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Old 06-20-2019, 06:56 AM
 
Location: TN/NC
34,899 posts, read 31,006,838 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
I can only echo what others have posted here. I think you need to talk with your father first, so he understands how compromised they would be if his wife were to retire early. I do agree that you and he are enablers.

I doubt your mother will change very much. She has ingrained habits that would be hard and painful for her to change. But I do wonder if a mental health workup would be a good idea. With your father’s support, both of you might be able to insist she she see a doc in a larger city, for her mental health and for her autoimmune issue.

But both your parents need to change, and I suspect having that happen is a remote possibility.

You can try to convince them to pursue health solutions for your mom, and to postpone her retirement. But please accept that the only person you can change is you. Figure out how you can separate yourself from enabling this behavior for your own mental health.

This might include counseling or therapy.
I have never known two people who get into more significant ruts than they do.

Weather permitting, he mows every Friday (works 4x10), and might get to the YMCA or to see his parents. They meet for lunch four times a week between Cracker Barrel, a pizza place, and Burger King. Saturdays are the "shop" day, and Sundays are the "do nothing but watch Netflix" day.

What's sad is he used to like to go fishing, play in chess tournaments, etc., but all that is basically gone now. I can't remember the last time he went fishing. I asked him if he'd like to go to a concert Saturday, hasn't even gotten back to me.
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Old 06-20-2019, 07:05 AM
 
37,478 posts, read 45,740,039 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1insider View Post
That's exactly what I was pointing out. The assets they have will be exhausted before Medicaid steps in. Dad will be broke and living on SS if that happens. OP might find himself buying groceries for Dad.
You don’t have to be down to grocery money to apply for Medicaid. OP needs to research this NOW and lay out the money thing for them. When they are faced with that reality, maybe they’ll start singing a different tune. I wish I had understood more about my parents finances and how all this worked, before they retired. Of course they were healthy at the time...but life threw lots of curveballs at them. They would have been far more able to deal, if the had both worked a few more years.
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Old 06-20-2019, 07:31 AM
 
Location: TN/NC
34,899 posts, read 31,006,838 times
Reputation: 47252
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
You don’t have to be down to grocery money to apply for Medicaid. OP needs to research this and lay out the money thing for them. When they are faced with that reality, maybe they’ll start singing a different tune. I wish I had understood more about my parents finances and how all this worked, before they retired. Of course they were healthy at the time...but life threw lots of curveballs at them. They would have been far more able to deal, if the had both worked a few more years.
They might have $100k-$150k, and maybe $50k home equity. He's planning to work to FRA, but she wants to bail out now.

They're going to need all they can get financially. I don't know why this doesn't register. They know she'll get less taking at 62.
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Old 06-20-2019, 07:36 AM
 
Location: Omaha, Nebraska
10,335 posts, read 7,916,036 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
They might have $100k-$150k, and maybe $50k home equity. He's planning to work to FRA, but she wants to bail out now.

They're going to need all they can get financially. I don't know why this doesn't register. They know she'll get less taking at 62.
It doesn't register because your mother doesn't WANT it to register. She hates working, and sees an escape hatch that she can reach in just a few more months.
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Old 06-20-2019, 07:41 AM
 
8,005 posts, read 7,153,567 times
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Does Dad earn too much for her to get an ACA subsidy after retirement or will she be covered by her employer's insurance until 65? With no subsidy or coverage from employer post-retirement her insurance costs will be substantial (might exceed her SS benefit) until she hits Medicare at 65.
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Old 06-20-2019, 08:05 AM
 
Location: NMB, SC
42,246 posts, read 17,601,031 times
Reputation: 34458
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
They might have $100k-$150k, and maybe $50k home equity. He's planning to work to FRA, but she wants to bail out now.

They're going to need all they can get financially. I don't know why this doesn't register. They know she'll get less taking at 62.

From your posts it sounds like your mother doesn't care, your father is in denial and you are picking up the slack for both of them.

Are you prepared to continue that for possibly the next 20-30 years ?
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Old 06-20-2019, 11:09 AM
 
Location: The South
7,469 posts, read 6,208,002 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
I'm dealing with something in my personal life I want to throw out here.

