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Old 06-27-2019, 09:32 PM
 
6,303 posts, read 5,042,575 times
Reputation: 12800

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
I welcome the day I can be lazy. ! Shame away!

Some folks did their time...prop up the feet and let those relaxing days develop.

Granted minor details of housekeeping, grocery and bills will get done. Just at an ease on down the road style.

If the OP wishes to step back and let em ease alone. So be it. I support the decision to let folks live life on their terms. With that comes the ' for every action ..there are consequences'. The relaxed (lazy?)parent needs to understand that ...she made her bed...
I am in that lazy mode right now!

I don't want to do anything that requires working up a sweat! I did a lot of that when i was getting paid to do it.

I'd rather just relax and pay someone else to do the yard work etc.

And he should just let her relax and do her thing for now. She does need to snap out of that hoarding thing, but it might never happen.

We are in the process of clearing out a house where my hoarder older sibling lived. Just buy, buy, buy. And never clean. And he had the money. Oh well. What can you do?
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Old 06-27-2019, 09:34 PM
 
11,963 posts, read 5,102,113 times
Reputation: 18693
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coney View Post
She's not lazy. She's sick.
She's sick and lazy. You can't tell me putting an occasional dish in a dishwasher is too overwhelming to do unless she's a paraplegic. She's not too sick to hold on to a full time job, get her nails done, go shopping to hoard things but she can't do anything at home but sit in a chair. Please, don't make excuses for being lazy. I knew an 80 year old dying of leukemia that did more at home than she does.
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Old 06-27-2019, 09:47 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,541 posts, read 17,525,434 times
Reputation: 27573
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coney View Post
The OP's mom has a very serious health problem. Let's not minimize that. Most of the respondents here don't seem to recognize that.

Does she have blisters on her feet or arms that make it difficult for her to move around? Of course she's depressed. Those blisters are painful and ugly. And worst of all, few people seem to understand it or know about it. It's not just the weight or the diet or the lack of exercise. If she doesn't take the meds, that disease will eat her alive. But the medications have all kinds of side effects. You raise the dosage to decrease the condition and when the flare up is under control, you gradually decrease the medication. And the blisters look ugly. Most people don't know what they are and if they see them, they will avoid you or avoid touching you. It's a horrible, horrible disease. It's much worse for post-menopausal women AND it's not so easy to move around when there is a flare up, whether you are thin or fat. Does she take any NSAIDs for the pain?

Being sedentary is the least of her problems.

You can contact the International Pemphigus and Pemphigoid Foundation for more support, information about trial studies, and other information. There are local support chapters, but doubt that there are any in her area. My friend started the national organization in San Francisco, but she got tired of running it. It was a lot of work and she established chapters all over the US. She's retired. This isn't like diabetes where your average local doctor can treat it. It doesn't matter if your mother is 40 or 80. She's sick. Stress makes it worse, literally. I know everyone says that, but in this particular disease, it literally will make the lesions pop out. Looks like her boss has some compassion and gave some time off to a long-time employee. What is wrong with that?

Sounds like the OP has a lot of his own issues and possibly is on the spectrum. But one thing for sure, he needs to grow the hell up.
From what she has told me, and she has only taken a few cell phone pictures, they look like a mild burn blister on her, and she's said they are mostly on her stomach. I haven't seen any on her arms, feet, calves, or any commonly exposed area. If you Google it, there are some awful pictures. She's not anywhere near that. She did say tonight that they do finally have it under control and she's getting some relief.

I never said she wasn't sick, but we're talking about someone who is well enough to go shopping for a few hours then won't put glasses on the top shelf of the dishwasher. If you Google "bullous pemphigoid," those are some really sad cases that probably couldn't even wear a t-shirt without severe pain.

I also don't disagree that the local doctors are probably over their heads with something like this, but if you mention seeking treatment elsewhere, she shoots it down. The local outcome isn't going to be good and she won't try to see an expert elsewhere. What can you do?

Quote:
Originally Posted by marino760 View Post
She's sick and lazy. You can't tell me putting an occasional dish in a dishwasher is too overwhelming to do unless she's a paraplegic. She's not too sick to hold on to a full time job, get her nails done, go shopping to hoard things but she can't do anything at home but sit in a chair. Please, don't make excuses for being lazy. I knew an 80 year old dying of leukemia that did more at home than she does.
Don't usually agree with you, but I do here. I never disputed that she has health problems. No one is expecting her to live a vigorous, physically active lifestyle. Yes, there are problems in the house of carrying heavy loads of laundry up and down the stairs, but the reality is dad basically does all that. Cups that were placed in the sink on Sunday will likely still be sitting there Thursday. As soon as she comes in from work, it's change into her pajamas and watch HGTV, Food Network, etc., until bedtime, and maybe browse Facebook a bit on her phone.

Her sister also has some health issues, and even she mentioned last night she's never known mom to be basically so inactive. It's like she has completely given up.

