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For goodness sakes, they are not in their 80s. Go live your life. It is possible to do that right where you are. Go see a therapist to learn how to say "No" & "that won't work for me". Your time is just as valuable as theirs is. You are not their house staff, or are you?
The problem with this whole retirement scenario is that she hasn't seem to have thought about it (or at least talked about it) before the last six months or so. There have been some staff departures and other changes at work that she doesn't like, but virtually everyone has been dealing with that. It seems fairly spur of the moment. His employer also laid off about half their staff. It's not like his employment is that stable either. Her banking job is going to be a lot more stable than manufacturing.
If he gets laid off, they are toast.
I don't understand Dad's logic at all. It's not like she's ever been pressed to do anything after work, but she has previously at least done her laundry and such. She went shopping last night - no idea if she got anything, but then she complained that she doesn't want to do the laundry to go to the beach. They leave Saturday morning. The lawn hasn't been mowed in two weeks due to all the rain, so my guess is that he'll be doing all the lawn work Friday during the day, doing all the laundry, packing most things - meanwhile, Mom will spend most of the evening watching television.
He works a very physical job. I've been helping them on a lot of the house stuff lately. What's going to happen to him when he's having to mow the acre plus on a hill, do all the housework, work full-time, etc., into his 60s, while Mom probably does little to nothing? Several of his uncles died after sudden heart attacks in their 60s. Mom has said they "can't relocate," so I don't know what their options are.
The bottom line is that what might have seemed fine two decades ago when they were 40 and I was 12 (big house needing a lot of work, big, hilly yard with lots of trees, lots of pets) is not appropriate at 60 nearing retirement with health issues. Adjustments really haven't been made.
Go live your life and act poor. In other words, don't help them financially if they run into trouble. Quit being their "go to" person in times of trouble. QUIT helping them. Tell your mom to view the laundry as going to the gym. She needs the exercise. Offer to go on walks with her, NOT help with the chores. She is 60, not 80.
You are also better off assisting them with healthy meals.
Tell her to quit acting as if she's 80.
I think you're right, and perhaps that is what he needs to hear: Co-dependance. That seems to be the root of his problems.
Yes, it can be a great feeling to think that so much rests on you rushing in to save the day...and the righteous thinking that you're the only good and healthy one doing so. Meanwhile you're not only hurting yourself but those you purportedly want to help.
OP - this is not just a pattern with your family but also your GF - you picked someone that seems to require as much aid as your parents!
So, let your parents struggle a little. Without your help, your father's eyes may open (further) and he can put some pressure on your mother in a way you cannot. Help him to help her, by stopping your help!
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