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Old 07-08-2019, 04:39 AM
 
6,307 posts, read 4,752,208 times
Reputation: 12914

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It is not the liver that is the main concern. Way before the body gives out, the mind and emotions stop functioning sanely. If drinking is not a problem, just stop. If you start coming up with reasons not to stop you can be sure alcohol is taking over your life and your thinking. If you think drinking is fun and helps keep you relaxed and reduces stress you are sliding on a slippery slope.

Forget the parents, friends and relatives and worry about yourself.

"I couldn't post this well on this forum as often as I do if I was chronically impaired by my alcohol consumption." Do you think you are in a good place when you spend countless hours posted on a retirement forum?
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Old 07-08-2019, 05:15 AM
 
548 posts, read 253,749 times
Reputation: 2236
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post

Ultimately, I'm dealing with people who have the mindset of small children and do not realize they are going to collide into the financial wall in a couple of years.
If you don't begin detaching from this situation right now, guess what's going to happen when they hit that financial wall?

Recognize that you are powerless to change this situation and that you deserve to live your own best life.
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Old 07-08-2019, 06:12 AM
 
13,962 posts, read 7,434,967 times
Reputation: 25472
Quote:
Originally Posted by jrkliny View Post
It is not the liver that is the main concern. Way before the body gives out, the mind and emotions stop functioning sanely. If drinking is not a problem, just stop. If you start coming up with reasons not to stop you can be sure alcohol is taking over your life and your thinking. If you think drinking is fun and helps keep you relaxed and reduces stress you are sliding on a slippery slope.

Forget the parents, friends and relatives and worry about yourself.

"I couldn't post this well on this forum as often as I do if I was chronically impaired by my alcohol consumption." Do you think you are in a good place when you spend countless hours posted on a retirement forum?
Thatís just one of the questionable lifestyle and decision making choices he makes. Who in their early 30s posts in a retirement forum other than for long term financial planning advice?
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Old 07-08-2019, 07:13 AM
 
6,307 posts, read 4,752,208 times
Reputation: 12914
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
Thatís just one of the questionable lifestyle and decision making choices he makes. Who in their early 30s posts in a retirement forum other than for long term financial planning advice?
He signed up 8 years ago and is approaching 30,000 posts. Since then he has had a couple of failed jobs and has moved back home. I doubt the forum participation is helping him with his life, career or preparing for retirement.
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Old 07-08-2019, 08:16 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,794 posts, read 4,848,703 times
Reputation: 19499
You need to "go on a vacation". You don't actually have to go anywhere, just tell them you're going to a cabin in Maine that has no cell reception for 2 weeks. Then just turn off the phone and live your life. Do what you need to do, work, eat, work out, worry about your own life and leave them to their own devices. This is what they'll be up against when you find a job and move, so don't feel guilty. You are way too involved in their lives and mom is using you and then she's not even grateful when you help her, so stop helping. You and your dad are enabling her lazy lifestyle. If she can go on vacation to Myrtle Beach and run all over town shopping, she doesn't really need ANY help from you. So just STOP "HELPING", and quit all the bellyaching. You are ALLOWING all this to take over your life. Stop it, or stop complaining.
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Old 07-08-2019, 08:37 AM
 
6,325 posts, read 5,069,672 times
Reputation: 12850
I agree with TheShadow. If they can go on vacation and run around like that - they are fine.

They just have "issues"

But i know that seeing them going through that will help you not do the same. My roommate is a shopper also. Something comes in the mail almost daily. One of the reasons i quit shopping was just watching him buy all this stuff that just sits there. He doesn't even know what he has purchased. Its crazy.

He blames it on his PTSD from vietnam. He says he will do what he wants since he endured so much and saw so much and he is still alive, so why not. In a twisted way he makes sense????
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Old 07-08-2019, 08:52 AM
Status: "could've~would've~should've used 'have', not 'of'" (set 25 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,509 posts, read 14,343,593 times
Reputation: 23379
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
The best thing I can do is admit that I can't control them.

They're going to do what they want to do. Whenever I tell them this or that, no matter what value it has in itself, they always say, "cut back on your drinking."

I should, but that's not what I brought up to them. In their mind, anything I mention is completely invalid because my "brain is pickled" from being a heavy drinker.

I'm probably the only thinking rationally and soberly here. I live an active, full life with a more mentally demanding career, a lot of travel, frequent weekend trips, and a lot of different hobbies. I couldn't do what I do if I was significantly mentally impaired. I couldn't post this well on this forum as often as I do if I was chronically impaired by my alcohol consumption.
I doubt it's so much that 'your brain is pickled' as it is the fact that you are the pot calling the kettle black. You have your vice/addiction and they have theirs. It's easy for you to sit there and say they need to change their lifestyle, it would probably have more weight behind it if you were able to change yours. You seem awfully vested in proving that you are somehow better and smarter than they are.


Also you are accusing them of being in a rut, yet you post this
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Everyone knows where they can find me at basically all hours. You can find my Jeep on the back row of the office park on fair weather days. Otherwise, I park closer. I park in a gated lot at the apartment, but the Jeep is visible from outside the gate. I'm at Studio Brew on Sunday evenings. I'm at a marina on Friday evenings.

You could drive to a certain place at a certain time and most likely find me.
How is that very different than this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Still, they're locked into a rut. Friday is his mowing/yard/gym day. Saturday is the Target/Sam's/Walmart day. Sunday it's sit in the house and watch TV, and maybe venture as far as the mailbox. It is very, very rare that they're out past 1 PM on a Sunday. There are very rarely any breaks in this routine.
It sounds like your parents probably do need some guidance. I think it needs to come from someone other than you. Maybe the best thing you can do is set them up with a financial adviser, and be there to encourage your mom in a more healthy life style, maybe set them up on a home delivery meal plan or something.
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Old 07-08-2019, 09:55 AM
 
Location: North State (California)
39,754 posts, read 3,006,691 times
Reputation: 13020
I agree with both The Shadow & Dubble T. You need to disentangle yourself & let them do things by themselves. Your Mom is capable of it, she is just guilt tripping you into dong it for her.
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Old 07-08-2019, 10:10 AM
 
6,325 posts, read 5,069,672 times
Reputation: 12850
Quote:
Originally Posted by evening sun View Post
I agree with both The Shadow & Dubble T. You need to disentangle yourself & let them do things by themselves. Your Mom is capable of it, she is just guilt tripping you into dong it for her.
Easy to say - hard to do

Especially since he is an only child.
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Old 07-08-2019, 10:42 AM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
7,324 posts, read 4,172,231 times
Reputation: 18382
Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
Easy to say - hard to do

Especially since he is an only child.
That's why so many of us are urging him to move. The parental guilt trip doesn't work as well from a distance.
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