My parents are 61, turning 62 this fall, and mom is thinking of retiring immediately upon hitting 62 and drawing SS. She's career low income and has likely never made more than $40,000 annually. Financially, this is stupid. Their total retirement savings are the in $100,000-$150,000 range (yes, I know the numbers). They still have a mortgage payment around ~$700/month, ~$250/month on her new CR-V. Best I can tell, they let a bunch of CCs default back in 2013/2014 (I had their creditors calling me looking for them) but have rehabilitated their credit to the point the big local CC will give them an auto loan and they get unsolicited CC offers now. They've each worked for multiple private sector companies and were vested in those pensions - from my napkin math, that should be roughly $1,000/month income above and beyond whatever they can generate privately and from SS.

Mom has some autoimmune problems, but a massively poor diet (mostly fast food), morbid obesity (5'2 ~275ish), and is completely sedentary. It's hard to tell what her baseline would be with reasonable taking care of herself.

As soon as she gets off work, she goes to her recliner, where she sits asides from eating or bathroom trips until bedtime. She no longer does any of their laundry (I drive back to my parents' home twice a week on my lunch hour to do their laundry - dad and I coordinate laundry changeovers). Dad works a physical job on a second shift. I'll drive by in the morning or at lunch and start a load, then he'll change it out in the evening before his shift starts. That's the only way they can complete their laundry - mother does nothing when she comes in during the evening unless I drive by and literally bring it up for her. She's not incapable of carrying towels upstairs. My grandmother lives just a mile from my parents, so oftentimes these chores get doubled up.

I truly don't mind to help, but what I'm getting frustrated with is the endless recliner sitting while everyone else works. She's hourly and has a desk job. I'm salaried exempt and have far more responsibility than she's ever had. Dad is hourly but has a physical job. As soon as mom gets in, it's sit in that chair and maybe warm up a can of Chef Boyardee while I'm still working, then I'm expected to come over and help her.

Dad thinks once she retires she'll get to feeling better and won't be so sedentary once she gets rested. My guess is she'll become even more sedentary with nothing to keep her going, and that it won't be long until I find her dead in that chair.

Thoughts?
You need to find a new job a long distance from them, about 3000 miles would be about right.
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Old 06-20-2019, 11:28 AM
 
24,526 posts, read 18,069,797 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TMSRetired View Post
From your posts it sounds like your mother doesn't care, your father is in denial and you are picking up the slack for both of them.

Are you prepared to continue that for possibly the next 20-30 years ?

The odds of a sedentary 275 pound 61-year-old woman living to age 81 are pretty low. The usual list of chronic diseases will get her well before then. I imagine she's on track to qualifying for SSDI so that would get her to full retirement age and the higher benefit. If she's not going to change her behavior to prolong her life, that's the alternative SC should be looking at. It sounds like she's unable to complete everyday tasks like cooking and cleaning. It might not be now but she might qualify as disabled within the next year or two as health events start happening.
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Old 06-20-2019, 11:33 AM
 
Location: TN/NC
34,899 posts, read 31,006,838 times
Reputation: 47252
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1insider View Post
Does Dad earn too much for her to get an ACA subsidy after retirement or will she be covered by her employer's insurance until 65? With no subsidy or coverage from employer post-retirement her insurance costs will be substantial (might exceed her SS benefit) until she hits Medicare at 65.
She'll be on his employer's insurance. His employer is not exactly stable. They laid off about a third of their workforce earlier this year, then rehired a lot of them when business picked back up. He's in manufacturing, and the planning is so poorly done that guys are sitting around idle some nights, sent home, then working Saturday when it wasn't really planned.

I really don't think they've thought this through very well. Like someone said, she sees an escape hatch. I met him for lunch today and he's hemming and hawing about her "getting her rest," etc. I think he's way too optimistic. Hell, she gets plenty of rest after work because she doesn't do much of anything else!

She's been like this for years. Her health gives her more of an excuse now, but she was never active. I definitely think the health issues are compounded with the sedentary lifestyle, poor diet, and obesity.
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Old 06-20-2019, 11:49 AM
 
37,478 posts, read 45,740,039 times
Reputation: 56980
Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
They might have $100k-$150k, and maybe $50k home equity. He's planning to work to FRA, but she wants to bail out now.

They're going to need all they can get financially. I don't know why this doesn't register. They know she'll get less taking at 62.
PUT IT ON PAPER.

The only thing my parents did right was entering retirement with no mortgage. They actually sold/purchased twice, and made enough money to purchase their last home with cash. Thank goodness for equity!
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