but doesn't have them, right?
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Old 06-03-2019, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,609 posts, read 4,680,291 times
Reputation: 27841
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
you do understand that someone who never wanted kids being happy not having kids isn't applicable to the feelings of someone who does want kids but doesn't have them, right?

Yeah, well, I used to want a pony, too.
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Old 06-03-2019, 11:59 AM
 
1,629 posts, read 559,576 times
Reputation: 3081
Well, I'm a big proponent of one-child families. I was one, my son is one, and he and DIL are only having the one (they are mid-30s.)

A huge factor is the mother's age, health, and the outcome of the birth. My DIL went from "I really only want one but I don't know, maybe there might be a second" to "there is no way in hell that I will ever have another baby." You can listen to all the other-parent stories until the cows come home but until you actually have the experience of being a parent you will truly NOT know how you will react to it. Contrary to popular myth, there is no magic fairy dust that wafts down from wherever and makes someone love the experience (or want to ever do it again.) Sometimes you do, sometimes you don't. (post-delivery hormones don't count, btw)

Raising a child can be affordable or be brutally expensive, depending in part on one's lifestyle but also on where one lives. We live in a very high COL area and so raising kids is definitely not cheap. Especially if daycare is needed. This 2017 news article took a look at the subject:

https://pix11.com/2017/01/09/heres-h...raise-a-child/

Relevant snippets:

A middle-income, married couple with two children is estimated to spend $233,610 to raise a child who was born in 2015, according to a report released by the Department of Agriculture Monday. And that number only covers costs from birth through age 17 – so it doesn’t include college expenses.

Costs vary by family income level and location. Lower-income families are estimated to spend an average of $174,690, while high-income households will pay around $372,210 over the years.

By region, families in the urban Northeast face the highest child-rearing tab with an average of $253,770, followed by the urban West at $235,140. Those living in rural areas throughout the country pay the least, at an average of $193,020, according to the government. Parents in the urban Northeast also spend the most on housing and child care and education.

Clearly every couple needs to figure out where they themselves fall on the affordability scale.
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Old 06-03-2019, 12:10 PM
 
Location: SE WI
509 posts, read 353,634 times
Reputation: 1335
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teacher Terry View Post
Kids donít have to be expensive. We had 3.
I agree. Some of the numbers quoted in this thread are just ridiculous.
I doubt if my parents spent more than 25K on me. The most expensive items were my ski gear and lift passes.
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Old 06-03-2019, 12:33 PM
 
Location: Cary, NC
748 posts, read 3,883,797 times
Reputation: 1211
I'm 42 and my youngest is 3. You'll be fine. Kids don't have to be expensive.
But I don't understand why both of you will continue to work. Seems like you're in a great financial position (better than most). What's the point of having kids if you're just going to outsource the childcare? Some families have no choice but it seems like you do.
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Old 06-03-2019, 12:36 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia/South Jersey area
2,870 posts, read 1,400,541 times
Reputation: 10071
Quote:
Originally Posted by TRlaura View Post
I agree. Some of the numbers quoted in this thread are just ridiculous.
I doubt if my parents spent more than 25K on me. The most expensive items were my ski gear and lift passes.
So you never had healthcare issues or braces??

What did they do with you as a baby? Go to work and leave a bowl of food on the floor for you?? Lol even if your mother stayed home that's a cost.

Op, no way in hell are you raising a kid in 2019 from infancy on 30 grand. Unless you are considering public assistance
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Old 06-03-2019, 12:51 PM
 
Location: New Mexico
6,550 posts, read 3,653,233 times
Reputation: 12306
Quote:
Originally Posted by TRlaura View Post
I agree. Some of the numbers quoted in this thread are just ridiculous.
My old boss had four kids by the time he was 27 and they had to struggle for a few years but managed in small-town America. I didn't even marry until I was 28 so when I told him, at about 37, that I was finally going to be a dad he freaked out and said that it was horrible and that I was way too old and it would ruin our life and probably the worst thing that could happen. I was stunned but he had a much different perspective than I did. He was nearing 60 and had grandkids and put his four kids through college. I knew we would have only one child and we were much better set financially at our age than he was at 27. His mindset is a common one -- have a family early -- but people seem to be willing to wait longer. The financial burden isn't quite as heavy if you are prepared and have mature and realistic expectations.
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Old 06-03-2019, 01:00 PM
 
Location: SE WI
509 posts, read 353,634 times
Reputation: 1335
Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61nyc View Post
So you never had healthcare issues or braces??

What did they do with you as a baby? Go to work and leave a bowl of food on the floor for you?? Lol even if your mother stayed home that's a cost.

Op, no way in hell are you raising a kid in 2019 from infancy on 30 grand. Unless you are considering public assistance
No healthcare issues or braces. My mother stayed home to raise my brother and I, just like she is supposed to. We ate just fine. If there was something we were missing growing up, I can't come up with anything.

I don't know too many people my age having kids these days, but I seriously doubt they are spending the amounts quoted on here, or even a 1/5 of that much.
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Old 06-03-2019, 01:03 PM
 
Location: Denver CO
21,159 posts, read 11,761,610 times
Reputation: 32137
Quote:
Originally Posted by TRlaura View Post
No healthcare issues or braces. My mother stayed home to raise my brother and I, just like she is supposed to. We ate just fine. If there was something we were missing growing up, I can't come up with anything.

I don't know too many people my age having kids these days, but I seriously doubt they are spending the amounts quoted on here, or even a 1/5 of that much.
So to confirm, you have never raised a child and have exactly zero idea of the cost of that.

BTW, do you think your parents would have lived in the same house if you and your brother didn't exist? So start there, how much more did they pay for a larger house/apartment to accommodate a larger family?
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