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Old 06-20-2019, 11:50 AM
 
25,964 posts, read 32,962,923 times
Reputation: 32143

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Southern man View Post
You need to find a new job a long distance from them, about 3000 miles would be about right.
Exactly.
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Old 06-20-2019, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Myrtle Creek, Oregon
12,223 posts, read 12,483,575 times
Reputation: 19356
If she's not preparing her own meals, put her on an 1100 calorie diet until she sheds 100 lbs.
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Old 06-20-2019, 11:51 AM
 
25,964 posts, read 32,962,923 times
Reputation: 32143
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larry Caldwell View Post
If she's not preparing her own meals, put her on an 1100 calorie diet until she sheds 100 lbs.
LOL. If only it were that simple.
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Old 06-20-2019, 11:53 AM
 
5,406 posts, read 2,330,862 times
Reputation: 14962
I must say- OP should be sorting and settling his own life (serious issues) before making a project out of his parents'.
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Old 06-20-2019, 12:00 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,541 posts, read 17,525,434 times
Reputation: 27573
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
The odds of a sedentary 275 pound 61-year-old woman living to age 81 are pretty low. The usual list of chronic diseases will get her well before then. I imagine she's on track to qualifying for SSDI so that would get her to full retirement age and the higher benefit. If she's not going to change her behavior to prolong her life, that's the alternative SC should be looking at. It sounds like she's unable to complete everyday tasks like cooking and cleaning. It might not be now but she might qualify as disabled within the next year or two as health events start happening.
It's not necessarily unable now - it's unwilling. The usual chronic stuff (poor cholesterol, diabetes, etc.) is all going on and has been for years. She seems to have lost quite a bit of weight from her peak weight a few years ago.

She was well enough to get a manicure last night. If she's well enough to do that, she can load the dishwasher.

She kicked around the SSDI idea a few years ago, but never really pursued it. At this point, she's going to one or two medical appointment a week. Where I am, that would get you fired. She's lucky her employer is more accommodating.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
PUT IT ON PAPER.

The only thing my parents did right was entering retirement with no mortgage. They actually sold/purchased twice, and made enough money to purchase their last home with cash. Thank goodness for equity!
They did at least one cash out refi years ago. No idea where all that went. My guess is they could get $160k-$180k on the house. It needs some cosmetic updates and the bathrooms need remodeled, but it's fine for a 70s split foyer.
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Old 06-20-2019, 12:10 PM
 
2,219 posts, read 1,094,492 times
Reputation: 9061
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post

Thoughts?
Mental illness is my first thought.

Also, I agree that you're enabling. I know it's hard not to want to step up and help her around the house, but she's an adult and apparently is physically capable of doing her own household chores. Set yourself free now, before this takes over your life completely.
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Old 06-20-2019, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,832 posts, read 14,341,548 times
Reputation: 30663
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aredhel View Post
It doesn't register because your mother doesn't WANT it to register. She hates working, and sees an escape hatch that she can reach in just a few more months.
This.

But often early retirees have ideas about all the neat stuff they intend to do in retirement.

The OP might remind her that she will have to stop ordering from TV sellers when her income dwindles. I suppose that might make a dent.
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Old 06-20-2019, 12:42 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,611 posts, read 9,672,539 times
Reputation: 10948
Quote:
Originally Posted by GeoffD View Post
The odds of a sedentary 275 pound 61-year-old woman living to age 81 are pretty low. The usual list of chronic diseases will get her well before then. I imagine she's on track to qualifying for SSDI so that would get her to full retirement age and the higher benefit. If she's not going to change her behavior to prolong her life, that's the alternative SC should be looking at. It sounds like she's unable to complete everyday tasks like cooking and cleaning. It might not be now but she might qualify as disabled within the next year or two as health events start happening.

I could have written most of this about my sister. Same description and lived the last few years of her life in a recliner. At home and in the nursing home. Couldn't do anything at home anymore and everyone that was sent to help her was 'fired'. She could be contrary, for lack of a better word. Her kids did the best they could but couldn't do everything. She made to 71.


My son is going through some of the same since his MIL moved in with them. She is 74, just a couple years younger than me. She had a triple bypass about nine months ago and feels better physically but lives in 'her' chair. The only thing she would do for herself is go to the bathroom and otherwise everyone else was expected to do for her. She is diabetic, over weight and doesn't watch her diet but my son does all the cooking. He also makes sure she does her testing and meds like she should, or she wouldn't. He finally, though, made her start getting things for herself and getting her to spend some time out on the deck walking around some. Son is retired but his wife still works full time so he's become the 'nanny'.
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Old 06-20-2019, 12:51 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,799 posts, read 1,824,401 times
Reputation: 10660
OP: When she texted you to come get the garbage bins, did you do her bidding?

If you feel weak, that you MUST do whatever she demands, I suggest you get into therapy or get a coach or something, and practice ways to say "no."

Possible response: "Sorry, I'm too busy, tired (whatever). This is something you can do yourself. Have a nice night."
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Old 06-20-2019, 01:02 PM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
7,289 posts, read 4,145,583 times
Reputation: 18254
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
I met him for lunch today and he's hemming and hawing about her "getting her rest," etc. I think he's way too optimistic. Hell, she gets plenty of rest after work because she doesn't do much of anything else!
Your father is engaging in wishful thinking ramped up to the point of denial. I'm not sure I can blame him (who wouldn't hope things are going to get better in the future?), but it's not helpful. The only way your mother is going to change is if HE starts pushing for it, and sadly I doubt he will.
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