She's going to the beach Saturday morning, and has complained about needing to do the laundry to get ready to go.
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Old 06-27-2019, 09:51 PM
 
8,115 posts, read 8,616,186 times
Reputation: 9075
Quote:
Originally Posted by marino760 View Post
She's sick and lazy. You can't tell me putting an occasional dish in a dishwasher is too overwhelming to do unless she's a paraplegic. She's not too sick to hold on to a full time job, get her nails done, go shopping to hoard things but she can't do anything at home but sit in a chair. Please, don't make excuses for being lazy. I knew an 80 year old dying of leukemia that did more at home than she does.
And you obviously have no idea about Pemphigus or autoimmune diseases. No, you can't always put a dish in the dishwasher when you have lupus or Scieraderma or RA or quite a few autoimmune diseases.
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Old 06-27-2019, 09:59 PM
 
11,963 posts, read 5,102,113 times
Reputation: 18693
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coney View Post
And you obviously have no idea about Pemphigus or autoimmune diseases. No, you can't always put a dish in the dishwasher when you have lupus or Scieraderma or RA or quite a few autoimmune diseases.
You're NEVER able to do anything except sit in a chair and watch Netflix, never put a dish in a dishwasher, but you can do other things once you're outside the house including holding on to a full time job? I'm not buying it at all.
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Old 06-27-2019, 09:59 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,541 posts, read 17,525,434 times
Reputation: 27573
Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
What I am taking away from this thread is that SC is unhappy, but has not decided to take any action.

OP: the only person you can change is you.

Start with eating better and working out. Prioritize this over your parentsí demands. Do not tie yourself down now. If you begin with taking time for yourself, youíll feel better, and you will be able to think.

And as far as Iím concerned, SC has been a long time poster in this thread and he is welcome to post now.
I've had a good week. I went to lift Tuesday evening, walked three miles after work yesterday, but laid low tonight and worked on some of the little tech projects I've piddled with since last year. I'm going to a baseball game for "fireworks Friday" tomorrow night and the plan is to go lift/swim/cardio again Saturday morning at the YMCA.

Mom wanted a half dozen donuts and an eclair from the bakery last night. She was up in the same town, about three miles from the bakery, Tuesday night. She doesn't need the pastries, but if she wants them, she should have gone to get them up. What frustrates me is that she complains about things like "she doesn't work near a grocery store" when she's at exit 63 and the nearest store is exit 59, and wants someone else to pick up the pastries. She'd pay me back, but it's the issue that she won't drive a few miles more up the road to get them when she already went shopping for an hour or two.
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Old 06-27-2019, 10:00 PM
 
6,211 posts, read 4,715,040 times
Reputation: 12688
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coney View Post
And you obviously have no idea about Pemphigus or autoimmune diseases. No, you can't always put a dish in the dishwasher when you have lupus or Scieraderma or RA or quite a few autoimmune diseases.
If she is that sick, she would qualify for disability.
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Old 06-27-2019, 10:02 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,541 posts, read 17,525,434 times
Reputation: 27573
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coney View Post
And you obviously have no idea about Pemphigus or autoimmune diseases. No, you can't always put a dish in the dishwasher when you have lupus or Scieraderma or RA or quite a few autoimmune diseases.
Girlfriend has lupus and RA.

Yes, she has lots of flare up days where she can't do much. She might not be able to load a Le Creuset some days. She could take a tumbler from the sink to the top shelf of the dishwasher and place it in there. Girlfriend's health issues are probably more serious than mom's.

Girlfriend was admitted to hospitals roughly twenty times in a year and a half. I don't ever remember mom being admitted.
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Old 06-27-2019, 10:04 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,541 posts, read 17,525,434 times
Reputation: 27573
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
I am in that lazy mode right now!

I don't want to do anything that requires working up a sweat! I did a lot of that when i was getting paid to do it.

I'd rather just relax and pay someone else to do the yard work etc.

And he should just let her relax and do her thing for now. She does need to snap out of that hoarding thing, but it might never happen.

We are in the process of clearing out a house where my hoarder older sibling lived. Just buy, buy, buy. And never clean. And he had the money. Oh well. What can you do?
I moved back in for close to a year between 2016 and 2017 before I bought the condo. Yes, I paid a third of mortgage and utilities, and bought them a bunch of flooring before I left.

I cleaned the hoard up when they went out of town one weekend. I had a four door sedan then. Just the packaging which was recyclable was six loads to the recycling bin of mostly plastic packing material and cardboard boxes. The room was cleaned and could be used as a bedroom with the window and closet being accessible.

It was filled back up to the brim within a year or so.
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Old 06-27-2019, 10:08 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,541 posts, read 17,525,434 times
Reputation: 27573
Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
And why did you just gloss over what people have said about YOU and your role, and YOUR LIFE?

WHAT ARE YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS?

What cool vacation are you planning?

What fun weekend plans do you have?

Stop thinking about your parents and their problems and live YOUR LIFE.
I've been trying to move and job search casually for the last six months or so. I make a fairly good living here. I want to go to fairly specific places. I'm making around $70,000 all in with a small bonus here. I live in an inexpensive area of Tennessee.

I'm not going to move to Denver to make $80,000. I'd move to Raleigh, Charlotte, Asheville, Greenville, SC, and maybe Maine. I'd need at least $80k in Raleigh.

I did spend eight days in Maine earlier this month. I may do a long weekend in Denver for Labor Day.
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