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Old 06-20-2019, 01:22 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,541 posts, read 17,525,434 times
Reputation: 27573

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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
OP: When she texted you to come get the garbage bins, did you do her bidding?

If you feel weak, that you MUST do whatever she demands, I suggest you get into therapy or get a coach or something, and practice ways to say "no."

Possible response: "Sorry, I'm too busy, tired (whatever). This is something you can do yourself. Have a nice night."
Nope. I told her she can either roll it up or let dad get it today. I wasn't going over there at 9 or later.
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Old 06-20-2019, 01:33 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,799 posts, read 1,824,401 times
Reputation: 10660
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
Nope. I told her she can either roll it up or let dad get it today. I wasn't going over there at 9 or later.
This is great progress! Keep it up! She sounds very rude and self-entitled.
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Old 06-20-2019, 07:47 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,000 posts, read 17,320,800 times
Reputation: 41258
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
(snip)

She was well enough to get a manicure last night. If she's well enough to do that, she can load the dishwasher.

.
I was thinking the same thing.
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Old 06-20-2019, 08:16 PM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,183 posts, read 1,338,732 times
Reputation: 6286
Quote:
Originally Posted by Southern man View Post
You need to find a new job a long distance from them, about 3000 miles would be about right.
He tried that. He keeps moving back "home" and continues to get caught up in his parents', grandmother's or girlfriend's problems.
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Old 06-20-2019, 10:11 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,541 posts, read 17,525,434 times
Reputation: 27573
Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
He tried that. He keeps moving back "home" and continues to get caught up in his parents', grandmother's or girlfriend's problems.
I'm not going to belabor the point, but this is where I am from. It's not a perfect place - I'm fantastically bored at work, but I have a good manager, and I'm making good money by local standards. I do plan on relocating to Raleigh (my top pick of cities), Greenville, SC, or maybe Charlotte. I love Maine and there's an off-chance I could end up there.

When I moved back here in 2016, I was likely going to be canned from the place I was working in Indianapolis. Both the previous and subsequent persons in the role were also canned, so it wasn't just me. I applied for roles closer to home and got the hometown offer for what I was making in Indy. I'd have been a fool to turn it down given the circumstances I was in at the time.

It's easy to get tangled up in others' problems when you're literally living within fifteen minutes of each other.
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Old 06-20-2019, 11:45 PM
 
4,719 posts, read 4,013,639 times
Reputation: 9859
If you are busy living your own life, you won't be as apt to get sucked in. Take some online classes, learn a foreign language, start running 5ks, or write a book.
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Old 06-21-2019, 08:21 AM
 
7,790 posts, read 4,378,976 times
Reputation: 11568
Stop enabling. (this was an easy one)
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Old 06-21-2019, 09:16 AM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,183 posts, read 1,338,732 times
Reputation: 6286
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
I'm not going to belabor the point, but this is where I am from. It's not a perfect place - I'm fantastically bored at work, but I have a good manager, and I'm making good money by local standards. I do plan on relocating to Raleigh (my top pick of cities), Greenville, SC, or maybe Charlotte. I love Maine and there's an off-chance I could end up there.

When I moved back here in 2016, I was likely going to be canned from the place I was working in Indianapolis. Both the previous and subsequent persons in the role were also canned, so it wasn't just me. I applied for roles closer to home and got the hometown offer for what I was making in Indy. I'd have been a fool to turn it down given the circumstances I was in at the time.

It's easy to get tangled up in others' problems when you're literally living within fifteen minutes of each other.
We all make decisions throughout our lives that seem like a good idea at the time. But from your posts here, I (and others) see a pattern in what you are doing. You keep returning home and then getting wrapped up in the demands of others. You need to realize they will not leave you alone to live your own life if you are conveniently close by. Some people (some families) are like that. And if you are not careful, you will become their enabler so they continue to be more and more needy.

I would venture to say that most people from areas like yours who did well in life actually moved away from home. We went where the good jobs were (good = well paying and interesting). We went to places where there are museums, theaters, good restaurants, concerts and other activities, to places where we mingled with all kinds of people and learned how different people think and how they live their lives. It can be an eye-opener.
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Old 06-21-2019, 10:08 AM
 
11,963 posts, read 5,102,113 times
Reputation: 18693
Quote:
Originally Posted by ansible90 View Post
We all make decisions throughout our lives that seem like a good idea at the time. But from your posts here, I (and others) see a pattern in what you are doing. You keep returning home and then getting wrapped up in the demands of others. You need to realize they will not leave you alone to live your own life if you are conveniently close by. Some people (some families) are like that. And if you are not careful, you will become their enabler so they continue to be more and more needy.

I would venture to say that most people from areas like yours who did well in life actually moved away from home. We went where the good jobs were (good = well paying and interesting). We went to places where there are museums, theaters, good restaurants, concerts and other activities, to places where we mingled with all kinds of people and learned how different people think and how they live their lives. It can be an eye-opener.
He is an only child. I think that plays a large part in how much a child and parents will rely on each other.
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Old 06-21-2019, 12:03 PM
 
5,419 posts, read 3,440,673 times
Reputation: 13649
There are also the psychological factors of wanting to be relied upon, of wanting to do the chores to develop or maintain an emotional closeness, to wanting to be part of the parents lives and doing the chores is one way to accomplish that, to genuinely wanting to help, to having a few things lacking in one's own life so one fills those holes by dwelling on the parents, to wanting a place to hang out in which is the parents' house, to wanting to assuage loneliness, in wanting to assuage loneliness one goes to the parents' home every day -

all the while sometimes complaining about doing the chores etc and sometimes not realizing the psychological reasons above as to why one is carrying out the tasks and behavior.

Not negating that one sees a need and genuinely wants to help.

Last edited by matisse12; 06-21-2019 at 12:14 PM..
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